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Joined: Mar 2008
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Hi, this is my first post. I was wondering if anybody goes thru depression when they go thru the anniversary of when they learned of their spouses affair, especially if they are still married or living with them.

I'll explain, I learned of one of my wife's affairs in Feb. (3 years ago)and thru all the trauma, stress and weeks of sleepless nights wound up finally deciding to divorce her right at tax time on April 15th. I have strong memories of going downtown to pick up the form to file for an tax deadline extension feeling incredibly depressed having to finally decide that my 30 year marriage was not worth saving.

Between that Feb and May I went thru tons of stress and misery and every year when I approach that time of year (this year included) I sink into depression. It is important to mention that I am still living with my wife and we are not divorced but our situation has not improved much. Each year I get a little better but it is at such a slow rate that I would have to live to be 389 years old to probably get completely over it.

The peak of misery is at that April 15th tax deadline when I reached that depressing conclusion plus I had a breakdown around then. After that time, the misery begins to slowly wind down. I appreciate the humor involving having something so devasting directly linked to tax season, but it is really painful.

I was just curious to see if there are other people in the same situation.

Thanks for reading!

Joined: Dec 2007
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Definately!! I'm already depressed thinking about being depressed about it! I will do something enjoyable that day! Whether WH is back or not, I'll make plans with the kidos to be very busy.

Do you and your wife talk about it? Does she know that this is a rough time of year for you? Don't know where you live, but I could see the weather being a really NONhelper when it comes to bringing up spirtits! If it's affordable maybe you can "go away" together for a bit and have a good time. Make new memories for that anniversary!

Welcome to the board.


SerenitySoon
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Thanks for your reply. Yes, the wife is very aware of this situation. In previous years we have taken several small trips away to Florida or Vegas and they are fun, but when the basic issues regarding your marital difficulties are not resolved, the pain returns.

Thanks Again!

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How long ago was your Dday?
Has WW maintained NC?

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 Originally Posted By: noflipping
but when the basic issues regarding your marital difficulties are not resolved, the pain returns.


I think that quote is the main issue.
Everyone experiences pain and depression around Dday anniversaries for a while, BUT when both spouses are onboard to heal and rebuild the M, it gets easier as the years go by.
I am heading into year five after my H's A. The first few years, the summers were rough (the timeframe during his A) and then Sept was the worst (Dday 9/20)
But my H was totally with me to rebuild; IC, MC, MB...
we even moved a year and half after bc SOW was still living in the nieghborhood and "stalking" us.

Summer no longer depresses me! \:\)

It takes time but most importantly it takes both spouses working at healing.

Why is it that your W does not want to rebuild and improve the M?


Me (RBW) 6w5 DFW (RWH) 3w2 Established 1/93 Rebuilding since 9/03
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 Quote:
It is important to mention that I am still living with my wife and we are not divorced but our situation has not improved much.


That statement, in part, is the answer to your question. I will not claim that the anniversary of my d-day will ever go unnoticed for what it is and what it represents, but I can honestly say that since my marriage entered recovery, it simply doesn't affect me that much any more.

I recommend that you review the great material here on MB and start developing a plan to recover your marriage. Time alone is not enough to get over an affair. It takes placing your marriage about all else and working hard to identify and meet each others needs.

Also, what has your FWW offered as just compensation?

Who


I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03

Recovered

Moderated by  Fordude 

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