Good morning, everybody!!

My most recent thread is here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2007569&fpart=1

In less than 7 days, I will be in a court room with my husband who, for the past 3 months, has been living in his own apartment as a result of my proposal: stay home, work on our marriage, clean & sober (QUIT drinking completely) or leave.

I guess I'm a little nervous, but I'm far from panic or obsession. Any advice? Tips? I'm taking a trusted, well informed friend, my IM with me for support.

Do I worry about what I wear? Smile or not? Look at H or avoid eye contact completely?

Gimme what ya got!

Julie,

I don't have any advice since I am right behind you....interviewing attorneys so it is right around the corner.

I will follow how things go for you. Stay strong.

Personally, I wouldn't acknowledge his presence.

Good on taking the friend. As far as courtroom decorum... you're cool, calm and collective. H is your adversary in these proceedings so try and avoid direct eye contact and any confrontations.

Be respectful to the Judge, yes your Honor, no your Honor, etc. Pause before each answer and think about what you are saying.

You are representing yourself right?

It might not hurt to have a prepared statement in case the Judge asks you to explain WHY you are seeking the relief you're seeking. Keep it simple and concise. If you have any physical evidence to back up any claims bring it with you, especially financial stuff. Just take what you filed and prepare a statement from that.

Don't get emotional if you can help it (I know, easier said than done.)

I'll think on this some more. I've got LOTS of courtroom experience since I was a paralegal for 15 years prior to being a legal assistant.

PM, thank you! I will appreciate anything else you throw my way.

Yes, I am representing myself. Yikes, he's my adversary??

I'm hoping I won't get emotional at all. I am, however, THE MOST emotional person I know. Tall order. I'm going to try though. Really hard.

Is it OK to make it very, very clear to the judge that I am hoping/willing/trying/planning to save my marriage? And that he chose to leave when presented with the option of cutting alcohol out of his life? Relevant? Or irrelevant?

My neighbor/friend/IM knows enough that, if for some reason I cannot speak (but hopefully that won't happen) she can speak for me. She has also said that if given the opportunity, she will give a statement/talk to the judge. EEeks. I don't know what she will say or what her plan is, but I cannot control another human being and thus I will not concern myself with that.

This will not consume me. I need financial support & I will make it clear that he has "given" me $610 since leaving and SPENT $590 of that. Um, and that my MONTHLY mortgages, the tip of the iceburg when it comes to OUR bills, is $1200 alone.

OK, no looking at him. That'll be hard. I'll probably want to hug him & want to punch him & want to grab his hand & run away with him all at the same hearing!

Should I be hot - Hot - HOTT? I mean, this is also my chance to remind him of what he's missing...right?

Remind me again please. You filed for a LSA and the purpose of this hearing is to ask for temporary support for you and child support for your children?

Julie,

You are a GODDESS....you are already HOT....

Think Business-like HOT...not trashy....think of it as you are trying to impress the judge at this point, not you WS. If you impress the judge, WS WILL notice.....

What's you best feature???? Play that one up....no need to be plain, but you don't want to be street-hooker either....

You will do fine.....have faith in yourself...

Not2fun

Yes, don't show up like my FWH's OW did for a custody hearing... miniskirt and stillettos.

PM, yes, LSA - child support & maintenance. It's the ANTI-foreclosure movement. HA!

You didn't answer about telling the judge #1-I want to save my marriage/DO NOT want a divorce; #2-alcohol.

You guys are funny. Honestly, I think whatever I do/wear will be imprinted on H's brain/memory for weeks to come. We've got quite the chemistry & it's been a LONG time since he's seen me. I know it's making him buggy. Anyhoo, I don't do hooker - in fact I'm leaving work & heading straight to the courthouse. So, I will have his favorite shoes (OH yea, he pays attention to shoes, BIG time) and a pantsuit, and have my hair looking GREAT.

This just got fun!

Okay, child support and maintenance then. IMO, there is nothing wrong with stating the fact that you want to save your marriage but you have no choice other than to be in front of him asking for help. That way the judge will view you as coming from a place of survival as opposed to vengence. No finger pointing or blame games (which I suspect is what your husband will do IF he even shows up).

As for the alcohol, tell the judge WHY it has become such an issue for you and your kids and how it has necessitated the separation. In fact, the judge may even order your husband to get some help if he's a pro-family judge.

Whatever the reason though, according to the LAW (which is what the Judge will follow) your husband is OBLIGATED to support his family. Even if you divorced, that obigation would still be there as far as the children are concerned.

This is why I suggested preparing a statement or a summary of your position that includes the FACTS (that you can prove).

Start with an outline and follow that.

Example:

1. Married for how many years.
2. How many children.
3. Reason for separation.
4. Date he moved out.
5. Amount he's paid since he moved out.
6. List of bills that you've paid.
7. List of unpaid bills (IRS debt?, back mortgage, etc)
8. Monthly cost of living.
9. List of children's upcoming financial needs, etc.

See... then if you get flustered, you can refer to your outline.

Practice speaking in front of the mirror stating your case. The Judge may only give you one shot.

(((((JustJulie))))))

I will be praying for you, hon! You have been so strong though all of this and you should be proud of yourself. I will pray that you have peace when you are in the courtroom and that you do not become too emotional...because that's the hardest part. But, you have a lot to be sad/angry/hurt/etc about, so it IS understandable if you get flustered, you know! All you can do is your best, and I have faith in you...we ALL do.

We'll all be here supporting you and cheering you on, girl! You have put you and your children's safety and happiness first and you are to be commended for your strength and integrity.

Good luck and God Bless you!

What if they recommend/order mediation?

Hi Julie,

I was thinking about you this morning. I am sure you are nervous about tomorrow. PM knows how these work better than I do. I just wanted to say how very proud I am of you for standing up for yourself and your kids. You are showing so much strength and courage and I know how hard this is and how hard tomorrow will be. Just remember that we are all behind you!!!

I really don't see them ordering mediation for an LSA but I could be wrong, It's happened before. If they do, then I think it's at that point I would let the Judge know that you cannot afford mediation (it's expensive, at least in Texas). There may be a way around paying for that, but I really don't see that happening.

Either way, I think the Judge will, at a minimum, order some kind of temporary support.

Please check back in and let us know how it went. We'll be here cheering you on! K?

Thanks for the encouragement. I hope you're right PM, just wanna be prepared.

I was in a REALLY good place this weekend. Lots of affirmations, strutting my stuff, generally really liking ME & where I'm at. Today, 2 thoughts come to mind: #1-How about we call this whole thing off?? #2-I think I need a drink! Going a little bonkers but that's normal I'm sure.

Don't worry, I'm going. I need to do this for ME. If I can show myself me going to that hearing tomorrow I'll be one proud chick. So, gotta stay busy till then. Busy, busy, busy...

Kinda like the thoughts I had on the way to the hospital with my first childbirth? Wait a minute! I don't wanna do this. LOL

Julie, this is an important step, not only for protecting your family, but for showing husband that you are DEAD SERIOUS about your requirements for him to return to the marriage. You're not playing games and 1/2-a$$ed won't do anymore.

You're right. Thanks for the reminder. I just want it to be done with! I want to save my marriage. I was "driven" to this point. I've got nothing to be nervous about...I didn't do anything wrong!

Thanks guys. Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Tuesday!

Good luck Julie

I'll say an extra prayer for you guys tonight--

Make a wish on the first star I see tonight----

Rub my lucky rabbits foot--(not so lucky for the rabbit!!!)


Your gonna do fine-best of luck tommorow

Gotta run

Rocky

Any kids? If not, not to worry. If so, find a way to keep them away from an alcoholic until he gets his stuff together.

No need to expose the kids to that.

Best of luck. I'll pray for you and other BSes out there who have to go and deal with our Family Law system.

is this support court? if you are going for child support it is pretty cut and dry. there are different types of courts and i am just not sure where you are going. see, i went to the supreme court of our area (it was family/domestic violence court because my ex had been arrested for harassing me in front of the kids so any family cases we have go in front of this one judge) for custody and divorce. for child support i went to support court. that was based solely on my income and his and what the laws are based on 2 children. so, i got x% of his income plus he had to pay for child care and have them on his insurance. that was cut and dry. that judge could have cared less whether or not i wanted to save my marriage. we were there to decided on support and that was it. it would have done no good for me to say anything like that (if i had wanted to) and he probably wouldn't have let me say it anyway.

so, if this is just for support, i am not sure what good it would do for you to bring up anything concerning his drinking or the fact that you want to save the marriage. you two are doing an LSA and he has to pay support bottom line. here where i live i had to fill out paper work that listed my income and all of my expenses and the kids expenses and my ex had to do the same. did you have to do that? if not,then definitely as PM has said, bring all of your expenses and what you earn with you and i would imagine your h will have to do the same. and it should just be awarded as a percentage of his income, cut and dry. i did not ask for alimony as it was shaky whether or not i would get it, so i decided to forgo it. but if you can get it, go for it.

be professional, dress "businessy", and stay calm. you are a strong woman, julie, who has come so very far. you can do this! good luck tomorrow. :-)

mlhb