Good grief CL,


....there is only one thing to do..... BREATHE DEEPLY!

...and wait for the storm to pass....

((((((((((((((((((CL)))))))))))))))

Hey Chai,

Where are you girl? I love you and am thinking about you.

Chai,
praying for you...
let us know how we can help.
hugs,
cgw

How's it going, CL? We need an update.

CL,

How are you doing?

Thinking about you.

C,

Hope that you are holding up OK.

Who

Hi all,

Thanks for checking in on me. Somedays I wonder how I got here. I did everything they told me to do. I went to school, studied hard, got a degree (advanced degree at that), got a job, worked very hard, have never broken a law (Ok, 1 speeding ticket 35 years ago), paid my taxes on time, never ran with scissors, never left the house with dirty underwear on, and, well, you get my drift.

So, my WH takes off with OW and my only child (with a Bachelor's degree I might add) is sitting in a cell downtown. And by the way, in solitary because she has a mouth that just won't shut.

My only conclusion is that it must be me doing something wrong. I seem to be the common denominator here.

Anyway, DD did tell me that WH came to town to visit her for 15 minutes this weekend. Wow, a whole 15 min. Guilt must be present in some form or another.

I happened to be one of the lucky diners who ate at PF Chang where the cook had hepatitis A. They set up a clinic to give everyone shots, so got mine today. Sure hope it works because I don't have health insurance now. I'm madly searching for employment so that I can pay my bills and get insurance.

Not much else happening on the D bus. I've submitted all of the paperwork that WH's atty requested. Guess it just takes time to sort through it all.

Have been going to the D support group at the church. It's about 2/3 women, 1/3 men. All in various stages of the cycle. Can't tell you how many times I heard the wayward script repeated by a BS there. So many....

So that's my life lately. I feel like I'm due for something good, even if it is small. Maybe these days, just being above ground is good, although I could probably argue that too.

You all are my one good thing. Having the support here has been a blessing and has kept me above ground many times. Thanks so much for your help.

WRONG... WRONG... WRONG.

You are NOT responsible for their choices. Want me to repeat that again. You are NOT resposible for their choices.

What you are responsible is your choice in how you react to their choices. And blaming yourself isn't doing them or you any good. Please don't do that. It will eat you up and possible kill you.

They are doing what they are doing because they are ADDICTS. And NOTHING we did, do made them make that final choice. We don't have that kind of POWER over another human being.

How's that talking to G-d going girlfriend?

Chai, I literally have crawled from the depths of death, and if it weren't for G-d I would be dead. Please read the bible, talk to him and cried to him. One day it will feel better. I can promise you that.

Hi CL,


I agree with Queenie.

I have been learning a lot lately about one's 'internal dialogue'. Have come to the conclusion that my current internal dialogue seems toget me into a lot of trouble.... seems to be contributing solely in increasing my anxiety level....so decided to try CHANGING it.

CL,

Rather than thoughts similar to the above, please consider replacing them with thoughts such as: No matter what, I will be OK.

...and in the meantime, focus your energy on this:

what do I need to be doing to take care of myself better NOW, what do I need to do to get myself out of this UNHEALTHY situation, and WHAT DO I NEED TO BE DOING to avoid putting myself in similar UNHEALTHY situations in the future.

It's what I am TRYING to do.... and if you decide to try it out, let me how it works for you.

((((((((((((((((((((((CL))))))))))))))))))

Hey Chai

Just checking in with you. Not posting much these days but keeping you, Queenie and others in my prayers.

Hope you are well...

Smartie

Me, too, CL. Wondering how you're doing.

I talked to Chai on the phone today. She sounds ok. She has been busy with moving her store and said she will try and get on here tonight or tomorrow.

We miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


{{{{{{{{{{{Chai}}}}}}}}}}

Hi Smartie, Luna, Queenie, SD, Who and all my other MB friends!!

I'm doing OK. Since my little retail store is going to have to be my only means of support, I thought that I had better dive in and make my move a success. So...I've been packing, packing, packing, moving, unpacking, arranging, unpacking, rearranging, unpacking some more, and going crazy. At one point had to call reenforcements in to help me, so had 8 people buzzing around getting things done. But, it all came together in the end and we're ready for business. I moved to a better area into a shopping center, so hopefully I can get a little more income out of it. Time will tell I guess.

Nothing new on the D front. I still have to deliver copies of tax returns for the last three years, but I'm not rushing to do it. I'll do it when I'm d@mn good and ready. So there. (Whoo hoo, starting to get tough I am!)

I've been going to the D support group, and we talked about anger last night. I seem to still be in my anger phase, but I'm the retreating type. You know... I go into the cave and sulk. But...they said that I had to get the anger out in a contructive way. I'm working on it.....

Hi CL,


Yeah...can't ask for more.

...and it looks like you're keeping busy! ...that's good.

Take care.

Luna

bumping for CL.

...and how are you doing?

Hey Luna,

Thanks for checking on me. If you weren't for you and the others on here, I would be sooo depressed.

Not much new on my end. WH is fighting dirty now with atty's. Sent his atty copies of bank statements with everything circled where I used the debit card. I mean everything - lunches, dinners, vet bills for our dog (which he noted as "chai's dog"). Keep in mind that I didn't have a job then so he was my support. I ate out a lot because he was not in town and I was working 12 hours per day at my business, taking care of elderly mother, taking care of our administrative stuff, dealing with DD, maintaining house etc. Like I really had time to cook when I got back to the house at 9:30pm every night. Yes, the house that was falling down around me because he was too busy to come home and help me maintain it. Unbelievable.

Anger, anger, anger again this week.....

Then I go to feeling bad because DD said she tried to get in touch with him for several days and his phone was turned off. I figured he was on vacation with OW or something, but he told DD he was sick in the hospital. What does a BS in Plan B do in that case? It was too late anyway since he was out, but I felt bad. Maybe I shouldn't have because he now has OW to help him.

I did go to a party given by the minister and his wife who head up the D support group. It was a nice evening out for me.

Although it is an up and down situation, I can see where I'm trending up over time. I know that this will leave scars that may never go away but WILL heal over time. At least now I know to expect the downers and just ride it through on the way to the uppers. Uppers seem to last a little longer these days.

A customer of mine told me about her situation which was exactly the same as mine. She was also married 34 years when her H left her for OW. That was 7 years ago. She said that WH and OW are M now and have been for a few years but that she hears there is unrest there. Go figure. The odds are so much against success over the long haul, but still they do it anyway.

Hang in there Chai. It does get much better when all of the legal fighting is over.

Stick with your Plan B, stay out of his way, and make OW meet all of his needs.

Thanks Believer. I needed to hear it - stick with Plan B. It's getting ugly though. I'm going to have to fight really hard to keep my retirement fund from going to WH and his gold digger. I'd rather see it burn in a bonfire if you know what I mean....

{{{{{{{{{{{CL}}}}}}}}}}

You are doing awesome and are awesome.

I got your message and will try calling you tonight. I was going to yesterday, but I ended up spending the afternoon with my son and going to a Passover Seder.

You can do this. You have already walked through so much and so many on here are pulling for you.

Hi CL,

I am with Believer...stick to plan B, and keep as far away as you can from WS's path...as you already have a lot to deal with without needing to add to that any insensitive, selfish behaviour that WSs are notorious for....

...and keep breathing...DEEPLY!

((((((((((((((((CL)))))))))))))))