I have just finished reading 'His needs, Her needs' and I was to say the least horrified when I read the bit about it being much harder for the man to end the A where a woman can usually do it very easily.
My WH and I have just begun recovery and I know he isnt being completely forthcoming with me. I know at this stage he is still in the fog to some extent so I am not pushing for 'I love you's' or anything like that but I just want to be assured that he really does want this to work.
My main fear is this. She met his need in a sexual manner, to be plan and simple about it she was happy to do things I would never even consider and he wouldnt even go there with me. But our sex life has always been good and satisfying even while he was with her as well (it was an internet A and I know that he did meet her once but obviously she wasnt as into him as he was into her cause after they met she started making all sorts of excuses not to keep it going in person other than via email and phone). I know she is in a relationship and I am trying to suss it all out to find her partner and expose the A to him but they are in another state so it makes it difficult to say the least.
I cant meet those needs, I can be the best person in the world but I can not behave like a prostitute so how do I meet this need with out degrading myself and doing things I am not comfortable with????
He has just taken a new job and I am worried that the A has only ended because of the following factors -
- She has ended it because she isnt really that into him. And I know she ended it not the other way around. I am trying to see this as a god send but how do I know he wont go back if she makes contact.
She is in no way a viable wife/partner to put in front of his new employer yet I am because I have the knowledge to be able to mix and mingle with them but she would never fit in with these people.
- I am simply just comfortable, reliable, and dependable so he is thinking he will just stay with me for the sake of it??
I want to know that it is over. But after reading his emails to her I know that if she starts up with the sexy stuff again I am going to be in a real tough place again and I know I am not out of the tough place yet??
So do become something that I find repulsive to satisfy his need or just hope that no access to a computer and not being able to contact her will be enough for it to die??