First, what you wrote was amazing.

Yes, in my opinion, Todd does define who you are by what you did both on the cruise and subsequently to hide what you did. He does this from his point of view. More importantly, he defines himself by his reaction to your ONS and subsequent actions to hide it. You hid what you did so it would not define who you are. That was not the best of paths to take, but one that is completely human. Now, long after the fact, you are determined to reject a long ago and very stupid act from defining who you are. Again, this is very human and in your case, an accurate representation of who you actually are.

Most of us learn by doing. This does not mean we refuse to take advice, or at least most of us. It means that many of life's lessons are learned by the experiments and inadvertent events in which we engage as we grow up. Some grow up early and some grown up late. I cannot speak for Todd, but for myself it seems that I am better off with someone who has learned that sex with someone outside marital boundaries is a bad thing, while sex within the context of marriage is a good thing and that said someone has learned this from actual, preferably horrific, experience. I contrast this with the virgin who married somewhat young, then yearned for what they had missed in life. We don't protect our vulnerabilities until we learn, often painfully, what those vulnerabilities are or at least should be.

Take a look at the propensity of women to go for bad boys. As women age, most but not all learn that bad boys are called bad boys for a reason. As women age and learn, most grow to understand that they cannot change who the male is no matter how hard they try given that God and Mom made him. So most women decide that the excitement of a bad boy isn't worth the price.

Todd's position is emotional. While he has asked that you understand the emotional black hole you visited on him, I do wonder if he has ever considered your own emotional reaction beyond a view that you hid what you did like a thief in the night. Have you ever examined your own feelings about yourself and that event in the past and how your emotions evolved as time went on?

Have you told him?

This isn't just about Todd although he seems to be making it that way. The reality is that it is also about the family as a unit, you as a human being and your kids in a chicken soup of emotional entanglement.

And again, I believe that the fact that the truth outed during a time when you were leaving Todd is extremely important in the hunt to define why Todd is, er, Todd.

Larry

there is no time limit on forgiveness.you're right on one point:HE needs to leave her so he can get over it.get off her tip.you speak just like a WW.

and its incredibly sad to me that after four years you still have the inability to please your husband.you still sound like a WW.you shouldnt attack him just because he left someone like you and moved on in life and you're still stuck in the same [censored].

Why are you bumping up old threads of people that aren't even on the board anymore?

You beat me to the punch Mel.
Jerry

talking down to him wont help.telling someone to "get over it" wont work either.

you sit here on the computer complaining about how your husband is unresponsive and wont even look you in the eye,yet when the food is gone all of a sudden you want a plate.get over yourself and make up your mind.

manof

What's your story? Dead thread?

he's tried hard enough by accepting "damaged goods" and willing to stay in a fake marriage for over seven years without his wife telling him that she had some "room service" while on the cruiseship.and its mighty suspicious that she would have her user name that references to her affair,which was on a cruise ship.

Troll?

I don't think that's a fair thing to assume. Netiquette re: bumping old threads isn't always obvious to new posters, on any board.

because i feel like it.im new here and ive been reading every story on this site.and for the record,some of these ppl are still on here.

manofth3year4569,

Please check your email.

Thank you.

i havent posted my background yet,but i will.im new here so im trying to adjust to the system.

There is no reason to attack Cruisegonebad. Leave this couple alone.

It's not just the bumping of old threads; plenty of posters do that, particularly if the old thread in question can impart some wisdom to someone's current situation. But manoftheyear has been bumping old threads just so that he can hurl invectives at FWWs.

I trust the mods to handle this one.

pk

**edit**

moderators note: email me at Revera01@aol.com before you post again

**edit**.

moderators note: email me before you post again @ Revera01@aol.com