Had you ever thought that this was part of THE PLAN?

I think that about A LOT that has happened in my life, the INFIDELITY among lots of INCREDIBLE stuff...

That it was part of THE PLAN for you to blossom into the WONDERFUL PERSON that you are now...

That this may be part of THE PLAN for your legacy..

For DYLAN and DYLAN'S children and on down the line....

How you may be breaking the CYCLE of your FAMILY?

I believe in how GOD has this all PLANNED OUT for the GOOD..but HE is too AWESOME for us to ever understand HIS PLAN...

Check out the book THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN...

I am the kind of person that does believe everything happens for a reason. It's my need to push to FIND the reason that frustrates me. I'm learning to wait to see it all unfold. That whole control thing spread far and wide, when you've done it for so long.

I remember hearing from someone, I think it was my sister, about some book she read. The book talked about people who believed in reincarnation; that we choose, before coming to this place, what lessons we are to learn; that with each life, we evolve more and more. Now, I don't know that I believe in reincarnation as such, but I do believe in things happening to teach us lessons, some really hard, some we whiz right thru.

It is MY PLAN to learn from this, about myself, about my choices, and so many other things. I DO feel like a stronger lady. I DO feel like a better person, less shallow, more caring, more aware, of myself and those around me. I feel as if I'm MORE grateful for the things I do have, for my blessings in this life.

Experiencing as much pain as I have, so many things pale in comparison, and I laugh at how seriously I took them, and easily let them go.

I also am more focused on being a good teacher for my son, and to being his parent, first and foremost, guiding him, instead of trying to be his bestest buddy all the time. We'll have lots of fun, along the way, but I'm not interested in being a pushover. He will have a lot of choices to make in his parents' absense; I'd like to give him a better chance to make those that are good for him, in his life. I dunno, just hoping for better for my kid than what I had . I think we all hope that, as parents.

Isn't this WONDERFUL?!

EXACTLY!!!

That strength is going to come in handy. Looks like PWC is signing his lease agreement this evening (something got botched by the renter's last night), and is saying he will be moving his stuff out starting Saturday, soooooo, he will be telling DS soon, probably tonite or early tomorrow.

This is the part that I've been dreading. Cross your fingers that we can all keep it together. I know I'm gonna be teary, and I detest that about myself, sometimes. I don't want to make it more emotional for DS because his mom can't hold back the tears. ARGH!

I'm ready.

Silent:

I am waiting for the conversation.....

On one end of the spectrum:

DS, I'm moving out cuz Mommy doesn't want me here. (Or nothing at ALL, he's just GONE...)

To this end:

DS, I'm so sorry for doing this, but I can not find it in myself to put forth the effort neded to make this M with your Mommy work, so I am leaving.

Should you cry? You just might because it's emotional. Do not be concerned, about it. I would be more concerned if you didn't.

(((S/L))) (((DS)))

LG

Great that you are getting him out. My heart breaks for you that the conversation with DS has to be had. Praying for you that it goes as well as can be expected.

Hi SL.

I will be thinking of you and Dylan tonight. It is good that this phase will be over.

(((((SL)))))

LG,

PWC emailed me a while back that he was going to tell him something along those lines, but less maligning for himself, I'm sure. I'll have to look up that email and give it a read.

My girlfriend just said the same thing, about crying. I don't think it's really possible for me to hold back the tears, especially if DS reacts as I think he will. The pit of my stomach is aching, go figure.

Guy, I am ready for this to be over. All this waiting has had me tied in knots. DS would ask questions when his dad was coming home late, or complain that he missed his dad, meanwhile, I'm thinking in my head, "oh, baby, this is just the tip of the iceberg", and would break a little inside. I would also wonder how much he clearly remembered his dad being gone last year and before.

No pity party for us, though. I'm going to be there for him. Seems PWC wants to be there too, for DS. He's already talking about taking him to his karate class every other week. We'll see.

Silent:

Off Topic:

We took DS15 to see Spamalot on Broadway in December....

It was great!

Then we watched the movie.... Spamalot was much better...

LG

I soooo wanted to see that show. el moulah was pretty tight back then. Well, it's gonna be REALLY tight now, but I'll have to make concessions here and there.

I'll have to settle for the DVD for now.

Thinking of you and Dylan. Y'all ok? ((SL)))

SL,

Hope all went as well as could be expected under the circumstances. Hope you and your DS are doing kay. Thinking about you and praying for you (((((((((((((SL)))))))))))))).

Good morning ladies!

PWC moved out Saturday afternoon. He still has much to recover from the house, so he will be back to pick that up sometime soon.

We told DS Friday night, and he took it surprisingly well. No problems with sleep, so far, which is good. He came into my room later, and told me that he was sad and said he was going to miss his daddy. I just comforted him with a hug and told him I understood.

DS and I went to a birthday party for a friend of mines' son, he turned one. DS had a great time, but I noticed he was coughing a lot and his nose was running. Went to get hair cut (it looks nice, short bob), and returned to the party for some afternoon excitment. DS felt tired around 5PM, so we went home. After about an hour of rest, DS developed a fever. Woke up Sunday morning with heavy cough, green ooze and conjunctivitis. YUCK! So DS is now illen and I'm home with him.

His eyes were welded shut this morning. I had to get out my Bosch Brute Breaker Hammer Drill 11304 to break some of the hard guck off of his eyes (yes, guck is a medical term--I've heard it used). He's a trooper though, with the eye drops and wiping the gewey guck off.

DS must not have really grasped what we talked about, Daddy moving out and all, because he told me again last night that he couldn't wait for daddy to come back. I told him that Daddy moved out, and is not moving back in, but that he will go to his house and spend time with him there, as well as have one overnight EVERY week. He was satisfied with that. Not ecstatic, but satisfied.

I'm doing just fine, thanks for asking. Finances are a bit scary, but the summer months make some things less expensive (like Fuel Oil for heating) and I'll be cutting back on the cable and clipping coupons again. Small changes will make a difference.

I woke up Sunday morning, chipped away the guck from DS eyes, and got to CLEANING. PWC has been sleeping on the couch, so I haven't really cleaned in that area. I vacuumed everything, wiped everything, dusted, mopped, got all my laundry done. The house sparkled. I'm going to repaint the living room and work on the baseboards in there next. One room at a time, as budget friendly as possible.

It's peaceful for now, inside and out. No major turmoil this time around. I think PWC being as he was these last months has made it a relief to be away from him. I was treated poorly, or ignored, and ended up not liking him much anymore. Sad statment, but true, no less.

{{{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}}

I don't believe I have ever posted to you before. Wow, you are amazing, while your strength and attitude is so inspiring. I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

I do understand that peace of not having the ickiness around though it still empty and it still hurts, deeply.

I can only say that you are in my prayers as you walk through this next part of your journey.

Queenie, BABY! Thanks for dropping in.

I am hurt deeply, but I process things so much better than I did when I was in Plan B. It may be that I was given the chance to do all I could. I exhausted most every effort. I didn't do it all perfectly, but I had an unwilling partner, who refused to correct me if/when i was wrong. I now see how much I've done, and how I'm handling things.

The person that left here Saturday is someone I'm not going to miss, and I'm accepting that this IS PWC NOW. The trick I'm having now is NOT applying who he is now to who he was (if that makes sense). I don't want to tarnish all of my memories by second guessing how much he loved me then. I want to believe that PWC did love me at one time.

One thing I am sure of, I did love PWC a great deal for a very long time, thru all this affair guck.

Of course, it's only been 36 hours since he's been gone, and I know how this whole separation cycle/withdrawal thing works, so we'll see how I feel later. The thing I've always struggled with is wondering how HE feels, if HE misses me, if HE loves me. So far, very little of that. I hope that trend continues

Your strength is shining through and I know that you will be ok, because of your willingness to do everything you could and still be able to keep moving forward and growing.

What the plan is... we don't know, but I was reading the post from Mimi where she says, maybe this is the plan all along.

I read last night before I went to bed, on page 449 of the big Book (what we alcoholics call the big book)m, on acceptance. One sentence keeps jumping out. NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING happens in G-d world by mistake.

Do we know the outcome, not yet, but we don't know from experience that we have Him to look towards for guidance and on here we know we are loved and understood, and cared about.

You make a difference in people's lives on here and I am sure in your world. You make a difference in my life and I'm learning from you as you go.

Time heals all, time take times... I hate all those sayings that talk about the healing process and for you and so many others, we are still going there. At least we have time and know that we will heal. That is something I didn't know a few short months. I couldn't even imagine living without my H, but I do know.



{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}}}}

It sounds like DS was seeing things for what they were before his Dad left. Kids are pretty smart about this stuff.

I think you will do fine. You have done the Plan B route before so although bitter, I think the new separation will settle pretty quickly for you. Spring coming will help a ton.

It should go much easier knowing that Plan D is the only path now and recovery no longer an option.

You sound pretty good. I knew you would.

My best to DS. I hope he feels better soon.

Hi SL,

Just dropping by for support and to let you know that you are in my thoughts...and know that your journey is not lost on the many here that are at various stages of that same journey....self-discovery!

(((((((((((SL))))))))))))))))

I've wondered about this. Hmmmm, I dunno if easy is the word, but there is more of a sense of permanence, in terms of my marital situation. There's no more turmoil over what he's thinking, or why he's doing what he's doing (or NOT doing). I would be shadowboxing at this point, if I was trying to figure this all out about him. I'm just not interested. I don't even want to sit around and think about our past. I would love to be able to look back at some of it with the joy that I felt in those past moments, and not attach the pain of the present to it. We'll see.

DS may be more equipped this time around. It's only been a couple of days, but so far, so good. All I know is he's having fun with me. We had a balloon fight, which was nice. He's currently randomly beating me about the head with his blue and yellow balloons. What can I say, the boy loves his mom!

DS has opened up a bit here and there. HE says stuff like "so, it's just gonna be you and me, forever?" I tell him I'll always be here for him; that I'm not going anywhere. I tell him his schedule with his dad, so that he can log that in his memory files. With consistency, on all fronts, I believe DS will do well.

Spring's coming is going to help a great deal! I'm ready for that. Lotsa work to do outside, including needing to repair our copper pipe for our outside spicket. Oy (insert rolley eye here)

With you as his Mother, I believe DS will do very well indeed.