Looks like I am in Plan B. This will be tricky. We live in the same house and share a car. H's EAs appear to be over except one lingering 'friend' he claims is now just platonic -- despite the fact that I saw a romantic email from him to her on 2/19 and despite the fact that she referred to him as, "Ooh, Sugar Bear."
What is Plan B? "Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery. In many cases, once an affair has ended, a betrayed spouse makes the mistake of taking the wayward spouse back before an agreement is made regarding marital recovery. This leads to a return to all the conditions that made the affair possible -- love is not restored, resentment is not overcome, and there is a very great risk for another affair. Without agreement and subsequent implementation of a plan for recovery, the betrayed spouse is better off continuing with plan B."
Here is my Plan A thread.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...p;vc=1&nt=5It all is very lengthy, so the summary is in my current signature. I am copying it here in case it changes over time:
"Me 40 DH 43
M 5/07 My first, his third
EA #1 4-5/07 ex-wife, broke NC 12/23/07, resumed NC 12/24/07
EA #2 ex-lover, ended summer 07, broke NC 2/20/08, asked her to call again
EA #3 OS friendship "Best Friend," romantic/flirt text on 2/19/08, now frequent calls, arranging reunion 4/08
DS 6 (with biofather as of 9/07, shared custody)
I'm happier since MB. 2/25/08 DH claims all OS friendships now truly platonic "
There was actually one more EA/Slippery Slope friend, but she lived in a different state and has fallen off the radar for now.
The real crux for me going to plan B is self-preservation. My husband got more controlling and degoratory in reaction to my selflessness during Plan A. It has simply gotten to the point where my personality is being erased. I am smart enough to know that this has moved from 'teasing' and tolerable to verbally abusive.
I have a child to protect too, though at least he does not live here.
I think the only redeeming point about my H is that he does have a conscience. He does feel guilty when he is mean to me. He does try to change -- sometimes -- when I ask him to, and I can tell he is not happy with how he treats me. But it is really up to him to change; I can't make him over.
My case should be interesting because of the following catches:
~ H did give up EAs (per him)
~ Verbal abuse is involved (I am guilty of participating as a reaction at times.)
~ I cannot leave the house (separate) for an extended period of time, or he might empty the house.
~ We share a car.
If anyone has any ideas on how to stay dark under these circumstances, please let me know.
My only plan of recovery at this point is to see if he is willing to at least read the Emotional Needs and Lovebusters questionnaires I plan to fill out.
I'm also not sure how to make a plan of recovery in our case. My #1 priority is that the verbal abuse ends and and that H learns to respect my boundaries. Other than that, I am lost at the moment.
