She's already had a Dog....OM!

bwahahahahaaa! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL, you are right. She has had a dog.

Finances for her aren't a problem, we both work and make very good money so the financial angle won't work, but the practicality might, being cut off from her family and friends probably will too. (Her family won't support her in a Divorce /remarry they will not approve)

NRO,

I know its hard, it took me about 2 1/2 months before I got that one, but once you do it is easier...(read up on my thread, you'll see...). Now, in my defense, I didn't get SAA until about 1 week after Dday and didn't start posting until @ a month later, though I was "lurking"...

This is all new, so I expect you to not get it all....don't worry, just keep posting, reading, and taking it all in. It'll get a little easier....

not2fun

She hasn't left. Work Plan A, and take care of yourself. You're a week into D-day on a two year affair. I am generally all for an agressive approach, but I think the best thing you can do right now is nothing. You've got two very powerful exposures working, and a WW who has reality crashing down on her.

Snoop carefully, and step back and let the exposure and Plan A do thier work for a bit.

Zen NRO.

OHMMMMMM
OHMMMMMM

Tyk, his initial D-Day was November 2006. He has been dealing with this affair for over 2 years now.

NRO, are they still working together? Did I initially misread that?

They are not, after the first D-Day I made her switch jobs.

The ice is starting to crack very little. When she started her babble last night I just said 'ok' and went on with life. That seemed to stop her in her tracks.

We talked some about HNHN because I was reading it and she had questions. But nothing about the A or OM. I still don't have a NC commitment from her but her language has started to change. Still more talk about a Dog, but a lot more 'our' and 'we' instead of I. (There is still a lot of 'I' there)

I think Tyk is right, I haven't just let things simmer and seep in. WW is very combative when confronted, she can be vindictive and very impulsive. I think by just letting her process, and talking when she wants to talk things will eventually come out.

I made a lot of mistakes after the last D-Day. Not telling the OMW was a huge one, (not really telling anyone was a huge one) and letting the contact go on was the other. This time I am doing it right and I am going to give the process a little time.

ML I'm not going to let her see me scared anymore, I think you're right and that just shows her she can manipulate me which I am not going to be a doormat any longer.

Tyk and N2F I am working Plan A, for *ME*. Getting my workouts in generally feeling better, keeping the house clean which helps my mind.

I have been reading HNHN and see where I screwed up, starting to try and fix that whenever WW lets me. Dr. H is very smart. I wish I discovered him the last time I was going through this. Our MC (not the same guy I go to for IC) really screwed things I think.

Thanks for all the advice, we'll see what the light of day does to this A, and hopefully I will hear from OMW rsn.

Well, last night was interesting. More of the fog babble but at least I handled it right.

"It's hard to want anything from you right now" - <smile><nod>

"If I stay what do you want from me?" - "NC with OM, Recovery Steps"

I am going to have some minor surgery soon. I got "when you have surgery I will take care of you, I owe you for when you took care of me" - "No, you don't. but, Thank You"

And on and on. I have not brought up the A for quite a few days. I think I am mastering the 'be still' concept. WW is starting to joke a bit every once in a while. I think she's wavering but its so hard to watch her struggle. I care about her so much and hate to see what she's going through.

Talked to my therapist friend again yesterday for quite a while he is very encouraging to me.

oh, one more add.

I think she may feel guilty for being with *ME*. Like she's cheating on OM or something. It's weird, she really is an alien right now.

When I mentioned that to my friend he chuckled and said: "well, OM is cheating on her with *HIS* wife I wonder if she sees that."

Just a chuckle about WS's. They already cheat on one another while involved in a relationship.

NRO...you really are doing a fabulous job. Very few can master this stuff so quickly with the devastation they feel. I have a feeling you will be one of the "poster members" here. Just wanted to tell you GREAT JOB AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

Thank You! It is by the grace and mercy of my Lord Jesus that I am in the place I am right now.

Ah, I am but an apprentice still. I learn very quickly but I feel I am a long way from 'Master'.

The one thing I have over my WW, is when I find my mistakes I own up to them and correct them immediately. She takes a little time because she never likes to be 'wrong'.

This whole thing is an eye opener, I am at peace with whatever happens and know that I will be a better person for everything I have gone through.

NRO,

Aww man, I know what you mean about watching them in misery. My WS does this ALL the time. But, this is something they bring on themselves. All we can do is stand by and watch. And continue in Plan A.....

How are things going with you btw?? What are you reading now??? Remember to take this time to reflect on you and what changes YOU want to make in your life. The goal is to be the BEST YOU YOU CAN BE....

Keep your chin up...you are doing well. Especially being newly removed from Dday. It will get easier, and just when it starts to get harder, there is Plan B (which is the direction I am heading to...).

Hopefully, there is an end in sight to all of this. I feel for you, because I know how much it sucks...

not2fun

ps...I just saw your siggy....be forewarded...is fog is not breaking, it just clears occasionally. Until NC is established and even for some time after that, the fog will not lift....I know,,,,it sucks.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Not2Fun,

I am doing alright. Reading my Bible mostly, but finishing up HNHN and will probably pick up LB after that.

I agree with your assessment that the fog isn't lifting, she just seems to have more and more moments of clarity, which for the most part is nice. We had Lunch together today and things were almost as they were before all this started 2 years ago, it was a nice reprieve but just that I realize a small reprieve.

I had a small anxiety attack at work today, I have been getting those lately and just go for a walk when they happen. It helps to clear my head and calm me down. I am glad that they haven't happened when WW is around so far.

I am sorry to hear that you are going to Plan B. I am hoping and praying that I am in the small percentage that doesn't have to use it. Keep your chin-up, and be strong!

I appreciate everyone's help in this, I wish I found this place after the first D-Day.

NRO,

Anxiety attacks?? I know all about those. Suffer from those and panic attacks as well. If they continue, see you DR.. There is help. And it doesn't have to be permanent. Actually, you should go to your Dr. anyway, just to get check out and let him/her know what is going on. You have to take care of you and your health...

Anyway, I'm ok with Plan B. Really, actually I am probably one of the few on here who have craved it. Being out of my WS craziness is what I desire at this point. He needs to swim by himself. Its funny because he worries more about me if we were to D. I'm not sure why, but I am strong and will survive...

Anyway, keep it up....

not2fun

Yeah, I have seen my Dr. several times after all of this happened. Mostly because of my minor surgery, I'll talk to him when I am in there next. They don't happen very often, and I don't suffer all that much just get to a point that I have to be moving. So a walk helps a lot.

Last night was tough, but I made it! I was feeling really depressed and WW says "I don't want to be around you when your mopey" (How selfish is that!?) I simply told her I was getting better and that things come in waves and then let it lie.

For the first time in weeks this morning she told me I felt good cuddling in bed. Sometimes I wonder if she knows what she does or not, some of the things she does seem so vindictive, and sometimes they just seem like they are accidents.

This is going to be a long, long road. I can tell. I think I am going to schedule myself a massage because I am going to need it.

I am glad you are looking forward to Plan B n2f, it's not something I can say that I really want to do, and hope I don't have to. He worries because he still cares about you, I know it's hard to understand. (I have a hard time figuring that one out myself) Good luck, let me know how it goes.

NRO

Our situations are very similar, although I am about 2 months ahead of you in the A "timeline". Keep posting and listen to thse wise vets. Finally, after 2+ months of this stuff, I finally *get* it. You are going to be fine--- you worry about you right now! You can't control your spouse. Be a better you and do what you have to do to be fine at the end of this....with or WITHOUT her.

I would recommend getting on some anti-deppressants if you haven't already. They helped me really even out and not get so anxious about everything. This affair stuff puts you on the proverbial emotional rollercoaster. There is no shame in getting some help. I resisted going on them for a while, but am SO GLAD I finally did.

I think I 'get' it alright. I didn't crack last night it was just a little more difficult then the last few nights to get through.

Depression isn't constant, it comes in waves at the moment. My family has a genetic pre-disposition to chemical imbalances in our brains, so anti-depressants take 3-6 months to get the doses right. We are completely crazy while they are adjusting the dosage (watched my mom go through this) and my WW would split faster then a banana in an ice cream parlor.

I am doing ok.

I am so tired of this selfish BS.

WW wants to go see her sister by herself tonight after we go out. I told her it was ok but I was anxious about it. She says "if I stay am I going to be able to do anything".. ugh. She doesn't even care what I feel anymore.

Kinda discouraged, luckily I am at home alone for a bit so I can get my act together.

My doc told me that if an anti-D worked for a family member, it would probably be the right one for me too. So keep that in mind.

Hang in there and try not to take her babble personally.