I think you are just making me feel better.

Seriously, do you think I should modify anything that I might have missed?

SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY, I think you are FABULOUS and WONDERFUL!

What's the matter with making you feel better, antyways????

NOT ONE THING....

In fact, I have worked very HARD this month to do NOTHING....

HARDEST thing I EVER did.. NOTHING...



I should really be resting up for when WH is broken and comes home. That's when I really will need my strength, but then again. I will just go to G-d for guidance EVERY step of the way.

Do you know how many people think I am stupid and nuts to be working so hard on my M.

Stop worrying about what other people think...

I guess 21. LOL (I know bad attempt at humour)

As you know I got lucky and didn't need to experience Plan B, but if it had come to that you would be my inspiration as you were when I was doing my Plan A. You are a model of resilience and strength Queenie.

How about I work on that for this month. Learning to stand on what I believe and be ok with that and look to G-d only. Well and on here.

Actually this might not be a bad idea. Since I am in this quiet phase of recovery so to speak, what do people do with themselves but learn about themselves and keep improving those areas that they always wanted to.

So, one of the things that has always gotten me into trouble is my non ability to be assertive and letting others cloud my thinking or my "truth'.

So, any ideas on how to learn to become more assertive or learn what that would mean to me?

Queenie,


Well, look at it this way, it's really none of their business. I think nearly 100% of people really believe they would kick their spouse to the curb if they cheated ... until they do, and then, well we BS know, it isn't as easy as we assumed it would be to just throw away a life with someone we love, whether or not they deserve our love.

FWIW, whether or not your WH ever wakes up and comes home to recover your marriage, you will feel better for everything you have done to make it possible for him to do that.

You aren't going to lose anything more by waiting, but you might just gain a recovered marriage. Only time will tell.

Who

Hi Who,



You are so right. What I will also gain is my self-respect and love for myself in the process. G-d has been working on me and continues to do so. I know I am not completed yet, there is still much work to be done on the inside. I just need a little guidance on where to work next.

I will never doubt why this happened. I'm just grateful that G-d had enough FAITH in me to know I would seek him out through this and completely depend on him to walk me through it. There is no doubt I am a much better person and someone who is special and becoming more a G-d like woman everyday. There is no doubt the hard lessons I have learned and were mine to learn.

I just have to keep on keepin on and let G-d do what he wants to do.

Thanks Exodus. I'm trying to get to respond to what you emailed me. Today's journey in the storm. I am able to be open and honest with myself that I am walking through this for the Glory of G-d. I was a angry, unhappy, selfish, dying woman inside. I have no doubt that I loved my H with all my heart and soul, I just got lost. This is happening because it's my time to struggle and be the glory that G-d can claim even though I haven't gotten what I wanted. But G-d is getting what he needs and wants. A woman who loves Him with all her heart, a woman who is working very hard to be a G-dlike woman in everything she does in life, and a woman who is grateful that she can see she is being used for the greater good. Now I might not like it and I might let my sadness get in the way, but I understand that I have a role right now for G-d and when the storm is done, I will be recovered into a whole woman and that will be all the glory G-d really needs.

I still hope my M is part of the deal though.

Wait... I still don't like it, but that's just my journey...

Queenie you are truely an inspiration!!Your WH is losing a real gem and we can only pity him.Isn't it wonderful how God brings all the right people into our life when we need them.He really walks alongside us 24/7 we only need to be AWARE of Him and He will be our Comforter and Healer.

Stay strong

While I believe that I have always been this person deep down inside, I got lost for many years. I am not the person that my WH walked out on. I am becoming more and more the free spirited, loving person I was all those years ago. I would love to blame him, but the reality is, he didn't make me change I just evolved.

Am I sorry, YES. But maybe that was always the journey. Regardless, pitying my H isn't the answer. Praying that he finds G-d is. He is an addict who is out there active in his addiction and it's scary because he is self-destructive by nature. He is blaming me for sure. And I have a huge part to own, but this is bigger than me. There is too much destruction happening in his life.

Pity, him no. Let's pray for him to find his way back home where he belongs.

Ok,

I need reinforcements. I need to pay my phone bill, which I do online. I haven't been online in almost 3 weeks.

Someone tell me to not look at his log. I'm an addict, remember.

It would only hurt and it's none of my concern, right?

Tell yourself to STAY OUT OF THE DARKNESS..keep moving INTO THE LIGHT...

There is NOTHING GOOD there...

Do something POSITIVELY REINFORCING for yourself when you get the urge..some SPECIAL TREAT...

I like to play COMPUTER GAMES..but watch out that could become AN ADDICTION as well..

Ok....

My daughter just got added to our account. She just said something that I don't know how to handle..

What if my WH did get his phone from work, and gave his phone to OW to use and save money? Does it matter or not?

Thanks.... special treat. Well I got my nails done last night. I could go exercising walk over to tanning place after work?

Queenie,

"Doctor! Doctor! It hurts when I do this..."


And the doctor replies...


"Don't do this!"

You don't have to look, Queenie.

You get to choose how to live your life and whether or not WH is allowed to retain control over your happiness.

If it hurts when you do something and you know it will hurt if you do it, why even consider it?

You know he is with Crack Ho. Why even bother to find out what he is doing?

Take a walk. Get your hair done. Take one of the kids out for dinner or for a piece of pie after dinner. Rent a movie. Read a book.

Study the Torah!

Read the Psalms!

Mark

What do you have a radar that goes off when I think something really "out there".

I am so appreciative of your honesty.

Ok, I am almost off work, will go take a walk, pay by bill some other way and let it go and not see the dark.

I get to choose. Wow, I didn't look at it that way. I'm not I'm ok with that to be honest. Then I have to act responsibly and healthy.

Yes, you ARE an addict. Addicted to mind games. QUIT!

You are in Plan B. Your mind shouldn't even be going there.

Wow, I never looked at it that way. It's all I have ever known. Truly.

First my parents and then H. Wow. That's pretty sick isn't it.

Hi TMTS,

Ok, sadly I don't get this. Where did you get the number at?

TST,

I have really thought alot of what you said. And the scary part is that if all I have ever known is mind games. And it's what I am most comfortable with, what a long road to health I have because I don't even recognize it when I am involved, getting myself involved until it's too late.

Hey Rin, would this be my Alanon stuff? Or just asking G-d at every turn, every situation until I become MUCH more AWARE of when I am partipating in it.

I'm just working out loud through this. I guess you could call mind games another word for manipulation which is one of my character defects and the way to work with this is pray to G-d everyday to humbly ask him to remove my character defects and replace it with qualities that are worthy of G-d and much healthier.

I have worked very hard on my AA program and have to work even harder on my recovery. There is no room in my life for this kind of behavior because the pattern begins again and that's not a G-d life at all. And that's not what I am working so hard for.

Hey, Chag Sameach everyone or Happy Pesach or Passover. It starts tonight and unfortunately I won't be having a seder like I have for many years. Today is my DD 22nd birthday as well. So, this is pretty much the last of the firsts for me. Except the year anniversary of D-day which is coming up. I didn't think I was going to live through this, and quite honestly didn't want to. But here I am, working hard each day to please G-d and work through becoming that healthy person.

So much left to still do, but hey at least it will keep me busy. I get to take the boys over to Vashon Island for games tonight. This will be the first time ever we have gone on a ferry together. This will be my only 2nd one. Woo hoo.

Too bad they are calling for snow. Ah, weather in the PNW, 80 degrees last Saturday, snow today.

Hi Queenie,

Just checking up on you. Your first month in Plan B is a success I would say. You have done a great job.

I hope that you have a wonderful weekend with the kids. Stay safe.