Got an idea for you... why don't you start a web support system that includes your Judaism beliefs, from the sounds of it there may be a need out there! I'm clueless when it comes to the differences.

I have actually thought about it. But I don't know enough about my religion and beliefs to take on such a thing. So I am studying towards that in a way.

Maybe I have found my calling.

How are you doing tonight?

Hi Queenie-

Gee-hope I didn't give you my cold. It is a killer this year.

You got snow??!! We haven't had any yet but it could be a messy morning.

Just wanted to tell you not to worry too much about your YS not doing well in two of his classes. When things like this happen, it isn't uncommon for kids to have a difficult semester, sometimes the whole year. I see this a lot in my program.

He may get a second wind after spring break. And he can easily take these classes again and still graduate on time.

Take care of yourself. The cough gets worse and then seems to hang on for a while.

Love ya'

JT

I'm doing well Queenie, thanks. Hope you are doing better this evening!!

It may be your calling!! Funny, I was complaining a few months back, to WS about the lack of marriage counselors in the area, he said something about me looking into doing that... because I've always wanted to be a counselor but for adolescents. Anyway he said I could turn this bad situation into something good for someone else. ick!!

Hi JT,

I miss you so much. Yep, it snowed for awhile. My OS just got home and got hit hard in the cheek with a helmet. He seems out of it.

Why do boys have to play so rough. These are the times when I miss their dad the most. And now I can't even call him for imaginary support.

I feel like I am going to break and not be able to bounce back. I'm trying so hard to just hang on, but I can't find the right word to describe it.

I want to scream, cry and get angry, but what good will it do. It won't bring him home and he doesn't give a rip. That's not fair, I have no clue what's happening on his end.

I just miss my H so very much. Not this monster. My husband.

Hey Serenity,

Aren't WW just the most amazingly sensitive people. Seriously, they just have NO CLUE how bad we hurt inside and I really think what's worse is that they just don't care. Actually I really don't know anymore.

Plan B is weird. I certainly don't think about him much, but I am praying as hard as I can for G-d to break him. I'm supposed to build a new life and I don't know how to.

Mimi, I could certainly use a little pep talk from you right about now. There isn't anyone in my world that supports this Plan B other than to move on, get divorced and find someone else. Nobody understands or believes me that what I am learning on here about affairs is true and that he will NEVER come home.

Help, I feel so alone out here. It's hard not DOING anything, but leaving him with G-d. My heart is breaking all over again in a different way. He is self-destructing and there is NOTHING I can do but be out of the way and that's probably the hardest thing for me. Because I have NO IDEA what is happening.

I used to feel his presence in my heart, but it't not there. What is happening inside of me? Is this normal? I feel like I am losing the connection I have with my H, what tiny part it.

Please, tell me I am doing the right thing, there is NO OTHER WAY.

((((Queenie)))))

Breath, sweetie...it is going to be OK.

Here's what you do--go get your most favorite "feel good" CD and listen to it. Then, close your eyes, concentrate on your breathing, and pray. Pray for peace. Pray that the pain will be lifted from your heart. That you will no longer fear what you cannot control. Remember..."Perfect Love casteth out all fear."

Know that you are a wonderful person who deserves the very best. Know that we are all here for you, supporting you, and caring about you. Know that you will be rewarded.

I will pray for you tonight...that your heart and soul can have some peace and joy. You are a Goddess.....and we all love you!

(((((((Queenie))))))))

YOU ARE GOLDEN.....

don't forget that...

GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND GET ON YOUR KNEES....

have you ever heard that song "I get on my knees" by Jackie Valasques???? I know you are Jewish and it is a Christian song, but the words still apply to you. Google it or whatever. It brings me peace.....I hope it can do the same for you....

This is why you are in Plan B...

To get out of this mess....you know this is "tough love" and that is why you are doing it....

I see how much you love and care for him...it is so evident...and that is why you must stay strong...because he can't....G-d will take care of him, but most importantly, He will take care of you......

Cry out to G-d, cleanse your soul, and then get some sleep....

((((GOLDEN GODDESS QUEENIE))))

Your GODDESS sister,

Not2fun

also, tomorrow I will be joining you in the Plan B club, so we can help each other hon.....sleep well....

not2fun

(((((Queenie)))))

Relax... breathe.. LaLa and N2F are absolutely right, take some time out and do something for yourself.

Get on your knees and pray.. you KNOW that God will comfort you if you only ask Him to. HE will take the doubt away, and restore your spirit with strength, love, and joy! What an amazing God we serve who can, and WANTS TO comfort us through our darkest hours.

The key is to seek HIM.

I am thoroughly convinced that this period in my life is serving the greater purpose to teach me to ALWAYS turn to God FIRST instead of as a last resort when everything is going wrong because I've tried to mold the clay of my life with my limited view of the future and my circumstances. ONLY GOD SEES THE WHOLE PICTURE!

I read here once, and I may be wrong but I think it was either Mortarman or Bob Pure who wrote in one of the 'toolkit' type threads that one of the HARDEST things for a BS seeking the restoration of their marriage to do is to WAIT and TRUST in GOD'S TIMING.

God is never late.
God is never early.
God is right on time.

He's not done shaping you yet.. and He's not done shaping your H.

Have faith and KNOW that the LORD is working to benefit you, and never to harm you, but for the greater good in your life.

You are loved Queenie.. and you are NEVER alone.

(((((SG/Queenie)))))

Morning Queenie,

You know, I have given so much thought to what I would do if I had to forge ahead alone. Even though my FWH had ended his affair before I found out, he held on to a wayward mindset for years.

Sometimes I find myself looking at him and wondering if it is still there lurking like some demon waiting to come out and destroy us both.

I honestly don't know what I would do if I had to go on alone. I know it would be hard for me because my DD's are both grown and gone and I hardly ever see either one of them anymore. Without him, I would really be alone.

I would have to build a whole new life with new friendships etc. It is pretty scary for me to think about because I am not planning on starting a second career after I retire in 4 months.

I think the only thing I am certain of is that I wouldn't be looking for "someone else." Personally, I think that when you are looking for someone, you either don't find them, or you end up with the wrong person.

Just something to think about. FWIW, you are doing well. You are setting a great example of how a classy lady handles adversity. Your WH will either have an epiphany and come home to work on the marriage or he won't. I think that if there is anything that you can count on it is that either way, he will come to regret what he is doing.

Who

Queenie:

I agree with the others and can't add anything more to their loving words filled with wisdom.

You are going through withdrawal 'cause you had love left for your husband.

That's a warning I would give to folks going into PLAN B.

I suffered the same pain that you did because I continued to love my husband and NEVER experienced PLAN B as a relief.

But, OVER TIME, the pain does subside and get better.

Do the SELF-TALK I shared with you months ago.

As I was just telling SL, I told myself that my H was DEAD to me...and that he did not exist anymore.

Remember, like I told you before, when I started thinking about him, I would shake my head...

I TRIED to stay busy, CREATING BEAUTY, doing things that symbolized for me that LIFE GOES ON EVEN THOUGH MY HUSBAND IS DEAD...so I started FLOWER GARDENING..I still love, love, love watching FLOWERS grow, even flowering houseplants cause they are evidence of GOD'S PRESENCE in the world. How else can such intricate beauty be created if there is not a GOD.

And just like HE makes those FLOWERS GROW, HE will is there taking care of you...

HE is working this all out for you, Queenie..

I can guarantee you that...

Well, I didn't get on my knees last night, but I did cry my heart out and plead with G-d for help in walking through this with strength, dignity and comfort. I really want to do his will, and I guess I could try and lie to myself and say I don't know what that is, but the truth is, I do. He wants me to keep moving forward and becoming the woman he always envisioned for me.

He wants me to just trust him and walk in FAITH and I am, and he knows I am obeying, just with a heavy heart. And sometimes the weight just overwhelms me. I feel like I am caught in a washer machine and the spin cycle and I'm just girating faster and faster with no end in sight.

I got on my knees this morning and just kept crying over and over again for some release of pain. For guidance on what my next step needs to be. Your right, Jamesus, waiting is so hard, but if I pray for the willingness and just keep praying second by second.

One thing I forgot to do that has helped it count my blessings. I am blessed with so much and know that there are so many people who have less than me. So I can stop the pity potty on that accord. In AA it says that G-d gives us everything we need. Not necessarily what we want

I am rambling for a few trying to process what is happening inside of me. I was always a person who controlled and worried about everything. And I don't seem to have the energy or the desire to do that anymore. Case in point. My Redskin season tickets - for over 48 years they have been in my family. The people who have bought them from me for over 30 years no longer want to and I have until Monday to come up with over 2200.00. Part of me is just saddened that I can't continue to have them as a part of my life, which I know many of you think that's stupid, but this was my identity for so long. And I find that as much as there is sadness I haven't gone out of my way to do the footwork to get someone else to buy them because I don't think I need that identity anymore or I just don't care. And I'm not sure which it is. Does this make sense?

Things that were so important to me aren't anymore. Things that I took for granted, I don't. My priorities have shifted and yet giving up these tickets, well I don't know if G-d wants me to or not. Does this make sense to anyone?

Thnk you so much everyone for your prayers and wishes. There is NO WAY I would be getting up each day if it weren't for my relationship with G-d and your support. It's so lonely in my real world because no one understands or accepts what I am saying.

And here we get to walk through it with each other understanding this pain which is a common bond. And somehow I don't feel so alone.

I feel like I am losing my will to fight or is it me learning to just let go and leave it in G-ds hands?

I'm shaking hard there Mimi.... I need tylenol for the pain.

Yoo-Whooooo Queenie.... guess who....

(((((((((((((Queenie)))))))))))))

I so wish I could say something that could make all that pain go away. I do have comfort in knowing that you do have the strength to do this as you have said so yourself... (You know what’s coming next... right?)


Special prayers Queenie. You'll pull through.

((Queenie))

For you today-

Psalm 23 from The Message Bible (paraphrase by Eugene Peterson)

God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

Don't ever forget that God knows the bigger picture and He is putting all the pieces into place that need to be there before He shows us His plan. We can rest in His protection and care.

Love you-

{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}

This, too, shall pass, my friend.

Just keep plugging along. Treat yourself to some things that make you feel good.

OK, I just got fake nails this week. Yeah, I know, pretty cheesy. But I LOVE them. My hands look younger and prettier and I love that!

I've thought about it in the past, but was too practical. I was tying to be the frugal wife. But right now, I need the pick-me-ups.

So, what have you "thought" about, but just wouldn't let yourself do? What little luxury would make you smile?

JT,

I was rubbing your beads this morning and last night as I always do when I need comforting. I love this prayer.

The one I turned to this morning was Psalm 144

(This is) a psalm of David.

v1 *LORD, I *bless you! You are my Rock!
You prepared my hands for war.
You taught my fingers to fight.

v2 You give me your kind love.
You are my *fortress.
You are like a strong place that you can take me to.
You are a *shield that keeps me safe.
You make my people obey me.

v3 *LORD, why do you want to know about people?
Why do you think about them?

v4 People are just like the wind.
They are just like a shadow that passes.

v5 LORD, open your *heavens and come down (to earth).
Touch the mountains so that they give out smoke.

v6 Send *flashes of *lightning to frighten (your enemies).
Shoot your *arrows and destroy them.

v7 Put your hand down from high (in the *heavens).
Take me from the dangerous waters.
Make me safe from the hands of foreign people.

v8 Their mouths speak *lies.
Even when they make a promise, they are saying a *lie.

v9 I will sing to you a new song, God.
I will make music to you on a *ten-stringed harp.

v10 You give help to kings to win their wars.
Save your servant David from death by a *sword.

v11 Make me safe from the hands of foreign people.
Their mouths speak lies.
Even when they make a promise, they are saying a *lie.

v12 I pray that, when they are young, our sons will be like strong plants.
(I pray that) our daughters will be beautiful, like parts of the wall of a great house.

v13 I pray that you, *LORD,) will fill the places where we store many different foods.
(I pray that) our sheep will have thousands of young sheep.
Then there will be tens of thousands of them in our fields.

v14 (I pray that) our cows will have good health.
(I pray that) none of them will be sick or have *abortions.
(I pray that) none of them will cry aloud in our fields.

v15 If this happens, then (God has) *blessed our people.
If the *LORD is their God, then (God) will *bless people.

re: God's Will...

So often we tend to think of God's will as a place, but it is really a direction.

The reason anti-lock brakes have become all the rage, is because they overcome the ignorance of the people driving the car. If someone pulls out in front of you, your initial reaction is always the same, until you learn to do it differently. That reaction is to slam hard on the brake pedal and lock all 4 wheels up so the car begins to slide. The problem is that when the tires are sliding they have already exceeded their maximum grip.

What this means is that there is no grip left to steer the car. The result is that while you begin to slow down, you continue traveling the same direction you were going with no ability to change that direction. So while you lose a bit of speed, you end up hitting what is in front of you.

But anti-lock brakes prevent the wheels from exceeding their maximum grip in the linear direction and therefor have a reserve that allows for the steering to be able to change the direction of the car. By keeping the front tires rotating, steering wheel input still has an effect and you can steer around the obstacle. As the car loses forward speed, the ability of the tires to steer increases and you can often avoid hitting something simply by steering around it.

Race cars don't have anti-lock brakes, but the drivers have learned through practice that the breaks are not the answer to someone suddenly appearing in front of you. Their first reaction is to steer around the other car rather than to try to stop, which usually results in hitting it and also in being smacked from behind by some guy going 190 MPH.

The steering on a car also only works if the car is actually moving. If you sit in your driveway and saw the wheel back and forth all day, you will never face any direction but the one you were facing at the start. The tires have to be rolling in order for them to turn the car and change the way it is pointing.

So what does this have to do with the Will of God?

God has a path he wants us to take. As we begin along in the direction we think He is leading us, He can only make corrections to our path if we are actually moving. Standing still and waiting for Him to push us in the right direction results in remaining right where we were when we began. We experience no growth, our faith remains stagnant and we never get to where He expects us to be because we refused to take that first step in faith.

But if we begin to show movement and are truly seeking His guidance, He is able to make minor course corrections as we travel through life in order to keep us on His path. But we must be moving forward in faith in order for Him to do this. Sitting still and praying for Him to show us where to go next only works if we are willing to move once He speaks to us.

And when confronted with a crisis, our tendency is always the same. We slam on the brakes and try to stop. But sometimes God wants us to continue toward the crisis in order for us to be able to overcome it by faith. We do need to pray under those conditions, but we also need to keep going, for by attempting to stop, we cannot feel Him correcting our course and do not respond to His guidance. The result is we slam head on into what we were trying to avoid. If we had let Him change our direction (thinking) and continued to move forward in life, we might have missed the event all together or perhaps we would have only suffered a glancing blow instead of a full force crash.

We must pray to seek His will; we must also be willing to move forward in faith so that He can change our direction, because if we only sit and pray, we never get to where He wants us at all.

Prayer is your drivers license...

Faith is your steering wheel...


He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death, not around it. Unless we are moving, we are stuck right in the middle of it.

Or like the little train...I think I can...I think I can...With His help, I know I can...

Consider the guys at the front of the procession as the people of Israel approached the Jordan River at flood stage. The first ones in line were the priests, carrying not weapons of iron or bronze, but the Ark of God. The water stopped as they entered the flood, not before they got there. If they had waited for there to be dry land, as they were allowed to do when they crossed the Red Sea, David might have been born on the West Bank. No battle for Jericho where God showed His strength and power, no battle for Ai where He showed them He meant business and would not tolerate disobedience, no temple in Jerusalem, no miracle of the oil lasting seven nights instead of one...

Unless the two at the front were willing to get their feet wet and keep going, believing God would do what He promised, the book of Joshua would have been the last one in the Bible...

This is the Will of God...That you might know Him...

Mark

Hi Mark,

As usual you have given me something to look at. My initial reaction was that where my mind says I am walking in faith, my actions are not. And that's something I really need to look at.

During my strong days, there is just a peace that all is being taken care of and I am in the best hands possible. On days like yesterday when the grief of the situation is so strong, the sadness overwhelms me and I struggle with it all.

I really feel like I am moving forward. I think for the most part I have come to a place where I whatever the outcome is, G-d is preparing me for it and will bless me with it one day. Maybe I get overwhelmed at all that I still need to learn and walk through until that time and I get confused on where to shift the wheel next.

Your words bring such peace to my spirit because it feels like you are bringing me back to my center with G-d. Not sure why or how just very grateful. Let me sit with this and see where G-d takes me today and see what else I may learn for myself.

Shabbat Shalom,