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Originally Posted by QueeniesNewLife
Can I have a second to vent please. It just makes me so frustrated that here we are 11 months today is D-day and my kids have not spent two nights away from me the whole time.

Please tell me one day he will wake up and at least be sorry he abandoned us.

Queenie,

All I can say is ditto!


[list] BS-Me 42
WH 41
D-Day 8/2/07 (right before our anniversary)
Married almost 20 years
Plan A 8/07-9/21
Recovery-false 9/21/07-2/8/08
NC broken 12/07-2/8/07
implemented Plan B 2/8/08
Plan D 5/12/08
DS 11 DS 8 with special needs[list]
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Do you have any family they could spend time with? Or friends that you trust them with? I'd almost be in the same boat, but there are friends that they go with occasionally. Not all three at once. Usually middle child is the one that stays at a friends house.

I thought about the kids not being with dad much... but you know... I DO NOT WANT them anywhere near pondscum!!! So if they can't spend the night away from me, so be it. Dad's loss!!


I second and third the taking away of electronics. That's when cell phones come in handy, the kids love them. If they become disrespectful or refuse chores etc... I confiscate them. I hate having to hold something over their head. I wish they'd do what they are supposed to do and not need to be threatened... but they're teens!! -can't send them back now!




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Honestly, I wouldn't want my kids to be around his warped mind, but on days like this when all I get is attitude and anger because YS got busted for not doing something and I don't have their father to talk it through with, I want to just scream, cry and run away.

Top it all off, I just found out senior night for lacrosse is coming up and I am NOT inviting WW to it, but how sad for my son that his dad won't be there.

I really wish I drank and used sometimes. I would love to just fade away one night. smile



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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They actually are acting older than their dad.

No, I have no family whatsoever for them to go to. And not really any friends. My older son stays over his friends house, but not very often. He is the one doing really well.

The younger one, the one who communicates with his dad through email. He is the one who wants his dad to come home the most, he is the one that is having the hardest time.

He is at home putting together a plan of action on how he will get his grades back up. Unfortunately we are in the state testing period and I don't know what he can do, but he and I are problem solving that through.

If I thought bringing his dad into this would help, but it really wouldn't and honestly, I'm in Plan B. I need to somehow figure this out without him and just document this for the lawyer and my sanity.



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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LISTEN TO TST!!


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I am.....

I'm shaking my head because right now I just want to cry, drink, use and fade into oblivion.

Am I really strong enough to work through this, and have FAITH that my M can recover one day? Or am I just STUPID and should just stop and give up?



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5,871
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Queenie, you ARE working thru the things that are your responsibility, your kids, your home, YOUR LIFE. Remember, WH isn't even a blip on your radar. He doesn't exist.

It sounds like acceptance isn't coming so easily for you today, or yesterday or tomorrow, for that matter. I read your replies on Not2's thread. Honey, I feel for you, we all do. You are suffering thru a very stressful period with your kid.
I know you didn't ASK to be in this sitch, but sista, it is what it is.

STep back. It's times like this that call for deep breathing exercises and a positive mantra.

IMO, having faith that you will be shown the way, whatever way that is, is a more sound belief. Maybe the path to marital recovery is not such a straight line.

YOU ARE NOT STUPID!

YOu are also not invincible; you are human, so let yourself be. Don't fall prey to some belief that some substance outside yourself can free you from all of this; it will just compound your problems (sound familiar?). Go ahead and cry, drink some WATER, and fade into BED.



Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Queenie:

What are you TALKING ABOUT???

MIND CONTROL...

DO NOT LET YOUR EMOTIONS RULE!!!


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You ought to see how MY HEAD is SHAKING as I read what you are saying!!

Last edited by mimi_here; 04/14/08 08:26 PM.

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HI SL,

Quote
Maybe the path to marital recovery is not such a straight line.
And with Passover this weekend, I should remember the Jews journey to the promise land. smile

Why do I keep fighting? Why can't I be like others and just give it up? Why do I still feel this belief to keep fighting and having FAITH in G-d and trust him completely? Even when it looks just absolutely lost.

Quote
Go ahead and cry, drink some WATER, and fade into BED.
The last thing I want to do is go to sleep. I just toss and turn, wake up in two hours and cry and lay awake for the rest of the night.

I was toying with getting dressed, walking down to the tanning place, getting under some light and walking home. Maybe exercise will shake this off.

I'm trying so hard to just accept, and I do for the most part, because I really know ALL the destruction my actions caused this M. I just have this nagging feeling not to give up, no matter what. G-d will tell me time, and hopefully I will be listening.



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Who are you talking about?

Who are these people that are giving up?

Are they on this website?

You are WHINING, Queenie...


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Originally Posted by mimi_here
You ought to see how MY HEAD is SHAKING as I read what you are saying!!

I know Mimi, my head is hurting from me shaking this crappy, not just stinkin thinkin out. I'm sorry. I'm trying so hard to be strong, FAITHFUL and trusting. I'm just disheartened today with it being 11 months and the grades with my son.

Why do I feel things so deeply. Why can't I be less feeling inside and not give a rip one way or another. Why did G-d bless me with this heart and soul that loves this man who doesn't exist anymore.



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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Quote
You are WHINING, Queenie...
Actually I am sobbing. And not very GODDESS like at all. wink


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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You are letting your son bring you down.

You want to CONTROL.

You only have CONTROL over YOURSELF and you can CONTROL your MIND...



I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Actually I'm not supportive of you crying right now.

STOP IT!!


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Originally Posted by mimi_here
Actually I'm not supportive of you crying right now.

STOP IT!!

OK, I am not crying anymore. I'm too tired. I am getting up in a few minutes, putting on my tennis shoes, walking down in the RAIN to the tanning place and soaking up some heat.

I'll listen to my ipod, blaring hard rock and stop feeling sorry for myself and just be grateful for what I have and know this stinkin stuff will pass.

Better?


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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EXACTLY!!

CRY WHEN YOU WANT TO..not 'cause of your son's irresponsibility...


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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God blessed you with the heart and soul to love the husband Queenie, not the wayward. Unfortunate side effect is the pain you feel when it's fractured by the ones you love.

You are having a bad day. Shake it off. Get thee back on track. Negativity will drag you down.

Remember, PARENT FIRST, Friend SECOND. Your son's failure is HIS, as well as dealing with all the consequences. You are building a man of character here, and there are no shortcuts. Listen to me, I've got a 5goingon6 year old and am already working on mantras for being a single parent.

Last edited by silentlucidity; 04/14/08 08:44 PM.

Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I'm not crying because of just my son. I'm crying because I held myself together at work all day long and didn't mention to anyone that it was 11 months today and just more stuff to feel sorry for myself. That's all.

My son... well as sad as it would be if he was held back, that's really up to him, not me. I can put consequences, take things away but in the end, it's his life and his choice. If I have learned anything it's that I can't control what other people do. I can feel sad or unhappy about it, but that's all I can do.

When I read that Not is so close to a possible recovery and she is tired, I wanted to reach out and hand her my strength and fight so she can have her recovery and I am just feeling more sorry for myself by being jealous.



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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YOU are not NOT..LOL..that's hard to say..

YOU are YOU, Ms. Queenie...

And NOT is NOT in RECOVERY..

That's LOTS of NOTS..LOL..


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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