Thanks SC. I deeply appreciate the prayers. Been a rough weekend. GD is with me now. I went and picked her up yesterday morning. I'm hoping DD will pick her up this afternoon. DD sounded so out of it yesterday I couldn't leave GD there. I could choke that SOB for handling things this way!

SC why do you think you're ST is so bad now? What's going on, anything? Or just frustration? (((HUGS TO YOU)))

I can at least a little bit understand about how your DD SOB ex-fiance handled things. My ODD had 2 BFs that broke up with her and both of them told her that they never really loved her even though they had told her they did. It really done a number on her self esteem for sure. She has a really great BF now who i like a lot. But at least with hers it was just BF no marriage or kids or living together or anything like that to worry about on top of all the hurt.

Just know that you all are still in my thoughts and prayers and hopefully she can pull herself up a little bit, i do not have any suggestions on how to do that but i can pray for her.


I think that unfortunately infidelity kind of turns your brain's thinking around and makes you question everything that you never questioned before .

So what i think is happening is this. My family all love the outdoors and when it gets warm out we spend a lot of time outside and always have really. During the time when we had the family member living with us my H and him would spend a lot of time out in the garage (which my H turned into a man cave). I would not spend time out there with him becasue i did not like to be around the family member (my H was aware that i did not want to be around this family member). This made us grow apart some and in turn help allow the A to happen.

So now here we are it is nice outside and of course my H is spending more time outside and in his man cave, but the daggone man cave is a "trigger" for me. Not only because of my feelings for his time spent out there with the family member but it is also where he actually admitted the A to me. I also sometimes feels like he goes out there to escape from us and that bothers me. I have asked him and he always just says he wants to be outside. I try to be out there with him but my ST just usually wins out when it comes to the garage.

(((SC)))

How about trying to make some new memories in his man cave?

Get some music going and dance with him.
Work together on a project out there.
Do something totally silly there.

My H built me a pergola last year. Something I had been (according to him) nagging about. Unfortunately in 1 of his emails to that scank was she could visit here after he finished it. I HATED that damn pergola then. I didn't go out there last summer at all. Thought about taking a chain saw to it. I even told him that. Then it hit me....SHE will NOT win, that is mine something I wanted and I'm making it mine.

So hard as it is try to make YOUR memories out there in his man cave!

***Update on DD. She sounded much better last night. She did want me to keep GD again told her I couldn't. She wasn't happy about it but did ok. I think she might be starting to move to the mad stage ( I hope). I told her she deserves better then she got, start acting like it. Told her get up every morning I say I'm worth treating decently and with respect. I hope she does.
Thanks for the prayers!

I am so glad you DD is feeling better that is WONDERFUL news. I know we parents always worry about our children darn it.

Thanks for the advice mvg i will give it a try. I just am feeling very hypocritical lately. My H is really trying to make ammends for his A but i keep putting up walls. I am really not sure that i want our M anymore. I really do not know for sure what my problem is, something i have to work out for myself i guess.

I proabably will not be around too much but will keep checking in on you and seeing how you are doing. Take Care

SC

How come?

Have you considered that YOU have a right to be MAD/HURT/UNSURE? Unfortunately for you recovery got put on hold and you didn't get to deal with the betrayal feelings. Have YOU considered counseling to deal with what you need to deal with? I'm keeping you in my prayers that you find the peace of mind you deserve. (((SC)))

More than anything i feel like a hypocrite. At this moment and for quite a while now i have just been feeling like i CAN NOT get over my H's A. I just feel i can not get over the betrayal. I know that our M had some issues but i just do not feel that it was bad enough where he needed to have his EN met elsewhere. Probably more of my EN than his were not being met at the time of his A. I just think i may be one of those BS who just can not get over it. I wish i could but i feel like i can not.

So for now since i am not much into marriage building i think it is best if i stay away from here.

I understand how you can feel that way. I don't think you are a hypocrite, I think you're tired,and frustrated with unresolved issues about his A.

I wish you the best and hope you find peace in whatever you do. Please consider counseling for YOU.


If there is anything I can do to help you please let me know. (((SC))) my thoughts and prayers are with you!

My DD is starting to sound better! Still very confused about her situation but at least she's sleeping now. Please keep her in your prayers. Thanks!

Will do, mvg.

The fact that she is sleeping at all is a miracle. I don't think I slept for a couple of months, at least, not more than 2 hours.

I wonder, how is this whole thing affecting your FWH?

Thanks SL we need all the prayers we can get.

As to effecting my H...hummmm I think he sees AGAIN how easy it is to HURT someone you supposedly love. He's very quiet about most of it, but his eyes tell a different story.

I hope you and little guy are doing well.

My situation is much more settled, getting into Spring, gardening, and getting up/getting out. DS is with Dad for his weekly overnight tonight, so I mowed the lawn and cut back some weeds growing around the house. Planted some creeping Phlox around my small japanese maple tree. It's funny, I typed OUR japanese maple tree, first, then I had to go back and type MY. Weird, we don't have an OUR anymore. OUR Home, or OUR car, or OUR mailbox. Weird. Little things that I notice. Sad, but mostly just weird.

It's like I had an arm amputated, but I can still FEEL it there; a phantom arm--a phantom marriage.

DS lost his very first tooth tonight, at his dad's house. Apparently, he swallowed it!!!! I got a text message telling me as much. I wished the t-fairy luck in retrieving that one. It's funny....

....trouble is, I missed it....

POOP.

Oh, well, he's got more teeth to fall out, I suppose, but it's the firsts that really stick with you in memory. If the next one falls out with me, I'll just have to mark that as the first I was there for. Meh.

So, all around, good day, just a little melancholy moment here or there.

I can imagine it is very hard to replace the 'our'. (((SL))) Glad to hear that YOU are settling in.

Sorry you missed the big tooth swallowing! Like you say tho, more teeth will be lost soon...hopefully without the swallowing part!

Maybe in the grand scheme of things PWC will soon realize just how many firsts HE will miss!

Gardening is a GREAT diversion...relaxing, wonderous,and physical. I was a Master Gardener until shiat started. My yard bears the mark of neglect. BUT H and I recovered the greenhouse this year, have veggies in there now just waiting for planting. I was hoping the weekend would be rain free so I could get a start on weeding, but doesn't look like that will happen. Oh well, another day soon.

Wishing you a wonderful day!

mvg so glad your DD is feeling better, is she still getting a little better every day?

My H and i like to work on our landscaping (what little we have) as well (even though he is waaaaay better at it than i am another one of those not girlie things yunno ). It is more just being outside i think than anything.

Just go for doing your gardening stuff mvg just like you told me with the "man cave" i think we have to try to get back to life as usual just not MARRIAGE as usual that needs to be MUCH better than before.

SL so sorry you missed the first tooth loss but as you and mvg both said there will be lots of other firsts. And you can make this one special when he gets home too. It is pretty funny that he swallowed it though .

I would really find it hard to not think the OUR thing too. I am sure time will make that easier. I too think that YOU are sounding pretty good though. You just keep up the good work and enjoying your DS, they grow up before you know it.

SC, DD has ok days and bad days just like BS's. She is making progress, slowly but progress for right now. Hopefully her life will be steady for at least awhile ya know? It's way to easy to fall back into total dispare.

Gardening, girlie??? LOL LOL LOL Yeah looking like a very dirty bag lady!

I got interested at as a teem with a plant my mom gave me. It wasn't until about 10 years ago I was approached to take the Master Gardener course. VERY informative and a good social outlet as you have to volunteer hours back to maintain your MG status.

It's just a wonderous event to plant seeds, watch them sprout then grow into a beautiful plant. Sorta like life.

And for what it's worth, I don't think you did IT bassackwards...I think you were dealt a difficult situation and did the best you could given the circumstances. However in that YOU didn't go thru the normal process and that's left alot of unanswered questions. I thought your post was GREAT! Have you considered giving your H a copy of it? Maybe he could understand better where you are coming from. It's like the Joseph's letter, have you read that?

Take care!

Well hopefully your DD can keep on the upswing!!!

I know that i have said before that i come from a big family that was kind of two families for my mom. I am the baby of the family and my oldest sibling is a sister and she is 20 years older than me (actually my mom and my two older sisters were all three pregnant at the same time and their babies were born before me so i was born an aunt).

Well both of my sisters are good at gardening, and sewing, and crafts all kinds of stuff. I told them that they took all of it and didn't leave any for me .

I do not know if i will show my H my exact post or not, i have at least told him the same things i posted though. And yes i have read Joseph's letter, i had my H read it and that is what got him to answer my questions about the A, he wanted to just bury everything, especially since his love bank was so full he did not see any purpose for hashing out the A itself.

Hashing it out is for YOU to heal, to put it behind you. It's apparent YOU really need that.

I do wonder tho with the time that's past and his illness if he will remember what you need to know. I have that right don't I, there are things you want to know? Sometimes my brain doesn't recall properly.

Happy TGIF!

We did eventually hash most of it out. It took a long time for me to get him to answer my questions and then on some of the hard things he said he didn't remember. Partially maybe, because of time that had passed, the illness, and during the A he was drinking very heavily so he was drunk every time they were together but i am sure he remembered more than he really wanted to share.

Ahhh ok I. I was confused, I thought you hadn't been able to get your questions answered.


When I was interrogating my H after dday he said he didn't remember alot either, actually denied alot too. Unfortunate for him he was privite messaging her with the messaging sitting right there for me to investigate. And I did to a certain degree. After determining it was infact an EA I had to stop looking.

It's so true that sometimes knowing to much is knowing to much. The visuals were/are horrible. I say all that to say this...I think the 'rush' got him, he truly didn't remember ALL the details because he was so caught up in the thrill, and that's a VERY difficult place for ME. I can look back now and 'see' that had nothing to do with me.

Unfortunately it still feels like it did. Maybe that's just human, I dunno. As you know I still have hard days/weeks with it just as you do. Call me stubborn but I WILL NOT allow THAT to rule my life...most days.

I just hope everything thats posted here about 2 year recovery is true. I think it might be because the visuals aren't as prevelant as they were a few months ago. And my H is trying very hard. He slips at times, so do I but we get back on track when we communicate.

I hope we find peace in what haunts you & me each day. (((SC)))

My goodness mvg I am feeling this post!!!!!

I hope it's a good feeling and not that ST.