Do you think it is all about healing from the divorce?
Absolutely.. As I said before, if you are betrayed by the person that you trust more than anyone in the world (your X) , then how can you trust anyone??? I so vividly remembering how I could not trust anyone for a period after my X cheated on me. So yea, it is normal to go through a period.
I'm wondering if there are certain steps I should take to work through the lack of trust issues? Any suggestions are great.
First of all, trust yourself... Learn from what happened. Notice if your bf's words and deeds match. And most importantly, always remember, trust is earned!
Was learning to trust again difficult for you after your divorce?
At first yes.. but then I started going to a divorcecare class that really taught me how to heal. To foster friendships, to learn to be on my own, to do things that I could never do when I was married. (Like ride my bike all over the country!)
Were there things that you did or didn't do to help that process?
I also dated casually right after the divorce and it was a mistake - it caused more anxiety. Then 1 1/2 years after the divorce I dated seriously... another mistake as I wasn't ready. I can't believe it but I actually started drinking at night to ease the pain - another mistake. It made me more depressed.
What really has helped me is learning from entire horrible experience. Learning how to be alone. Reading books on healing, on being single, and on relationships. I have learned not only how women want to be treated by a man but how a man wants to be treated by a woman.
Also what has helped me is learning to forgive myself for the divorce and forgiving my X. Forgiving my X has been hard as she absolutely put me through he11. But I need to forgive her not for her, but for me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life angry with her... I have too much to do!
So, can you tell me if you are comfortable being single and on your own? Do you feel the need to be in a relationship?