Okay, I have some questions which struck me as I was looking at pictures of Silda Spitzer/Governor of NY's wife. What gives? She is pretty, smart, sexy, well educated, etc. etc. It seems that for every "type" of woman, you can find a man who isn't satisfied. Sometimes I think it is just a "need" of men and means nothing. . . . except to the woman who thought she was all he needed.

Are any of you men out there open to a discussion as to why this happens - without blaming? I am curious in a scientific, sort of removed way. It seems to happen again and again, almost doesn't matter who the woman is that's being cheated on. I now wonder if I will ever be enough for any man out there. I think I am pretty fabulous <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, but my point is I don't think it matters. As soon as they know they have you, they seem to think there must be something more . . . . .

On the flip side, how come women aren't as "cold" and removed when it comes to sex? By that I mean we don't think, "Yes, you're good buddy, but if you're good and I can have you, there must be someone better that I can't have and therefore I will make it my life's mission to find and conquer him, if only to throw him away once I make him mine . . . . "

Any takers men? What's up with you and sex?

Shattered,

Thanks for asking this question. I hope the guys weigh in on it because I would also like to know...

some women are just as "cold."

I actually find women to be the more dysfunctional (sorry ladies) group when it comes to sex. They use it as a weapon and to manipulate....NOT ALL...just some.

I have never been with a woman that I didn't feel satisfied with. I think it is a matter of maturity and not gender. In addition there are PLANTY of women that play the "now I have him" game. It goes both ways.

She is a nice southern lady, Harvard educated, a corporate lawyer who gave up her practice to raise her kids and be a helpmate to her husband.

I think he felt entitled and thought he could get away with it, although his "no protection" request turns my stomach.

Thank for your responses. Obviously, I am overgeneralizing and categorizing men into the "sexual predator" category. I know there are some women out there that are predators as well, it's just that right now I am interested in a man's POV. And let's face it, testosterone being what it is, can't we all agree that sex affects men differently than women?

Seriously, what makes men like the Gov.of NY, former President William Clinton, etc. KNOWINGLY RISK careers that took a lifetime to build and families that I truly believe mean the world to some of these men? Let's face it boys, if you make it to the presidency, you darn well know there's a good chance that the "Intern" who's tootin' your horn under the desk while you're chewin' the fat with the President of Venezuela will one day grace the cover of the tabloids. You don't make it to the White House without some savy as to the way the political machine works.

Is it because the higher up you get the more temptation there is?

well, it probably has a lot to do with a lack of character and integrity. People who make it to the top...with exceptions like Jimmy Carter...have walked all over others and are ruthless. I don't imagine that man or woman, it is a far stretch for them to screw around and think they are above being caught.

I think power corrupts...look at two other groups that have created a mess lately...one women, one men...with power over others and yet they risk everything.

Female teachers with young teenage boys and male priests molesting either gender.

I also don't think for a minute that Hilary wasn't playing around herself as well. I just think she wasn't as stupid as Bubba and didn't get caught(they don't call it a dumb stick for nothing!). Women are better liars (that would explain why there are some estimates that 30% of the children being raised in this country are not fathered by the dad that thinks it is his child).

Sorry if I veered off topic.

From His Needs, Her Needs - Chapter 4 - Sexual Fulfillment:


Dr Harley continues:


Who knows? Maybe Mrs. Spitzer was frigid, or was a dud in bed, or wouldn't do oral, or figured that since they were done having kids they could be done having sex. Maybe Spitzer has ED or is awful in bed so Mrs Spitzer didn't want to have SF any more. Maybe he's a sex addict. Maybe he wanted a little 'strange' and got caught. We just don't know what their private life was like and we can't see into their minds.

I do agree with MEDC that people at or near the top are bound to be more ruthless, more selfish, have less integrity and more flexible morals than the rest of us. This was bound to make Spitzer feel more entitled and more immune to consequences.

You didn't veer off topic, you are right on topic. So you think it is a lack of values? But then how do you explain the almost disproportionate amount of infidelity in clergy? Of course what jumps to mind is televangelists, but my personal POV is that they (televangelists) are charletons.

I am really interested in what makes men tick. I often say that a naked woman could bring down countries. I think I enjoy sex as much as the next guy/gal but seem to have the wherewithall to draw the line when appropriate. What happens to people who can't?

Is sex really that much better for guys that they are willing to risk ALL for a fleeting moment of sexual gratification?

Women are definitely changing, ie: the teachers.

But I still think mainly men have the ability to compartmentalize their lives.

The governor had a happy family (with 3 daughters, sigh) and a wife taking care of the family and doing charity work.

Then, in his "other" life, he felt entitled to live on the wild side and hire high-priced hookers.

Meanwhile in his professional life, he was crusading against corruption.

But he definitely has a character flaw. I'll be surprised if his wife stands by him.

a HUGE lack of values and integrity.

It's funny you say this. Once again, I see the opposite.
We would get calls for disturbances at strip clubs. Men, for the most part...are very civilized and calm in that setting.
Women in a male strip club are like ravenous dogs all going after one piece of meat. And while men will rarely engage in sex with these women...women on the other hand are known to engage in oral and other types of sex right in the clubs.

When you talk about women being ravenous after one piece of meat, are you talking about women at a men's stripper club or a woman's club where men are stripping?

My female curiousity is most piqued when I watch shows like The Bachelor. I was watching previews for next week, where the bachelor is a Brit. OMG, you'd think these women never laid eyes on a man before! I am seriously embarrassed for the U.S. I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination but these chicks are totally out of control. I don't get it.

Anyway MEDC, I know what you are saying. Let me ask you this: What if you met a woman who totally had her s&it together; in addition, you had a meeting of the minds and an outstanding mutually satisfying experience in bed, and you found her let's say a 7 on a physical attractiveness scale of say 1-10? Would that be enough for you? What about sexual fantasies?

What if your life and your woman were all you ever dreamed about. Any then a woman you worked with who you'd rate a 9 or 10 came after you with both guns and told you you were everything she ever dreamed of? Told you everything you ever wanted to hear? Told you how your wife never appreciated you? Now let's say you are in your 40's or 50's and staring down the rest of your life? Do you grab hold of what may very well be the last chance at the best times of your life? OR do you look the other way because you are married (even though she acts like you are a piece of furniture)?

I would like to think that it is a lack of values, character defects, etc., but I seriously wonder because there is so much of it. And the people that get caught just look like such idiots that never thought they'd get caught. I can't believe people can really be that stupid.

I have to say, late in life if someone attractive snuggled up to me and told me everything I wanted to hear all my life, while someone that I held close all my life (such as a sig other) never told me anything but what I did wrong, I can't promise I'd be the vision of virtuousity and not take what I would view as the last chance of happiness in this lifetime. . . .

woman's club where men are stripping.

I find a woman beautiful for a lot more than what society views as beauty. The woman that has always been the most beautiful to me is not someone that society would look at as a 10. In my eyes, she was perfect...

The woman that you describe as the 9 or 10 wouldn't even get the time of day from me. If my life were in that place...NO ONE would ever stand a chance of turning my head. NEVER. I am in my mid 40's...so, I don't have to speculate on that.

As for your last paragraph...I would NEVER settle being with someone that was only negative towards me. I have an obligation to myself and my son to be happy and display for him a role model that says HE has a right to be happy when he is older too.

Let me just add that I have never cheated on anyone. I have always gotten into some kind of mischief but it never involved hurting someone. I grew up in good Catholic schools with lots of wholesome values. I idolized my husband and never thought he was even capable of cheating on me. I placed more value on him than me. We've since divorced and I've grown about a bizzillion lightyears, but I'm still not sure where I fit in. I unfortunately (but fortunately) will never blindly trust anyone again).

I heard a feature on NPR's show "All Things Considered" this evening. In it, they discussed some of the reasons men (or maybe even women) seek out prostitutes. Here is the link:

Why Do Men Seek Out Prostitutes?

this little tid bt from MSN SCREAMS no integrity. Look at what he was willing to risk his wife's health on!

In the court papers, an Emperors Club employee was quoted as telling Kristen that Client 9 — Spitzer, according to investigators — "would ask you to do things that ... you might not think were safe," and Kristen responded by saying: "I have a way of dealing with that. ... I'd be, like, listen, dude, you really want the sex?"

A law enforcement official said Tuesday the discussion had to do with Spitzer's preference not to wear a condom and the call-girl's insistence that he use one.

Shattered,

I think when you are talking about the situation such as the Gov of NY, you are really talking about ONE WORD...POWER.

He did it because he could, and felt entitled to do it. Why did Bill do it in the White House and before? Power. I'll refrain from Hillary comments for a moment.

But, there could possibly be something else that is not stated: separation. Given the amount of travel, the hours, the obligations, I would bet good money their intimate life was NOT good. Not because his W was not good enough looking, or good enough in bed. What she was...was NOT in his life really. She had her own life, and he had his.

Now you throw in power, normal male drives, opportunity and what do you get? Someone doing something STUPID. Women have been known to abuse power and there are legendary stories of past female monarchs who had alot of power.

Look at adultery. It has NEVER been solely a male activity but with women in the work place, traveling more, having their own lives, they are acheiving equality in yet another category, aren't you proud? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Opportunity, power, and distance within the marriage are bad bad things.

Just my thoughts.

God Bless,

JL

I would also like to read some responses from men on this subject. I personally think that every man's reason may be a little different, and this is a very complex topic that can't be easily attributed to one or two reasons. I have been told that some men use prostitutes because they don't want to risk an emotional attachment but need something sexual that they aren't getting in the relationship with the woman they love. Perhaps these men feel like if they keep it a business arrangement then they aren't really being unfaithful to their wife.

I would like to know what men think about this as well.
It just seems like sometimes nothing is enough. I have always kept myself looking attractive, I have a good job, I exercise, I kept my home clean and my WH did not go without SF but it still wasn't enough. Is anything ever enough? it just seems like some men will always find someone they think may be better no matter how good we look, no matter how much we do to make them happy. My WH never told me there was anything before he cheated so how would I know if he wanted something from me I wasn't giving. It's really sad how some men will throw it all away just for sex.

I have been told that some men use prostitutes because they don't want to risk an emotional attachment but need something sexual that they aren't getting in the relationship with the woman they love. Perhaps these men feel like if they keep it a business arrangement then they aren't really being unfaithful to their wife.
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my H falls into this category.......I think it is pretty common. Someone mentioned the man's ability to compartmentalize......I think many men who lack values can compartmentalize sex w/ a hooker as not being unfaithful to their wife.
I know a woman who has the same attitude......she is in banking and travels for work...her attitude about casual sex (ONS not prostitutes) and emotional attachment are exactly as stated above. She can easily separate them and feels no guilt about it.

This is a very interesting thread. I was trying to have the same conversation w/ my H last night, it didn't go so well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />