I did make it to the other side b/c of G-d. I had to rely on him, and it's been ok.

Oh Miss Mimi,

I missed you so much woman. How are you? I'm in Plan B now. What am I supposed to do now?

I love you,

Queenie

JT, I got your email finally. I'm glad you are doing better. We have to hopefully get together soon. Your life sounds so busy and happy. How are you doing all health wise?

I miss you girl.....

Oh TMTS, that is a little easier said than done. Did I post that he hasn't put the money in my account. Mr play games is right on target and the fact that she smokes and drinks beer and he buys it for her. Well stupidly gives me hope.

So live it is. I am thoroughly involved in my boys's lives and that's a good thing. I still am struggling losing weight, but I am plugging along.

How is recovery coming?

I miss you man. I really miss talking to you..

Why is it I can't sleep anymore. I lay in bed at night and my mind won't shut off. I talk to G-d, pray for sleep and I just lay there.

When will a good night's sleep come when I sleep for more than 2 hours at a time.

Some suggestions for this please? It's been going on for a long time and I am exhausted. I caught a cold, my body is physically tired and yet I am wide awake, thinking, praying.

I see you are up to Mark?

I miss you too Queenie, the strength you've been building up for the last few months is going to pay it's dues now and help you get through this. You got it right, he doing the game thing trying to get you to crack, he doesn't have a clue as to how much stronger you are and his games won't work anymore. You are doing so well!
As for recovery, it's going quite well. We have a session with Jennifer tonight and we are going to be in trouble... we have been a little lazy on parts of the homework, on a good note the homework that we did do showed us that we are spending about 25hrs together so I hope that will help reduce that lashing. LOL

No, he doesn't have a clue as to how hard I am working to save our marriage and willing to go to any lengths to accomplish that.

It's weird I have to admit there is a peaceful feeling of not having to find opportunities to Plan A him and then just get hurt, even though I know you aren't supposed to have expectations, sometimes we are just talking about common life courtesies.

He is in a bad way TMTS, I can see it by his actions of buying cigarettes and beer for her. Before he would have NEVER done anything like that or even associated with someone who smokes. He detests it. And then to be serious that if he didn't bring them home she would beat him up.

I need to be very grateful that I am out of that sickness and watching what G-d does instead of being involved in it. I still miss him with all my heart, pray for G-d to bring him down and still am very scared he will never wake up, but it's truly out of my hands now. As Mimi always says, have FAITH in G-D. And that's exactly what I do have. My friends though are NO support, they see this as me finally walking away and not an extension of me fighting for my marriage. What should I do about that?

I have to concentrate on learning about me and what makes me happy and that I am a good person.

Stay in touch, ok.

Hi Queenie,

I have suffered from recurring insomnia ever since D-day. Sometimes, though not always, what works for me to stop my mind from racing is to repeat to myself over and over again "I must stay awake."

I'm not always able to concentrate on that one phrase, but when I do, I always fall asleep pretty quickly.

Who

Thanks Who,

I will try that. I will try anything up to drinking.

Queenie!!

I missed you girlfriend. You are doing great in Plan B. Welcome to the dark side.

Ooooh, bet OP smells great - cigarettes, beer, crack.... What a turn on, huh??? (puke)

Gotta run for now, but let's chat soon.

I've had trouble sleeping too. I am about to go into Plan B myself and I am already starting to feel a little better just knowing that I don't have to keep allowing my WH to control my life with his cheating anymore.
Drinking Chamomile tea really helps calm my nerves and before I know it I am falling asleep, especially if I drink a cup 30 minutes before going to bed. It soothes my nerves and calms me down. Maybe you should try it too, I can't believe how well it works helping me get more sleep.

You'll try anything up to but not drining right? I hope that's what you meant!!

If I were having a problem getting enough sleep I would look into some over the counter help. Sleep is SO important, I'm sure you know this, it's when the body heals itself! Not getting a restful nights sleep over and over again is just going to make this bad situation worse and you don't want to end up ill! Nip it now, if you're not into taking meds look into natural remedies, but do something so you can sleep!

I thought about you often when the boards were down. The email messages I get daily are so helpful, the woman that puts them out reminds me of you ;-)

I promise to do anything up to drinking, but not drink. At least today and that's all I have.

I think sleeping alone has been almost the worst part of this whole thing. I'm cold in bed and lonely. I slept with him almost everynight for over 29 years and he is just gone. I haven't slept decently since D-day, but lately it has been so much worse and I am just exhausted.

I take homeopathics, but I am still just sleeping 2 hours at a time, then waking up.

I worried about you a lot Serenity and missed you. What email messages and how does she remind you of me?

I hope it's good.

I'm glad we are all back together.

Hi Chai, I tried calling you tonight before my kids's games. Will talk soon, ok? How are you?

It's true there is a peace to Plan B. But it's sad too, because now I can imagine moving on and just not caring whether he comes home or not.

I'm scared that might happen. He is absolutely destroying himself and now with him not giving me the money we agreed to, doesn't help his case.

I just love him so much and wish so much. Oh well....

thanks for the sleeping suggestions..

Queenie,

I understand the 2 hours of sleep at a time. I've been doing that off and on for a year 1/2. I saw my dr the other day, he suggested 1 Tylenol pm at night. Just 1. I tried it last night and I did sleep 5 hours! I don't think I'll take all it of the time, but sleep is too important not to get what we need.

It is hard to make good decisions or control our emotions when we are sleep deprived.

Plan B,,,,yes the peace is there. And yes, you are able to see better the path of destruction they are laying out for themselves. You can see it better than when in the 'heat of battle' with frequent interactions with the WS.

With time, you will not only be able to see their contributions to their own destruction, but you will gain more and more detachment. You will be able to separate the emotions, gradually over time. It's not that the emotions go away,,,,,you still will feel the love,,,,,,,you will still have those "I wish" moments, but they do not overwhelm you or your thoughts.

You have come very far in your journey & are doing so well!!

Keep up the great work!

Queenie:

Are you working out? That will tire your body out. I also agree with using the Tylenol PM. It's basically the same as Benadryl.

I never got used to sleeping alone either.

Continue to TRUST in the LORD, Queenie.

HE will take care of you.

You will get all of the sleep that you need..in due time..I'm sure of that...

Thanks Bugs, That means alot and I will try the Tylenol.

I've finally caught a cold and it has just knocked me down, but the person who I work with is out until after spring break from pneumonia. So I can't take a day off and rest. I could really use it. I'm just exhausted and the cough is getting worse in my chest.

On the way to work this morning in the car I just broke down and sobbed. Scared the pants off of my son and I just couldn't stop. I'm so tired inside. I can't find anyone to buy my season tickets to the Redskins and after 48 years I probably am going to lose them. I've lost my husband. My house is in default and the contractor might have screwed me over. My youngest son is failing two classes.

I find I'm losing my energy to fight anymore or care. Is this normal?

Yes ma'am I am working out. I have been a bit busier this past week, but every chance I get I walk, and then walk around town. I have FAITH Mimi. I really do, and I know he will take care of me. I'm just tired and drained. No biggey..... I remember someone once telling me I wouldn't die from being tired. I'm sure that's true.

Oh Queenie, this stuff IS exhausting, physically, emotionally and spiritually. When you're not feeling well on top of everything, it seems even worse. But you know what... God will provide. He has and He will. Just imagine all of us holding you up when you're too weak to stand. (((Queenie)))

Queenie,
I tried to send the info through private message as I don't want to offend ANYONE at this site, but it says you don't take private messages, which is fine... I'll risk it and tell you what I came across while the boards were down. I mean NO disrespect to anyone, I know everyone has different beliefs and religions etc...

Her name is Charlyne Steinkamp, didn't give up on her husband, even after divorce. They have three children and now seven grandchildren. She "stood" for her marriage, which is what I now say I am doing and my kids know it ;-) I found a picture on their website of an anniversary party that they had for 20 years remarriage, it's the Steinkamps with their children and all their grandchildren, I showed it to my kids and said this is WHY I'm "standing"! I get a daily email from them. Sometimes she tells part of her story, sometimes it's about other peoples testemony. Anyway there is a lot of scriputure scattered throughout the emails, now I'm not a very religious person but boy I tell you this has gotten to me and I'm soooo happy that I found it. It's given me a lot of peace in my heart. rejoiceministries.org The first page opens to "The Standers Affirmation" I love it! I've seen it used on other websites as well.

Almost forgot to mention... read the Restored Marriages and Testimonies, wonderful stuff!

Oh PM,

I hope you understand how much this means to me and really know I wouldn't have MADE it this far without you all. I'm truly overwhelmed that people care about me and support me this much.

As horrendous this has been and seems to be moments during the day, my life is better because of the people on here and I am a better person because of your support.

I will change my thing to receive private messages. I didn't know it was set that way. Anyways, I actually get their emails everyday. I find them sometimes to be a little too much Christian scripture for me, but mostly it helps me to stay focused. I too look forward to reading them each night.

I turned Jamesus on to this site a few months ago. It's really wonderful. There isn't much out there and especially in Judaism which is very frustrating to me, but oh well.

It's snowing outside. I was going to go walking, but my boss needed me to stay late and I decided to give my body and brain a rest, not to mention there is stuff I need to get done at home for a change. I hate being at home so much. But I don't need to get into that do I.

Tonight seems like a really rough night for me. I am not sure why not, but I think that I am just plain exhausted. I forgot to stop at the store and get the Tylenol PM, I will tomorrow night hopefully.

Ok, am I nuts are am I seeing 5 stars on this. How did this happen?