Hi JT,

Let's talk over the weekend ok and see what we can arrange together.

I worry about you? How are you doing?

I love you too.... almost most spring break

I could use a little hug here.

I just got word that my house probably has sold. I am listening to an offer tonight and it's just devastated me. I am the one doing all this STUFF to get us out of our M and i don't want to.

What's up with that. Anyways, I've been on my knees, I'm pretty all cried out and I could just use a hug.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{Queenie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I just don't know what to say. I wish I could give you a real life hug, my friend.

Hi Queenie.

(((((((((((((Queenie)))))))))))))

I can't imagine how you feel. Try to look at it as just one more step in your voyage. It's not fair, but shows how strong you really are. Can you imagine doing this 9 months ago?

What you are bing put through is not pretty, but you are handling it like the GODDESS you are.

((((((((((Queenie)))))))))))

Beautifully said!

{{{{{QUEENIE}}}}}

I know its hard, but look at what positive things go along with selling the house. How much time is now freed up by having this sale taken care of? It gives you even more time with your kids because you aren't expending energy on the old house.

You are getting a true fresh start.

Give yourself time to mourn a bit about the house, but don't wallow. Oh, how tempting it is to wallow.....

I wish I could be more cheery for you!

((((Queenie)))))

It's another step in your journey. There are probably bad memories there of the old M, so best to let them go. Prepare yourself for the new M when the time comes. Keep getting stronger like you have been doing, and good things will come.

Remember, you need to be strong and ready for whatever God has in store for you.

Love and hugs.....

Thank you so much, SMB, TMTS, Mojo, Chai,

My parents moved us around all the time and I never had roots, it was so important to me to give my kids that. For so long I thought it was that house. I loved that house. I wanted my grandchildren to come home for holidays to that house and together my husband I would share in those memories. But, as this door closes I realized sometime tonight that those roots that mean so much to me are what come from me that G-d gives me.

G-d gives me gifts of tolerance, understanding, perserverance, commitment, etc that I get to pass onto my children and Tikum Olan, which is repair the world. I'm not going down without fighting for my M, but I am stepping aside and letting the true leader of this family have it to mold and guide along this journey.

I trust G-d, I trust this journey I am on. And you are so right TMTS, 9 mnoths ago, I would have wanted to kill myself, etc. But tonight, I just did what I did, listened to the offer, and then went to my AA meeting where I got to be acknowledged for my birthday month.

I am walking through it because G-d is holding my hand and is helping me. It's not what I am doing, it's because I have FAITH in G-d that as this door of my life closes, one day there will be something good.

Actually Mojo, I haven't done anything for the selling of the house, the contractors has done all the work. So, it's not really something taken off my plate. It's just one door more closer to my old marriage ending.

I needed your hugs tonight everyone. I felt them and really, where this might have killed me for hours upon hours and even days, I am doing relatively ok with it. I took care of myself by telling the contractor I needed to go to my AA meeting and I will go back over there tomorrow and crunch the numbers. They were drinking and I did NOT want to be around that.

I AM walking through this with dignity and grace, because I have FAITH that one day G-d will bless me with something. But until he does, I just keep on keeping on and reach to him for guidance.

Well I made a counter offer and probably they house is sold. I accepted just about everything, their realtor wanted a bigger cut, so I upped the cost of the house to make up that difference.

Contractor will get a hold of WH and get him to sign off on offer. If not, then he has a stipulation on there the house now becomes his responsibility. I can't imagine he will do that.

We will get enough equity out of the house to pay off our bills and nothing more. It's sad, 24 years and there nothing to show. Oh well. I am in G-ds hands.

I'm at work catching up in the quiet. Plan to go shopping for plants later and then probably spend the rest of the night at home, maybe alone.

I know it's what G-d wants, I know he needs me to trust him and just keep walking, but it's sad and it hurts.

I hope everyone else is having a great weekend.

Queenie:

My perspective on MY HOUSE was different than yours...

As soon as it was clear to me that my H was leaving me for the OW, I was deadset on moving out of OUR HOUSE...it was our DREAM HOUSE, the floor plan, every room planned to OUR LIKING..

It sold on the very first day that it was put on the market. That was the day my H contacted me to try to reconcile. He knew that by me putting that house that I LOVED on the market and then selling it that I WAS FINISHED with THAT CHAPTER of my life..that I was MOVING ON...

As far as I was concerned and I still feel that way, his AFFAIR TARNISHED THAT HOUSE AND THOSE MEMORIES...

That HOUSE still has a special place in my heart. I can ENVISION EACH ROOM..I'm really into that kind of stuff, designing, etc...but when he left, it was just a HOUSE, not a HOME...


This all goes to say...It was HELPFUL to me, to LET ALL OF THE PAST GO...I'm still like that. From PLAN B onto now, I'm a person that lives in the NOW with HOPES of the FUTURE. My H's affair changed me into this person. I ONLY HAVE TODAY AND TOMORROW. The PAST IS OVER..I'm LETTING IT GO.

Just like I LET HIM GO..the OLD HUSBAND that I HAD..I LET GO OF EVERYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH THAT OLD HUSBAND...

We do have a NEW RELATIONSHIP, a MIXTURE of some of the old but MOSTLY building on the NEW...

Make sense?

Thanks Mimi,

You have the best way of looking at stuff. Thanks,

At least your H tried to contact you. Mine just walked away and hasn't tried once. I know there was no other way but Plan B. I know that G-d wants me away from him and to just walk in FAITH and TRUST HIM.

And right now, my relationship with G-d and my FAITH in him is what will get me through this.

And so OUT WITH THE OLD and ONTO THE NEW LIFE...

Today is the 7th day not checking emails and phone logs to see what WH is up to. In many ways it's peaceful, but as someone who likes control I have my MOMENTS.

I'm still having the hardest time sleeping. I went to the store to get Tylenol PM like everyone suggested, then met up with someone there who suggested this sleeping pill.

Well, I took her sugggestion and where you take 1, I took 2 the first night and 3 last night. I'm still NOT sleeping. I wake up during the night almost every hour now.

I hate sleeping alone. I think this is probably one of the worst things is not having him next to me to talk to at night or first thing in the morning. So I lay there and try and rack my brains about stuff. The regrets... which are totally USELESS.. Keeping my FAITH alive, which is really all I HAVE.

There were two stuffed animals that my H and I gave each other when we were dating. I decided to start sleeping with them and holding them tightly. As I hold onto my love for him.

I have begun writing in my journal again, putting to paper my thoughts, hope and dreams of my marriage being restored as well as honestly going to those places of truth and seeing what is there. I am walking through the darkness when it comes. I allow myself the luxury of crying and wishing, but it doesn't last for days anymore. It seems to just be short times. Some days are easiser than others.

I continue to recover personal and am bound and determined to allow G-d to heal me and work towards becoming what he wants me to be. I was so beaten down in spirit, mind and soul. That I don't believe there was anyother way for G-d to get my attention or bring me to my knees and be willing to do anything to become healthy.

I think I have come to a place of more acceptance of what is happening, moving on with my life, seeing what I can and can't do and learning how to proceed forward with the help of G-d. The opportunity of almost losing my season tickets and truly being in a place of letting G-d have it, gave me the experience of letting my H go and leaving him with G-d. It's harder for sure, but I know there is NO OTHER WAY.

My children and I continue to bond closer. We went to the movies over the weekend and saw 21. They see I am still hurting as well as I tell them I am, but I also tell them I love there father dearly and want our marriage. And that no matter what it looks like, I am fighting for our family. But that sometimes you have to let something go in order to get it back.

I have NO IDEA what is going on is WH's world. I am completely dark or as dark can be. I would be lying if I said I want to know. The urge to check the emails and phone log is there, bad. But I am trusting G-d to leave it alone and let him alone. It's just so hard.

My heart is breaking for Luna. I hear the sadness and unsurity of her situation in what to do and I am so afraid that will be me in two years. What I do know is that if it comes, I will walk through it because G-d will help me.

What I have learned the most through this is, EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING, can be taken away from you by G-d, because he is the one who gives it to you in the first place. But the ONE THING, that can NEVER be taken is my relationshiop with Him. I can only GIVE that AWAY, and for that I am grateful because it was HIM who got me through this by you all, and so many other ways. I needed G-d to become most important to me. I don't take my relationship with him for granted, I am just grateful he didn't give up on me.

It's not even 5 yet, I am on vacation, maybe now I can fall back asleep and get some more rest.

I don't have time this morning to read all on your thread that I have missed.

I just wanted to remind you of the PURPOSE of Plan B. It is to PROTECT you from the emotional trauma of his affair and wayward attitude.

If it helps him come out of his fog, that will be an extra blessing, but it's purpose is to PROTECT YOU from further abuse.

I think keeping your eyes on THAT goal will help you realize that Plan B IS working.

Take care, my friend.

Thank you, I needed that reminder.

If you look at it that way, you are right. I am no longer being abused by the A, or by his WW antics.

I am protected.

It still hurts...

But I am protected and not in the drama of his life at all.

I have been reading that thread about how much is too much sex and I just want to smash something right now. This brings up a very sensitive subject with me. In my sitch, I was the one who always wanted sex. Everyday would have been what I wanted. I wanted an adventurous life with my H and he was the one who pushed me away and was more reserved in bed.

I tried for years and years to work on this, but there was something in play for my H, he was too tired, too stressed, couldn't concentrate etc. This is by far my highest EN. And he refused at many times during out M to meet this need. And finally, while he was having his affair, he would put me off telling me I wasn't safe or he couldn't trust me, the whole time getting his needs met, while he left me struggling internally and mentally. I learned to just deal with it and survive the only way I knew how. Volunteer and get my mind off of it.

The fact that he went out and found someone else, walked away from our M for her and has not given me one chance to work on our M has crippled me in so many ways, but this has to be the most hurtful of all.

He took what was something I offered at any time for him, in anyway and threw it back in my face saying whatever excuse he had, and then finds a low class, white trash crack ho with hepatits C and says she is more than me.

I just want to smash something.

Venting over... thank you

Do you really believe that G-d is responsible for EVERYTHING that gets taken away from you? I think many of us are guilty of thinking this way, when in fact, sometimes, things happen by our own or someone else's choices. I believe G-d will ALLOW things to happen. Sometimes He even removes His hand when we sin.

In your situation however, I truly don't believe that G-d had anything to do with your WH leaving because your WH had the free will to make his own choices. I DO think that G-d has used this situation to bring you closer to Him and has intervened in ways that let you know it had to be Him.

You going into Plan B just allows you to get even closer to G-d because you're having to rely even MORE on Him. Taking the focus off of WH and moving your eyes to G-d can only help you.

I know it's hard and it hurts like heck sometimes, but Queenie, you WILL come out of this whole.

Maybe I said it the wrong way, but yes in a way I do.

For me, G-d knows my life, he knows how I was dying inside and living a life that was destructive. I was unhealthy, angry, selfish, and miserable. But I could never understand why. I loved my husband, I loved my kids and pretty much loved my life.

What was missing was my relationship with G-d, so yes I believe that G-d took him away to reach me, have me hit botton on how I was living my life and watch me struggle and learn to grow and become who he ultimately wants.

I took my M for granted, I didn't have G-d as the most important thing in my M, and I know that I was not a good wife.

Part of me is just plain scared that who WH lives with now is so much more understanding, loving, caring, and giving, beyond anything I could ever be. And I don't stand a chance.

But all of that is out of my hands, I have no way of know what she is really like and I just get to keep walking in FAITH, that I will come out of this WHOLE.

That's really all I want is to be someone who is whole and serves G-d with all my heart and soul. A relationshiop would be a bonus, I am made to be with someone. but that's a long way off I imagine.

Hi Queenie-

I am so proud of you for protecting yourself and your boys from the negative influence of your WH in his very wayward state by going into Plan B.

I know the house issue was hard, and it really stinks to be the only one taking care of the "grown up" issues that happen in real life. But I can see that there are blessings too-you are not haunted by the memories of that house. Your boys have peace at your apartment that you have made a cozy home for them.

I would like to offer a possible clarification on what you maybe meant-from what I've come to understand about what God is doing when terrible things happen in our lives, whether we experience them because of the choices of others, or because we live in a fallen world.

I don't believe that God took your WH away from you. That would mean God is the one who planned your WH to commit a sin that God stated-very clearly in His word-is against His character and His commandments.

But, because He is God, and He knew that this would happen. God never steps in and stops our free will. He wants us to choose to be in a relationship with Him freely. God knew this would happen. He knew your WH would do this, just like He knew mine would. And,in His great love for you and His knowledge that you would need a deeper relationship with Him to get through this time, God has turned this into something that has good in it for you. You have found your heart in Him and found your own voice, strength and "goddess-ness". (I think I just made up a new word).

It's good because YOU chose-through YOUR free will-to turn to God and find Him as your rescuer. Just like the shepherd in the 23rd Psalm. It's His love in you that gives you strength.

I hope this makes sense.

Love you-

Hey JT, Is it going to fit into your plans to meet sometime this week or maybe on Sunday?

I would really love to see you again. Are you all healed up from the cold?

I hate Plan B, but there was no other way. NONE. And so I have G-d protecting me and guiding me. He is really all I need right now anyways.

Yes, I am making a home for the boys, and with moving the furniture around it opens up a little more possibility for pictures or decorating or possibly a quilt. Not sure yet. Going to let G-d take me there.

I don't know JT. I knew that my H was a hurt human being who loved me so deeply once. Part of me feels like I failed G-d by not reaching for G-d instead of looking at outside things to fill me up. Remember, I was dying inside as well. I think G-d set up situations where WH and I were forced to choose and he chose one way and I sought G-d.

I love my H so much and it's so sad just sitting back and wondering what's happening. I know I shouldn't but I do. Today just seems like one of those days when I am a little more sad. I went exercising, went to work, went to tan, brought dinner home and am sitting here. I have chosen some fabrics to maybe begin quilting, but I can't bring myself to do it. I used to lvoe quilting so much.

My heart in sad today, just sad. I know G-d is there, I know I will get through it, but the feelings are nonetheless still there.

I keep wondering when I will stop loving him so much, but you know what, I might never and knowing that he is with someone else just plain hurts me deeply.

Yes, I have work to do on me, and I trust G-d with my life, but I can't help thinking that had a been a better servant, I wouldn't have lost my H.

How come you aren't SHAKING HIM OUT OF YOUR HEAD?

You do have the POWER to CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS!!