Since finding out about my fwh infidelity trust by far has been my huge issue. Although we agree on just about everything as far as what's appropriate and what's not I still have some concern. I know that I can't stop my fwh from doing things but sometimes even innocent things I seem to be able to find something that "could" happen. My fwh is a friendly guy, and not that I don't like that trait in him it scares me, he would be the one to help anyone who is need of help, which again is a nice thing but He is friendly to everyone and maybe it's just me but if he were in the checkout line talking casually with the cashier maybe his friendliness could make a female feel warmed and comfortable if she were interested maybe she could think he's flirting, maybe it's his tone of voice I don't know, he talks the same to most everyone except guys, unless it's an older man maybe that he doesn't know, maybe this bothers me so much because that's basically how his ons started, then went to him being so kind to help her. He insists he's just being a normal nice guy. We also have a disagreement about one of his hobbies. He likes to dirtbike ride, I go 99% of the time, but there are the occassions I can't go, I feel uncomfortable with him going mainly because a couple of the guys he meets out there i'm not so sure about them, one of them cheated on his wife although he has never discussed it with my fwh, we know from our daughter who knows his son. He thinks because he doesn't "hang" around these guys other than maybe a phone call here and there and to go ride it's innocent to ride and I shouldn't worry, it's in the woods. Maybe I feel this way because I feel if I'm uncomfortable with something he shouldn't do it, but then again I don't want to be unreasonable either. So how do you come to what's ok and what's not and agree on things and feel comfortable about it? Thanks

honestly, you should NEVER really trust your H again. You will find that you become less and less suspicious...but always be mindful of what he is doing.

A HUGE RED flag should be that your H is choosing to spend time with ANYONE that has cheated on their spouse. Unless this person has repented and turned away from that behavior, he should not be hanging out with him. Really, YOU shouldn't have to tell him that either. He should be so appalled at infidelity now that he wouldn't want to associate with anyone doing that.

I think you should read up on the Policy of Joint Agreement. Your H should do NOTHING unless you enthusiastically agree to it.

Thank you so much for such a quick reply. See my fwh doesn't see anything wrong with riding with this guy, mainly because he said he has never told him about it and has never discussed anything about it, we only heard it from his son to our daughter, our kids have been friends for a few years. He also says that he doens't "hang" out with him its only riding because they don't really talk unless eating it's just riding. This particular guy has come over a couple times to help my fwh with something, they kind of exchange work. He just doens't see it as anything wrong unless he starts talking about it. So what do you do? I'm not so sure he is so appalled at infidelity, it makes me sick where I have to get up and leave the room if something comes on tv about infidelity, he wont just change the channel but if he knows it bothers me he'll say I can change it, some people say maybe it's because his infidelity was 16 yrs ago. You're right I will never trust him again I do hope the suspicion will go away some. This is where I really struggle on agreeing on these things, he does everything else he should as far as rebuilding trust ect. It's all so confusing. thanks again

I recently kind of have this same problem with my FWH and am unsure with how to deal with it.

There is a married man that he has been on the job with (not co-workers just on the same job in the field) that has been giving us preview movie tickets (before they come out in the theaters) and we have taken him up on the offer many times and used this as our weekly "date" night.

Well the last time we went to a movie with this guy we met him for a drink before the movie. There was a woman (not his wife) with him at the place where we met and he introduced her as a co-worker and friend. And although i do not think that married men and married women should go out together unless it is a group thing i did not think too much about it AT FIRST.

However as the evening progressed and you heard the conversation between the two of them it was obvious to me that they were more than co-workers or friends.

Since that evening i have told my husband that i do not want to accept any more tickets from this guy nor do i want to have anything to do with him.

My husband just keeps saying that "we don't know for sure" but even that night my husband was uncomfortable around them because he thought something as well.

I am really unhappy with my husband for even still talking to this guy but i agree that "we do not know for sure" even though i overheard their conversation in the movie theater and i feel that i "do know for sure".

I just really really do NOT want my FWH to even associate with this guy anymoe but he will not stop and i do not like it.