Hi ILA:

I was trying 2 decide whether 2 post anymore (recovery really started, don't want 2 lose momentum), when I saw you asked me a direct 2uestion!

Anyway, our RA lawyer was nobody special. In fact, their firm specializes in corporate real estate law. He was recommended 2 us by our realtor. He did a decent job, considering the circumstances we were dealing with, which was pretty different from what you're facing.

If you bought your house not 2 long ago, and you got along with your realtor, consider calling them back for a referral 2 a RA lawyer.

-ol' 2long

Thanks Buddy for the reply. Best of luck to you.

I finally filed for D...just got pushed too far legally and financially. Last thing I wanted to do, but wasn't left with much choice. Quite honestly I'm about there emotionally too. Turns out WW filed also and I found out today she actually beat me by a day....I guess she's the petitioner and I'm the respondent now....oh well.

The few times we talk now it's pretty much a guaranteed defensive struggle. The only reason we talk is because of legal stuff or finances and that always ends up getting us both upset. She is so selfish and so disrespectful right now that I can't even stand to speak to her.

I guess I'm pretty much at plan B....or maybe even plan FU....not sure. I haven't officially left plan A but my will is pretty broken right now. Unfortunately I can't be in touch with her and feel what I should feel...I'm so upset and angry that I just avoid her and try not to think about her. I can really feel things slipping away for me.....so that tells me a lot.

There's so much focus on immediate financial and legal issues right now that I think the emotions of our R have taken a back seat.....at least for me they have. I'm sure I'll go through another period of missing WW and longing to have her back, but unfortunately we are combatants at the current time.

Thanks for the info. 2long, I'll keep trudging through this issue with my house. We'll just have to see what happens.

Hi ILA- sorry you're in this mess....

I am a loan officer, and as far as a bank will see a short sale v. foreclosure- it's pretty much 6 of one, half dozen of the other. A foreclosure has to be 3 years out to get another home loan, same with a short sale in this day and age. If things ever loosen up again those timelines may shorten. I remember the day when I could get 100% financing for someone 1 day!! out of BK. Alas, those days are gone for BK and short sale.

Hope this helps.

HTH

Hey HTH, thanks for that input. I really thought it was worse than that. Only 3 years? I'm surprised.

I did talk to a friend of our family who is a bank president back where I'm from in Ks. He really thought that it will all depend on the circumstances when it comes to getting future credit.

Good thing is that all my other credit is spotless (I just got my 3 free credit reports and there's nothing negative on there...finally!!!). Credit score has jumped up to 730 which I think is ok? So, the clean credit coupled with the fact that wife is walking out on me and leaving me holding the bag on our mortgage.....well he thought that would make a big difference. He said that with the state of the market and the housing crisis, that lenders will be really taking into consideration all of the circumstances regarding your personal situation.

This makes me feel better.

As a lender, have you seen evidence of re-writing loans to simply reduce the principal amount down to current market value? That's really the only reasonable thing that will enable me to afford keeping the house on my own.....rewriting the loan to something that I can afford on a monthly basis.

Lender (HSBC) is offering me some "relief" in terms of lowered payments for 6 months at a time.....but that's not going to solve any problems for me long term....so it really isn't an option for me.

HTH, do you think there's a possibility of a large lender like HSBC giving me a break on the amount of the loan itself?

The way I see it, it is still in their best interest. If I foreclose, it's not good for either of us. If I short sale, I lose the house, lender gets market value or less, and lender also likely loses the loan and interest they get from me. If they would re-write the loan to market value that I could afford....then I keep the house and lender keeps the loan and keeps making interest off it.

Is this even an option or is this a pipe dream??? Anyone know?
Thanks
- ILA

As for the D situation with WW.....well, it's getting uglier. The only time we talk is to fight about finances. Her L sent me an asinine letter last week telling me if I let her out from under the house loan, then she wouldn't ask for anything in return. But, if I wanted to litigate it they'd be seeking $4000/month since the day she moved out. Until recently she'd been putting $3800 a month into our JOINT account and I'd been paying all of OUR bills (hers and mine) and the mortgage using her money AND mine. It's ridiculous. L is threatening to get me to pay WW more money than she even makes in a month....doesn't even realize all of her money has gone to pay her bills and her share of mortgage. This L is a real dip sh*t....I can see what a scum bag he is already. Should be fun!!! Brutal part is I've almost lost my focus on any plan A or plan B right now.....it's essentially plan FU. I can't even stand to talk to WW right now. The MB isn't really going anywhere right now. I think I need to write a letter or two soon with plan A-intentions....then follow up with a good plan B letter shortly thereafter. Then I'll just have to leave it at that and walk away. Really sucks....only 3 months after DDay and only 9 months after marrying the "woman I will spend the rest of my life with". Man, she's soooooo f*cked up!