My wife cheated on me. I am a torn man. It is something that I can't comprehend. I went to COSTCO with a friend to get some food for a little business meeting. My wife called me and told me another friend had stopped by I said Id be home soon. SHe gave me 4 calls in thirty minutes asking where i was at. When I came home one my friend was sitting on the couch. when the business meeting was over and the guest left my house, I went in the room to make love to my wife, I put my hand on her shoulder and she started freaking out. Thats when I noticed hicky marks on her chest and a bruise on her leg and her lips were chapped. I played it off and took of her panties and they were full of ***. SHe did some stop drop and roll **** and started yelling like I was committing domestic violence, I never touched her. I left the room and calmed down. I called the dude who was at the house with her he didnt answer so went to his house and socked him in the mouth as I stood over him ready to stomp his head.
Additional Details
He went to the emergency room at midnight and didn't press charges, he changed his number, I told his wife too since she called me form the emergency room. For a week a laid on the floor in a state of denial of how my wife cheatd on me in less than a year and a half of marraige. BUt she keeps denying that anything happened and drew this **** out for six days before admitting it. We talk about repairing things, but i know she is not being honest. She has changed her password to 1977islove. It use to be the pet name I gave her. NOw its the birth year of the dude she screwed on my couch. I catch her staring at it as if she is off in la la land. So now I have to thre throw couch out. Or should I throw hew out. But then I would face the world alone. I've been blatently disrespected in my own home and I can't calm down. She brought outside parties into this her family, friends and father making it seem like I'm lying. She was fake crying on the phone talking about she gonna kill herself.


At night she sleeps on a different side of the bed, curled up in a ball facing away from me. Every now and then she would flinch and kick her legs. Will I ever be able to get her back emotionally and physically or is all lost.

We went to couples counseling five days after this event the couselor cried when I explained this situation. My wife was just defensive trying to justify her actions.

On Friday she confessed and said she regretted it, no tears or anything. She just seems mad she got caught.
We stayed up to three in the morning arguing about this crap. NOW she says she didn't do it. Cause I told her I should tell all of her friends my side of events so they can see how big of a ****** she is. I always caught her looking at other men when walking down the street and called her out about it. I've assualted men before, but it never got to this level before. As I stood over that man ready to stomp his head in, I thought to myself why would I kill for someone who doesnt love me?

I am too embarrassed to tell my family and friends about this tragedy. When I look back on events in her life I connect the dots and it seemed like a left hook hit me in the face. A lot of her old female friends have accussed her of stuff like messing with boyfriends. I admit that in the past I use to do my thing but since I've been maried I've been faithful to her, we mutually read Playboy and watch porn. Its like she the ***** in black snake moan or something.
After I initially caught her:
She tries to cover the marks up with MAC liquid pump makeup thats invisible, I went in the kitchen and got a paper towel, wet it and wiped it across her chest and told her to stop playing games. I would never hit this woman so I storm out of the room. She said she is going in the kitchen to prepare one of those bourtolli frozen dinners. She comes back out in the living room and sat on the other couch and said, "I don't see no marks". Thats when I stood up and walked over to her and grabbed her.

Her chest and left hand were nearly frozen, I asked myself how dumb does she think I am.
After I beatup the dude and came home she gave me some of the sympathy sex..I took it as I was in denial that this happened, SO now I think I need to get an AIDS test.
The next day she was peeing way to frequently, twice an hour with great urgency. I noticed a mild burning sensation at the tip of my penis. I even had to pull the car over so she could piss at a Jack in the Box.
I don't want the town to see me as a laughing stock now. How do I keep from going of the deepend and forgive a manipulative biznitch with no remorse, sympathy. I told her don't you see the humiliation this puts me in. Our friends are well aware of it. neighbors walk the halls just to listen as she dissess me, saying: I don't love her or care about her life, haha..how she still has her friends...she even said "IT is what it is". HOw do I handle this without going insane?

I told her I was going to email this story to all of her friends. She got kind of worried and embarrassed. I sent her what I would have sent to them in a text message. Now she wants to go to get a polygraph, I said no way. Why would I pay $500 when I already now shes lying.
She know she messed up now she wanna stay, saying stuff like I don't want a divorce. I told her I can't love her with 100% of my heart anymore. She started crying I said what for, "She said thats what my dad said before he left my mom." "Oh thats why your sad because you are thinking about things in the past. Im talking about the present and the future." Whenever we talk of relationships she always tries to bring up something in her childhood as an excuse. How long will she deny this event ever took place?


Is she a psychopath?
Does this mean she is lying to protect him or because she wants to stay with me?

Now she is trying to strut around like nothing happened.
I keep having to tell her, "I see the bitemarks on your chest!"

What should I do? Stay or Go. I love her so much, but it is so hard to choose what to do. Please tell me what to do.



Is she lying because she wants to stay or is she planing to let this blow over and then leave later, to make it seem like I'm crazy. She has his bite marks on the center of her chest.



Turns out this incident f'd up my job performance. I may be on the chopping block. Life sucks. And I still don't know the truth about what happened. Any Suggestions?

Kreepa,

Welcome to MB, and I am very sorry you are here. I completely understand how tramatic and painful this is.

First thing told to me was BREATHE...

Second thing is I am still learning how to get people started, so please know that people more aware of that will be along to help you on a course of action.

But BREATHE...

You are not alone on here and have come to a very safe place.

BREATHE..... You are in good hands and will get lots of help and love.

thanks...i'm terribly sad and dont know what to do.

i dont know if she was raped or cheated on me...she didnt call 911. How could she do something to this degree. I know something happened becuz she does that kick your feet stuff when she sleeps. im going crazy. I dont have a small penis either. i never ever thought something like this could happen to me in my own house.

please talk to me.

And it is sad..

Are you breathing?

I know that people are going to want to know some specific questions. How long have you been married, kids?

Have you looked on this website and read the stuff at all?

M 5/6/06
No kids together.
I read some of the stuff about "the fog" - thanks tigerswife

But i need some honest feedback from a real person.
How bad is this on a scale from 1-10.

How long have you known your wife?

I have known here since 98. We have dated exclusively since 03.

On a scale from 1-10 where does this stand in the realm of affairs?

Is this worth saving?

I am in NO POSITION to where someone's sitch is in the realm of affairs.

I can't tell you that my is just about as hopeless as they come and I still have FAITH and TRUST with my walk with G-d.

There is LOTS of work to be done, are you willing to do the work?

Please understand and I had to learn this, nothing you to TODAY OR TOMORROW will effect the outcome of what will or can happen. Gather information, ask questions and listen to those on here who help you develop a plan of action.

What have you read on here?

I read Plan A - Fix yourself
Plan B - Get away from WS

LOL, good interpretation

Have you read about the Emotional Needs? Can you afford to buy Surviving an Affair and His Needs, Her Needs?

Yes i can buy the book. I just want some people to talk to me. Its like Im down in a thirty foot ditch.

Hold on kreepa, people are here to help you. You sound very desperate, are you having any thoughts of deep despair? Is there someone you could talk to tonight? Perhaps a close friend or family member? If you feel really bad tonight call your local church. They usually have a number on the answering recording for emergencies.

Please take care of yourself and keep reading here. It may help you feel less alone if you read about others that have gone through what you are going through now.

You should have said "ok lets get the yellow book and find one." If she is lying she would back peddle on her offer. Either she was bluffing or she really didn't do anything. Either way you would have your answer with a polygraph.

Kreepa,

Almost all of us here were where you are at this moment. You are not alone.

kreepa,

She has changed her story because she doesn't feel safe with you.

She hid the truth from you, because that is what waywards do. It's the natural thing to do - lie - when caught doing what you aren't supposed to be doing. She knew she was caught and she lied. WS's tend to do that. It is the unusual one who tells the truth right from the start. Your W is no different.

But there is an added twist to your marriage and relationships, kreepa. Don't be surprised if there is more to follow that she hasn't told you. She is afraid to tell you the truth because...

You get violent. That's scary, kreepa.

Get that under control. It doesn't have anything to do with whether you hit HER or not. You hit people. That is completely uncool. No excusing that behavior at all, and you are lucky at this point the OM hasn't filed charges. He still could. Count your blessings, and keep your hands to yourself.

You will want to work on that part of yourself - just for future reference.

When an affair is discovered, it is natural to feel anger, and then pain, and then desperation. It's also natural to swing from mood to mood, and not to feel stable from moment to moment about what you want or need from the relationship. That's why you will be given this advice:

Don't make any decisions about your marriage right now. Give it a couple of months, maybe up to six months or more, before you decide what you are going to do.

That will give you time to cool off, calm down, and figure out what YOUR role was in this marriage, and what YOU did to set the stage in the relationship for the conditions to be ripe for her to have an affair. Because you had your role in the state of the marriage for this to have happened.

She is 100% responsible for having the affair - that is on HER. She did not have to choose to go that direction. She could have chosen to talk things out with you, asked you to go to counseling, or any number of other possible solutions. But the affair was no solution - it has only added to problems which were likely present in the relationship prior to the affair.

What to do?

1. Calm down.
2. Recognize that you only control yourself. So grab yourself by the shoulders, shake yourself, and take control of what you are doing.
3. Stop thinking about hitting people. And stop doing that - and don't do it again.
4. Begin to focus on what you can do to improve your contributions to this marriage. Consider the things you GIVE to this marriage, and what you TAKE. Become a GIVER for awhile. And read up on givers and takers, and start to understand that process.
5. Stsrt Plan A.
6. Your wife may have more to tell you about the affair. You need to make things safe for her to do that. Plan A starts you on the road, but you will need to also look at professional counseling for this marriage.
7. Read up on your emotional needs, her needs, and start working on meeting hers - that is your job, and part of the reason for affairs is unmet needs.
8. Order one of the books "Surviving an Affair" or "After the Affair". Read it. Read this website, and learn what you can (and you don't have Plan B right at all). Read everything here that Dr. Harley has to offer. It is all very good, and you need to learn about affairs. The more you understand that the recovery process follows a somewhat predictable pattern, the better able you will be to control your emotions and reactions, and the more stable you will be and feel.
9. Read and post here. When people answer you or ask you questions, remember they are here to help you. You might not always like their answers, but many times the answers you like the least are those you should listen to the most. This is because we often have the instinct to reject that which we don't want to do - because it is HARD to do, not because it isn't the RIGHT thing to do. In the case of affairs, sometimes the right thing to do is hard, and also counter-intuitive. Listen to everyone.

Finally, even though your emotions are running high

think
before
you
act


because you need more time right now to think of the right thing to do.

Hang in there.

Schoolbus

saumico
I took her to get the poly and she passed. People are telling me shes a psycopath.

thanks for the response schoolbus. i really appreciate it.

For a young marriage with no kids, the easiest and least painful path is a divorce. That is a simple statement of fact, and not a recommendation. You will have to choose whether to try and save your M or not, and you will get plenty of support on here no matter what you choose.

Are you saying the poly said she was raped? From your description, infidelity sounds much more likely than rape.

Go to a doctor about your penis burning. Hopefully it is just a bladder infection. You will need several rounds of STD testing. Do not neglect this or put it off.

Schoolbus - agree completely, good post.

Also, over-the-counter Pyridium can treat the urgency and pain of a UTI while you are trying to get into the doctor's office, if that is indeed what is causing it.