James,

I completely agree about the state guidelines...they suck majorly. Can't help but think someone without kids made those up.

Anyway, I am really glad your evaluation is going so well. I have been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I also agree you need to be very careful what you say. Don't want to shoot yourself in the foot.

Hope everything continues to improve.

Hi James,

Checking in on your to see how you are doing? You ok?

Many hugs for Bugs, GC, and Queenie.. thanks for keeping tabs on me. I know that my posts have been fewer and farther between, but I think the whole 'downtime' on the boards was really healthy for me, and allowed me to detach from the situation and focus on God, me, and the kids more, rather than getting myself wrapped up in WW and her business.

Seems lately that things have smoothed out between her and I a little bit at least. We can have disagreements and confrontations about things without either of us getting angry about it. Calm, rational, adult talk.. even if in the end we simply agree to disagree. I think it's a positive step.

Been staying busy with DS and DD lately, and with the weather improving the last couple of times DS has been around we've spent quite a bit of time outside at the park or him driving his new Formula 1 style battery powered ride-in car around the neighborhood. He's my little Ferrari fan, and looks so adorable driving it. He'll cross his 'finish' line after a lap around the cul-de-sac and stand up on the seat with his arms raised like he just won a real grand prix. It's incredibly cute.

WW seems to have opened up a little the last few times she's come by to pick DS up. Seems DSD's biological father gave his contact information to DSD's old school so that he'd receive progress reports and updates etc. WW used this information to send him a letter of some sort.. I'm not really sure what was in it other than how to contact her. I asked last Wednesday if he had, and she said he hadn't yet, and that she was going to start proceedings against him for abandonment. Well, apparently he called her Tuesday night looking to start visitation again. WW told me that she informed him that there was no way in hell he was going to get to see his daughter after having been out of her life for four years. Not entirely sure why she's opening up to me about this other than maybe Wonderboy doesn't have the perspective that I do on the situation, having lived through it with them and it's one area where WW knows I've always in the past been 100% on her side. I just listened pretty much without offering my opinion on the matter.. and indicated that I'd be here to help her and DSD through this, and that I care.

I took the opportunity in the discussion last night to ask to see DSD again, and try and reconcile whatever problems she may have with me so that she doesn't lose another father figure in her life altogether. WW was very noncommittal about it, and at one point said that there wasn't a relationship with DSD to save anymore, and that she didn't know how I'd be able to mend the relationship. I told her I was only asking for the opportunity to try.

We'll see how it works out.. no expectations.

Apparently WW met with the lady who is doing the evaluation this past week.. raised a little bit of a stink that the evaluator told her I'd need to have DS on my usual Wednesday next week, and she was a little miffed because it was -her- time with him due to the spring break schedule. I told her I had no idea what the schedule was at DSD's new school but thanked her for being flexible on it and made sure Wednesday would go as normal.

That's about it.. as for me I'm doing pretty good. Only anxious moment in the past few weeks came Tuesday night.. I've lost my wedding ring. It's been loose for months now after having lost 40 pounds on the infidelity diet program, and with the unseasonably cool weather here it must have slipped off my finger while I was outside working in the yard on Tuesday. I didn't even notice until I went to pick up DD from softball practice that night that somewhere between coming home from work and leaving to get DD it had vanished.

I'm not too upset about it though, I look at it a few ways. First, it was not the band we exchanged with our vows as that one was too small, and this one never ended up being blessed.. it was a symbol. Second, it's a symbol of a marriage that is dead. If there is ever to be a reconciliation down the road, we'll need to build a new relationship from the ground up anyway, and the old symbols of our marriage would likely just be a reminder of our failures as husband and wife rather than a more healthy outlook with our faces turned towards a future together. Either way, I leave it in God's capable hands and trust in Him for the outcome to benefit us according to His plan.

Getting on with my life, while standing firm for my family.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

Hi there,

I'm glad you checked in. I also understand the break from here was a good thing. It's funny how G-d has things happen for lessons to be learned or to allow thing to happen in our lives. I agree. Not having MB for those days helped me to rely on G-d during the hardest time and I did it. I was actually better than ok. I would be very sad and feel a tremendous loss if this website had gone away, but G-d is the one who guides us and if not here, then somewhere else. I'm convinced of it.

I am glad this are settling down with WW. Restoration of M take a long time and G-d needs the right ingredients to be working. While we can't do the WW's part, we can and hopefully are doing OUR part and for you and me that part is staying out of the drama and letting G-d do what he is going to do.

There seems to be a piece of just not trying to do or fix things that I haven't experienced before. Yes, the sadness creeps up and I cry, but then I talk to G-d and ask him what he wants me to learn and what's my next step.

I have FAITH that DSD will come around one day as G-d gets time to work in your lives. Who knows maybe this was his way of reuniting her with his father and you are being used for a bigger purpose. We never know do we until it's over. And you are still walking through it.

How are you focusing on G-d? What are you learning from him?

If you have any interest, we started a different topic called pondering scripture that you are welcome to come join. Mark's wisdom and guidance is just awesome and we are blessed to have him involved in this.

Oh, did you read the Charlynne Cares email yesterday about FAITH. Pretty amazing. Actually it's still amazing how her topics always seem to find there way into my topic of the day.

Happy Spring. It's a wonderful time with all the colors, flowers and laughter of our children outside.

{{{{{{{{{James}}}}}}}}}}}}

Jamesus,

Thinking of you, and hoping you're having a good week.

sushi

John 6: 16 - 21
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

16 When evening came, his disciples went down to the sea,
17 got into a boat, and started across the sea to Caper'na-um. It was now dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them.
18 The sea rose because a strong wind was blowing.
19 When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and drawing near to the boat. They were frightened,
20 but he said to them, "It is I; do not be afraid."
21 Then they were glad to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land to which they were going.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Thanks Queenie, Sushi for stopping in, I'm glad you guys are out there thinking of me.

I'm doing pretty well. I have my final meeting with the evaluator tomorrow nite, so I spent yesterday doing some picking up and cleaning up around the house. She's going to get to experience the wackiness of DS and I together which should be interesting. I plan on treating it just like a regular nite with him, just having someone there to observe.


The scripture above was from the daily mass readings a few days ago, but I really think it captures where I am right now, so I thought I'd just discuss it a little bit.

Jesus' followers were no strangers to boating, many of them being fishermen and the commerce of the day pretty much floated rather than drove along their highways. I'm sure that these men had experienced strong winds and storms on the water before, but yet they knew that the danger was very real, and were 'afraid' or cautious as a result.

Then Jesus comes walking along the water like a spirit.. and these men, very attuned to things spiritual due to their walk with Christ were 'afraid'.. as I'm sure any of us might be to see a man walking along the water. Much like our circumstances as BS's the waters of our life are turbulent, and we cling tightly to the side of our vessel to avoid being thrown out. Then we see Jesus coming across the water, and for many of us to truly experience the comfort that comes with obedience to the Lord it can be a scary thing to surrender our fears and embrace His guidance in faith as sometimes he takes us around the mountain rather than the way we'd like to go.

But just like Jesus' followers, once we hear Jesus' voice and calm our fears.. and allow Him to come into our boat, trusting and having faith that He will still the waters and bring us safely through.. we will find our shore immediately.

Such a powerful scripture.. something that has been sitting with me, so I thought I'd share with others who may be interested.

Ok folks.. keep me and DS in your prayers today, as we have our final meeting with our evaluator this evening.

She's coming to observe me with DS for the first time, so I'm going to try to have a normal nite with him just having the fly on the wall so to speak.

Here's to hoping all works out well .. I'm just looking forward to getting to see him this evening.

I still say the state guidelines suck.. works out this year that in the span of 5 weeks I only get my weekday 'visit' and one weekend due to Easter and now spring break... frustrating, but just solidifies the need for this to work out so DS gets to come home.

Hey James

Catching up with my MB buds. I hope everything went well today.

((((Jamesus and DS))))

Smartie

Heya Smartie.. thanks for checking in.

Things with DS and the evaluator went as well as can be expected I think. The only comment that she made that really stands out to me was that DS was much more relaxed and talkative tonight with her than with me.

She also isn't going to be meeting with WW again.. apparently she saw all she needed to see with her in two visits. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.


Ok... now HERE is the news/update..

I just got done with a 20 minute phone conversation with WW.

Wonderboy is moving out of their apartment this weekend.

Now she tells me that they have reevaluated things and think it would be better for her to 'close one chapter of her life before starting another one' all in the name of not confusing the kids. She says they aren't broken up.. they're just taking a step back from things until the D is overwith.

I did take a lunge at the gerbil though.. and put out there that I still hadn't given up on her.. and though I was moving on with my life.. the only thing I haven't given up on is her and our family.

She says that she thinks it's too late.. and yeah I gave the old 'it's never too late to do the right thing'.. and got the 'well sometimes it is'...

Still.. I can't help but think there's more to it than just him moving out.. I don't think she's done with him.. but I can't help but think this is going to cause some problems or is the beginning of the end for them.

But after the -very- brief R talk about me not giving up on her.. we talked a little about work, and she told me what was going on with DSD and her biological father.. almost as if we were friends again..

I'm a little uncertain how I feel about the conversation tonight, or what it may mean.. but I can't help but feel a little hopeful and relieved that Wonderboy isn't going to be a constant presence living in that apartment with her.

Any veteran advice about what to do at this 'turning point' is welcome.

Hey James

Sounds like encouraging news about the evaluator. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

In terms of WW and Wonderboy--I'm no vet but I think it's positive that he's moving out. If you look at my new thraead you'll see that WH and OW seem to be getting in deeper--rumor has it from my attorney that there may be wedding bells for the affair partners before long.

Unreal...

Anyway, you're doing well. Keep hanging in there!

Smartie

Yeah.. I just got done reading the new thread..

(((((Smartie)))))

I've been expecting similar news.. so tonight was quite a shock.

She's saying that it isn't a breakup and that they are still together, but why would she talk to me about these things.. or JUST NOW start being concerned about sending mixed signals to the kids?

I dunno.. I could chase my tail all nite about this.. but I can't help but think this is a step for her back towards the M.. she's got a long way to come though.. but I thought it was prudent to let her know that I hadn't given up on her.

A mistake? Perhaps... but honest nonetheless.

Suspicious about WW's motives for moving OM out. Is it to put her in better position to get custody, more child support? I smell a rat. Something's rotten in Denmark. It stinks on ice.
Who dropped an [censored] bomb? Phew!

You know... I had this thought.

But if 'looking better' is her motive.. she's screwed the proverbial pooch on that one by waiting until AFTER the evaluation visits are over to do this.

The timing is way off for a 'saving face' maneuver...

I really don't know what to make of it.. it confuses me, and I really dislike being confused... and with it coming along with her opening up to me more these days.. I really have to wonder what's going on in that wayward head of hers.

Going to be hard not to add to the 'hope bank' with this news I suppose.

Going to continue doing what I'm doing though.. because IF it is a positive step back.. changing course now that I've found something that seems to be working would be a little daft I think.

Your doing so well.

Patience. Lots of it.

I'm glad you think so. I think in terms of my personal recovery at least I'm doing well.

I am a little concerned about this becoming a bump in that road and a personal setback if I start clinging to this for hope of restoration.

She's still sounding pretty certain that it's too late to save our family, and like I said before.. she assured me that they weren't breaking up, just taking a step back 'for the kids'...

I'm not sure how I can see this as anything but a positive thing, at least where the kids are concerned that either A) there's problems in their relationship and this is a step out the door for either her or him. Or B) she's actually starting to think about what's best for the kids here.

Either way it's positive news.

If it does lead to the end of their relationship I think her opening up to me now will hopefully put me in a good position to rebuild a relationship with her.

Regardless.. I'm continuing to plug away day by day, keeping my head together at work, and staying busy in the evenings with either the kids or with friends.

Still.. the whole 'why' set of questions is circling my head all last night and today.. what sort of impact will moving him out have on the A? What REALLY is the reason for him moving out?

At this point what IS as far as I know is that they are still 'together'.. just won't be living together, and that's the reality I have to operate in. She's still WW, but I must say that the last couple of interactions I've seen glimmers of W in there.. even if she's still fogged out.

Hi Jamesus -

Maybe she was concerned about what the custody evaluator thought. Don't evaluators make recommendations?

What would happen if the evaluator recommended your son live with you because of her current situation, and then she says 'but judge, Wonderboy and I no longer live together'.

Just a thought. Stay steady, you are doing SO well.

I think something may have come up with the evaluator, some comment or something, where the evaluator wasn't pleased with something about WB (did I just use the word "something" three times in a sentence?)

The comment about him being relaxed with the evaluator more than with you was kind of a weird thing to say. I wonder what she meant by that or if she really meant anything at all? I know in those situations sometimes a casual remark can be given more weight than it's worth. Yanno?

Anyway, definitely GREAT news, especially for DS... getting THAT influence away from him 24/7 when he's with mom. I agree with the other poster, your WS is posturing, after realizing too late what a doofus mistake it was to have WB living-in during the evaluation. I bet as soon as the smoke clears, he'll be right back. But I also see a small window of opportunity here while WB is relegated back to mommy for you to do some more Plan A stuff. Couldn't hurt, especially with a custody case looming.

((James and DS and DD))

Jamesus, could you explain the comment princessmeggy is referring to, about who DS is more talkative with, I don't understand it completely either and it seems as if you might have typed something wrong.

While news of the A having setbacks is encouraging, and no matter what happens its great that WB won't be living with your son, I wouldn't hang too much hope on the news. Just keep your ears open. Hopefully the evaluator made a positive recommendation for you, I don't see how she could not have done so.

Thanks Sushi.. PM.. Moral of the story is basically not to trust it and keep my eyes open and not let my guard down?

If that's the lesson I'm all over it.. I don't trust it.. and I guess that's part of what's got me wondering about the whys and hows right now even though I know I'll probably NEVER know the complete truth. I've got to get to where I'm OK with that.





Well.. PM may be right.. it could be nothing, however I'm one of those people who will watch a movie and if they spend any more than a few seconds -focused- on something or an object is prominently displayed on a table or something.. I attribute importance to it.. and often I'm right. Same kind of thing applies in real life.. if someone mentions something more than once I figure it must be important.

I'll elaborate though..

One of the first things DS did when the evaluator came last night was take her up to show her his room. Now she'd already seen it but played along.. and DS started showing off his toys and such.. while she was standing there the evaluator looked at me and marveled at how talkative and open he was here.. and how he hid and didn't talk much to her when she was at WW's apartment the last two times.

Then as I was making dinner DS sat at the table and basically just chatted with her in his (to me) usual charasmatic fashon, and again she made the comment 'I can't get over how talkative he is tonight..'...

And then there was one other mention of how open he was being with her at my house later on..


So when an evaluator.. who doesn't really give many indications one way or another how she's leaning mentions something like that 3 times.. I figure to -her- at least.. it's significant.

To me.. it just says that DS feels at home, and safe when he's with me.

I hope the evaluator got the same read.

Thanks for the clarification... I totally misread what you were saying. I THOUGHT you were saying that she commented that DS was much more open with HER as opposed to being open to YOU. The way you explained it now is excellent and I think you're right. If she made a point to mention it more than once, it apparently made a serious impression on her.

Of COURSE DS is more relaxed in your home. He doesn't have to share you with WB like he has to share his mom. He probably DOES feel more safe at your house. Her home has been chaos for the last few months... it had to be, with all those people living in the same house.

I can't wait to hear her recommendation. I'm betting on you (and that's not just because I've gotten to know you). I'm basing that on my own Family Law and personal experiences.