Did Brooke ever mention a 'name' for xOM?

Or, Thambi, do you know Brooke personally?

And, for once, MEDC, I agree with you

Brooke,

I've been reading since you first came here but left the advice to other vets, who I think steered you correctly. WWs don't usually come here and if they do they usually leave really quickly after the advice they're given isn't 'understanding' or 'compassionate' by their standards. Or they can stick around and get treated very harshly due to their fogged-out tendencies.

You, however, have continued to have supporters here and I think that is due to the fact that you've generally followed the advice given and shown a repentant heart. Not too common among WWs, IMO.

Your sense that the pregnancy by another man is a deal-breaker is probably spot on. I think very few men could handle that. There has been some debate here as to whether or not you fighting the divorce is acceptable considering you are the WS. I agree that the pregnancy news tips the argument in favor of not fighting the divorce.

How are you 100% sure who is the dad?

Brooke, thank you for again being so honest.

I really don't know what to say. Pregnancy is often the consequence of an affair. the pregnancy can seem like a curse now, but the child, is a blessing as you will find out in a few months. Every child is.

As Mortarman has explained, God may forgive our sins but that doesn't mean He takes away the consequences of our sins. So we must humbly accept them, like we admitted our sin.

I really admire how courageous you have been and once again, I believe you did the right thing, being honest with your husband. I agree that right now, unfortunately the marriage will probably not survive as a consequence of your actions. But that doesn't mean that it's YOU who has to go out and ask for a divorce. It's in your H's hands. I think you should accept whatever he does.

You now have another huge responsibility. You have to take care of yourself for the child's sake. You have to find the strength to take care of yourself, no one else can do this for you and the child.

Do you have any support? family? friends?

I wish I could be there for you... a repented WS is in a very tough situation.

I agree that you should take care of yourself for the baby.

I also strongly believe that you need to bend over backwards for your STBX H. He is the victim here. While you have to deal with the consequences of your affair, your H should be allowed to walk away from this marriage financially intact. You owe him that much.

Take care of your baby and strongly consider putting the child up for adoption. Every child is a blessing and should be given a great shot at a happy life. It sounds like you have a lot of maturing to do and I worry about your ability to be a good mom at this point. I don't say that to slam you...as I really admire your honesty here. The primary concern through all of this should be what is in the child's best interest.

If you decide to keep the baby, PLEASE do not EVER consider having a relationship with the affair partner again. If you do, you will continuing your sin and making your child pay for your mistakes. The OM should get to be a father to the child if you do not put it up for adoption...but nothing more. He is scum. Remember that.

Brooke:

This is a dark time in your life.

But you have been persuing the light.

Being honest with your HUsband, Family and everyone else.

Imagine telling your Husband about the Affair NOW with the fact of the pregnancy.

DO not do anything rash.

Take care of yourself, and your baby.

If your Wayward Husband wants to go, let him. It's probably for the best, because MEDC is right, he is scum.

I understand that MEDC was referring to your AP, but I would apply the same to your Wayward Husband as well. Your WH is more concerned about losing his buddy, than his wife...

Your wayward husband has ALOT to learn about forgiveness.

Either way, DO not do anything drastic. TIME is needed here.

Allow emotions to cool. Perspective to be gained. And then choices made. Adoption, Divorce, Remarriage, whatever. They DO NOT have to be made today. They have to be made, but do not make any of them under duress. Or to please a wayward husband.

Hi Brooke,

I'm sorry for your plight.

I have a question and of course you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.

My business law professor is also a praticing attorney. He sounds, to me, just like your OM. Any chance your OM teaches a class at a University?

This same professor also had a black eye a week or so ago and was in a really bad mood yesterday.

If by any stretch of the imagination this could be the same guy, I would run as far away from him as I could. The stuff he has told us in class.....well, let's just say he is NOT to be trusted in the fidelity department, ever.

I realize this is a long shot, but you never know.

Brooke-

I'm very sorry to hear this. I agree with the other posters, it's time to let your husband go. However, I don't agree with the above viewpoint. Maybe this is what you and J needed to move forward together? After all you two are having a child together. Perhaps you can explore your relationship now more freely.

As for your husband, please don't put him through anymore pain. In most states, if a child is born within a marriage, it's presumed the husband is the father regardless of testimony or evidence. Please do not force your husband to pay for/be legally responsible for this child. You will ruin him. He will be forced every day to look at a baby that is a direct reminder of the terribl betrayal wrought on him by the two people he loves most. Almost anyone would crack under the pressure.

I'm sorry but I just don't see how this marriage has any hope. There already wasn't much before, and now this seals the deal. Just let your husband go while still financially intact and figure out what to do with your life. And remember, both abortion and adoption are options; it's better than bringing a child into the world you are not ready to raise.

Also not to beat a dead horse, but I think in light of the latest information, it's time to acknowledge the correct answer to Brooke's original query:

Is confessing always the right thing to do?

YES!!!

If you hadn't confessed, you would have probably continued on the way you were going. Then you would have found out you were pregnant, with the same due date. Your husband isn't stupid. He would have added two and two together. Think about this- if you telling him you had an affair with OM and ended it lead him to start a "knock down drag out" brawl in the front yard, imagine what finding out his seemingly faithful wife was pregnant by another man would do? He might have killed him.

Or he might not have figured it out. You would have known, and forced him to take legal responsability for a child that isn't even his. And what if the child is born looking just like OM? I could go on and on...

The moral is, TELL THE TRUTH, CONFESS, REPENT, whatever. Just do it now, before it's too late.

I find it very interesting that your very first post was to Brooke and that you name OM by name. It's almost as if you have a vested interest in the outcome of Brooke's situation.

What's YOUR story Thambi? Why so much interest in this particular one?

Your advice is very telling.

I'm very curious about this too.

Brooke~

All is not necessarily lost here, though it may *appear* that way at the moment.

IF you want your M, and if you still love your H, you NEED to tell him both of these things, ASAP!

Hugs,

from a woman who refused to lose hope in the face of a seemingly hopeless situation, refused to give up on the M she destroyed, and the mother of a very dear, sweet OC who is the light of bh's life.

I agree with MEDC:

"Brooke, your brothers advice is evil. Keeping anyone in the dark about harm that has been done to them is wrong. If you fail to tell your H the truth you are choosing to be a bad person. You made a mistake...own up to it and move forward. Every single day that you choose to keep your H in the dark is another crime against him. Every day is another day that you are choosing to be a bad person. Turn from these ways and make decisions that are rooted in truth and character."

You are justifying that it is 'over'... but until the deception ends it is not over. You and your husband's former best friend are still being dishonest with your husband.

Odds are your husband will find out eventually anyway. And then he will have the added hurt of knowing that you continued to lie to him, plus the humiliation of realizing that you and his supposed 'friend' continued contact with each other, sharing a secret he was deprived knowledge of.

You need to end all contact with the OM. How will that be possible if your husband is not informed of his former friend's betrayal? You can too easily exploit your husband's ignorance of the adultery as a way to continue contact with the OM. Your husband will have no reason to stop having contact with the OM until the truth is exposed, right? So you and the OM will still have some contact with each other as long as you keep deceiving your husband.

As others have already stated, your husband's friendship with the OM is already over, your husband just hasn't been made aware yet that the man he still thinks of as a friend is now actually his enemy. To enable your husband's enemy to continue to pretend friendship would be horribly cruel and disrespectful to your husband. You need to end all contact with the OM immediately and completely. Until you do that you are not really a former WS yet.

Then you need to let your husband make his OWN decisions about any future relationship with you or his former best friend.

Mere, from what I understand, she's not hiding anything from her husband. He already knows about OM/XBF and the baby and has NO contact with OM.

I haven't posted on Brooke's thread before...she's been getting such great advice...but, I had to respond to the above comment.

Thambi, WHY in the world would you encourage Brooke to pursue a relationship with OM? It appears that you have NO knowledge of MB principals. The good people here are trying to advise her on how to achieve personal (and possibly marital) recovery after her A, and their advice has been spot on.

(((Brooke))) I pray that both you and your H find peace in the midst of this devastating situation.

Lori

My story is that my fiance cheated on me. I came on here and lurked to learn more about why people cheat and whether or not they can recover. We couldn't but the Harley's did help me become a better person. I've called into Harley's radio show but hadn't posted on here yet. I don't want to threadjack this thread, but there it is since you asked.

I don't know OP personally...she used the name Jason earlier in this post. Sorry if I'm a little more observant than you.

As for recovering the marriage, even SH says that not all marriages CAN or SHOULD be recovered. This seems like one of those cases to me. Brooke has admitted to cheating on her husband with his best friend and getting pregnant. The two of them (H and OM) got into a physical confrontation. H has shown no interest in R. Brooke has not definitively said either than she wants to stay with husband or that she loves him.

For R to happen, at least one of the two has to be firmly committed to it. If neither is interested, what's the point?

Autumn Day, your husband is a great man and I commend him for his choices. With that being said, 90% of men would not put up with what he has. You say it's because he has such love for you, and I believe it. But the fact Brooke's H wants to leave doesn't make him bad or mean that he loves her less. Any man would be justified in leaving in this situation. It's got nothing to do with how much love they have. Raising another man's child is not part of the marriage covenant. Even the Bible says that divorce is justified in instances of infidelity.

Normally I think R is great. But look at this situation. Add that the two have no kids, that both have been actively seeking out affairs and distancing from each other, and now on top of it she is pregnant with OC. What exactly are they fighting for? If there is something worth saving, only Brooke can tell us that, not any of you people. I'm still waiting to hear from her.

And before you try and make me out to be the bad guy, I never advocated divorce or anything before the pregnancy. The thing about her pursuing a relationship with OM was just to see if it was something she still was considering. Anyhow, that's my story. Take it as you like.

"Mere, from what I understand, she's not hiding anything from her husband. He already knows about OM/XBF and the baby and has NO contact with OM."

Yes, I've been trying to read the whole thread... got to the part where she did confess to her husband. (But not to any mention of a baby yet!) Have to go for now and will try to catch up later.

we are all adults here. there is no need for your little tests. It comes across as you advocating a relationship that was borne out of an affair.

Thambi~

I'd be very interested in seeing where you found the 90% statistic, if you'd like to start a new thread about it.

I never once said, or even intimated Brooke's H is a bad/mean man or loves her less for wanting a D.

Further, I never said or even implied Brooke's H has no right under God to D her. He most certainly does.

All I told her is there's still hope and that IF she wants her M and she still loves her H, she needs to tell him. I gave her absolutely no promises or guarantees.

There are plenty of naysayers around here.

I choose to show her the little glimmer of hope, no matter how slight it may be.

Exactly! This is a MB site after all. Brook's got a hard road ahead IF she wants to try and recover her marriage and the odds are stacked against her. BUT, I've seen worse situations recover. There's always hope.

The 90% wasn't a real stat. It was just a guess on my part. Sorry for that.

Also sorry if that comment or "test" was not appropriate. I was just trying to get Brooke to tell us what she is thinking.

As for worse situations, can you tell us about them or maybe provide a link?

Everything in this situation screams hopeless to me. H's Affair. Brooke's revenge/exit affair. That OM was H's bff to boot. That when given the opportunity to comfort him and tell him that she loves him and wants to stay, she told him she wasn't sure and basically confirmed that she is still in love w/OM, a situation he clearly said he'd "have to be crazy" to tolerate.

And now she is carrying OM's, his BFF's baby. It's not Autumn Day's situation at all. OM is not some far off image that can disappear. He is the H's best friend. Even if there is NC, H's parents, friends and everyone else all know what is happening, and they all know OM. When the baby gets older and looks like OM, everyone will know what is happening.

This is a nightmare. If you see hope, well I have some property down in Florida I want to sell you...