i'm going to officially apologize for helping get this car off track.

i obviously forgot my own quote "i want to help this board be as excellent as it was when i first started posting."

i did not do that today.

I guess this thread turned into a salient lesson on why many manifestations of anger are so unhelpful in marriagebuilding.

If you want to divorce it is probably very satisfying to "shoot from the lip" but diplomacy is needed to marriagebuild IMO.

Diplomacy when we don't feel diplomatic is strong IMO, not weak.

I have noticed this as well. Though I'm not sure they have to be HERE as such.


Agreed again MyRev.

Great thread MEDC - I totally agree.

Good morning,


If this is true; than it would really seem to bring down the success rate of Dr. Harley’s principles and the implied number of people “qualified” to offer “sound” information on this forum.

I guess those people that aren’t “healthy” ought to just pack up and leave, cause they don’t have anything worthwhile to contribute. BTW - who determines who is healthy or not? Seems to me, that the only ones qualified to do that would be experts, like the Harleys.



My Rev might ignore them but, many times those posters are attacked; not for their advice; which may be sound; but because someone has the opinion that the poster isn’t recovered based on the “unquestionable standards” of the attacker.

It just seems to me that too many people are judged by things other than the advice they give. Which is too bad.

And this thread has shown that anger can be a deterrent to fixing relationships. Anger can be a motivator, but it can also be the premature destroyer of a M.

Just my 2 cents worth. Probably worth that for some.

Imi

If someone is giving me advice:

1. They can't lead me where they have not gone themselves
2. They will lead me in the same way they conducted there recovery and I will end up with what they have.

Even Jesus said "if the blind lead the blind - both fall into a ditch"

I do consider the source when I take advice as much as it may seem kind to take the advice on it's merits. I'm totally interested in the fruit of that advice.

What is your usual MB posting name BTW?

oh and before you tell me that Harley's haven't experienced infidelity first hand...

1. They are professionals with years of experience
2. Dr Harley has been married to Joyce for what.... 30 plus years? I think he knows how to build a successful loving marriage.

Yep. I do believe someone with the runs on the board might just have a clue as opposed to some who have crappy marriages (IMO) and I can definitely discern who to listen to.

and finally....

I do contend that recoveries where both partners are totally on board are a much better indicator of success. This is very apparent when you read stories here on MB.

Thanks for the thoughts BK. I would like to return this thread to the original topic and thank Justuss for the broad stroke editing of the snippy posts that took over my thread.

Okay....so the long time posters with the highest post counts are? Well, Melody has a resounding lead with over 27,000 posts. Is she only "claiming" to be recovered? Pepperband is second with over 20,000 posts. Is she posting too much to have a healthy marriage? Orchid comes in at over 17,000. Is she just trying to feel better about herself? Mimi has 12,000+. Just Learning has 12,000+. BobPure has 9,000+. I've got 16,000+. Resilient has 7,000+. Medc has over 6000. And bigkahuna has 5000+.

All long time members. All high post count.

Do y'all really "tend to ignore" these people?

In the words of the great Neo.

Woa!!!

What happened to this thread! This actually started out as a very helpful discussion for me. Please get it back on track, for people like me who really need help with our backbones and our boundaries.

SF...I think the operative part of Myrev's post was the word "claim" in quotation marks. Also the last sentence in the quote makes her position very clear. It isn't just a function of post count.

I'm going to respectfully disagree - slightly. Perhaps I can't lead you to where I haven't gone, but I can warn you of the mistakes I made that put me where I am. It's very obvious when I look back, but I will never forget how I actually felt at the time and how I allowed fear and anger to cloud my judgement. We all have something valuable to contribute whether or not we were successful at saving our marriage.

I also want to add that one can Plan A with backbone, meet ENs and yet not LB. Since when did any WS need a doormat? Not enabling the A is not LB, though the WS might treat it as such. Exposing the A is not LB and we all know how WS's respond to that. Taking care of yourself, putting your best "self" forward is part of rebuilding self esteem. Sometimes you have to fake it to make it.

Best post in this entire thread.

Agreed.

You mean you didn't like my use of denuptuals? Damn, I need to be more funny.

read the first 15 pages of Jame's thread. Then read the last few...tell me, where has diplomacy gotten him and his son?

from Wikipedia

"In an informal or social sense, diplomacy is the employment of tact to gain strategic advantage, one set of tools being the phrasing of statements in a non-confrontational, or polite manner."

I think this makes perfect sense when Plan Aing.

Well...Plan A'ing isn't always the first prority now is it? While saving the M is important..it isn't always the FIRST priority....even here on MB.

Going to save the mods the trouble and edit myself.

Said before I was done.. I am.

Thank you, drive through.