Hi Queenie,

Just thought I would drop by and say...HI!

I am now up to page 115 of your thread and do intend to 'catch up'.... but am jumping on the wagon based on CL's note....


My thoughts on Plan B is that it is in fact a 'damage control' plan....stopping WS from doing further harm to BS, among other things.... for which they can be NOTORIOUS given their state of mind!

...but just like breastfeeding a baby is good.... they forget to mention the downside....sleep deprivation!

...and so it is with Plan B! ....BS has to FIRST struggle with 'withdrawal' from WS... and trying NOT to think of WS: what he is thinking...doing...will do...ETC ETC!

...but if you have 'managed' to do it for one month... then...just keep doing what you are doing!

(((((((((((((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))))))))))

How about that snow, huh!!!???

Watched my son play soccer this am and within the span of 15 min it snowed, hailed, rained then the sun came out!

...guess there are parallels to life in general, eh?

Hi Chai,

I'm going to give you a call in a few so we can catch up on the phone. I miss talking to you and I am just laying in bed playing a stupid game that's wasting time instead of being the GODDESS that I am and cleaning my apt.

L2F, No kidding that weather was something yesterday. It snowed for most of the day here over in Maple Valley, but on Vashon it did the same thing as you. The cool part was that the weather held for the 2nd game where there was no cover. The first game I scored so I had cover. Both boys won their games, the YS had a not very good game, but the OS did. YS got more penalities. Not sure why, but I am leaving that up to the coaches.

Gosh it was so cold, wasn't it? You are correct, such parallels to life.

Hi Luna, I'm grateful that you are reading my thread. I welcome any insights and pearl words of wisdom or simply comments that keep me focused on my goal of recovery. I really respect all that you have learned and been through and are walking through today, so thank you.

Withdrawals from WS. I had enough of those during Plan A to be able to recognize I would be going through them. What I didn't realize in how many ways I thought of him. And it's been a monumental task to not think of him at all. How does one do that, other than praying to G-d. I prayed to him that the obsession would be removed. I wouldn't say it has happened, but it's certainly not what it was. So, now I will tweak and just ask to get WH off of my mind.

There is a part of me that's afraid to do this because how will G-d rememember that I want my marriage if I stop thinking about him or praying for him?

Yesterday was the last of the big firsts. I need to just put this out there because it hurts. WH hadn't called DD to wish her a happy birthday and she is sad and hurt. There isn't anything I can do, I realize that. But my kids and the loss of their dad just flippin hurts to watch and see.

It's been so hard to accept that my kids are just another statistic. It pains me to my core because that's not what I wanted for them and stupid me still thinks that had I done things differently we wouldn't be going through this and my children wouldn't be hurting. But G-d doesn't have grandchildren and so I can just pray and ask G-d to help me be of service to him where my kids are concerned. If there is one thing I have learned it's not to take their journey away from them.

I will keep on doing what I am doing. Which is almost nothing and keep asking for help in doing more of nothing. To a control freak, that's pretty hard isn't it.

Well, another first out of the way, unexpectedly. My YS asked me this morning if we were going to the seder at temple. Of course we weren't b/c it didn't occur to me to ask someone else other than myself. His friend was going to be there, so I called up and made reservations.

I was looking total GODDESS in my green dress, JT. I was uncomfortable to say the least. They really want me to just be over this and divorce him. They can't believe that I would for any reason let G-d have him and hold the space for my M. It just floors me. But that's there deal and thank goodness I have here to come to and know that what's happening isn't crazy. It's "normal" if you will.

On the way home, YS blurted out, dad is whipped. It caught me so off gaurd, I asked again. He said dad is whipped by that woman, and of course I had to ask. He said that whenever he's been with him, the phone rings its her and he immediately says he has to go.

TST, I'm really looking at what you said to me the other day about being a mind game addict. So, I am just putting that info here and dropping it.

None of my business. Just praying to G-d to remove the desire to think about it.

Happy Pesach to whoever it applies to. I'm glad I went to the seder if for no other reasons, than it's part of my heritag and it keeps it alive for my children. And that's important to me.

Hey Queenie,

seems like you're holdin' it down. That's great, keep your head up to the sky.

Remember your FAITH walk, you have faith in the restoration of your M, keep thinking that, b/c without FAITH it is impossible to please God.

Anything is possible at anytime. God may just be putting a comma...

Hey My,

Nice to see you. How are you doing?

or two or three.

Thanks My, needed that tonight. Spending time with my friends, while I miss them so much, brings me way down because there is no faith in them whatsoever and I feel so alone on this walk at times.

Keep my head up. Yes, up I am and pleasing G-d is what I am all about these days. I still have my FAITH. I still love the man inside this monster who once existed and I BELIEVE that G-d will heal this situation one day in his time. I just need a little jolt of endurance and tenacity once in a while.

{{{{{{{{My}}}}}}}} Take care and thank you for the thoughts...

Hi Queenie!!
Just wanted to say HI!!!


Not yet!!! aren't you in plan B??? Have you given up?? You are talking like if you have lost hope....

We are in a very difficult situation, even though we are in the opposite position (you the BS, me the FWW). People sometimes do not understand why we do the things we do, and why we're willing to endure everything just to recover our M.
Queenie
What I am trying to tell you is during this time the most important thing God has taught me is that even when men say it's impossible, even when they tell us that our sitch is impossible, even when they say there is no hope for us...He has told me over and over and over this: "For nothing is impossible for God" Luke 1
When I begin to really accept this truth, I really believed it....and you know what?....as a child of God...I refuse to accept that my M and my kids were just an statistic....I do not accept that, rather I begin to believe and pray the scriptures over my M and my family. Am I making sense??
When you think it's hopeless, think about this verse.... I hope this helps a little.

Angie.

Queenie;

When you begin thinking about that just think about this;

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phillipians 4:8

Decide to think about noble and lovely things instead......Don't worry you will be able to do this!!!

Hugs

Angie

Hi Angie,

I am in plan B, I haven't given up and I haven't lost HOPE.

I get down and maybe that's one thing I need to stop as well, is the doubt. Hmmm... I can't give up. I can let go- let G-d have him, but I am holding the space for my M.

Thanks for the scripture. I like this one.

This journey is one where G-d will be glorified in the end. For that I have NO DOUBT. I know what I want, I pray for it, but I also have got to let G-d completely have the outcome so he can work his miracles and blessings.

People don't understand... But I do and where there influence can get me down, really down. In the end, I bounce back with my FAITH and HOPE and willingness to serve G-d and continue on the path of recovery for my M. In his time, not mine.

Queenie you have such strong will power..the first month is so hard and you've been a star!!

I find what helps me is music..my son D-J's so there is always music in my home playing!!!I load my mp3 player with my favourite songs,plug in my earphones and I'm happy!!....in my car,in the mall,in the bath!!!It takes my mind off WH.
Keep your chin up you're doing great!!!

Thanks Hope.

I did a silly thing last night at the seder. My friend who helped me in the beginning and is the one who keeps in contact with WH was there last night.

He was talking to my son about WH and I found myself wanting to listen. It was hard, but I had to push that out and not go ask him anything. I was uncomfortable around him, and realized he may care about me, but he isn't for doing what's right. And I don't need people in my life who don't support my walk right now.

How are you doing?

Hi Queenie,


...I know what you mean, Queenie.... trust yourself to make the right decision IF S, not WS, reappears....

This FEAR will keep WS in your thoughts.... and hold you back, when you could be making better use of that energy....

If you need to hear it, Queenie....bottom line.... THINKING about WS will NOT do the trick (in case you thought it did!)....at best, you are WASTING good energy.... please consider 'letting go' of this belief.... and redirecting the energy where it will be more PRODUCTIVE and HEALTHIER....

...it's on record that putting energy in thinking about WS vs like, getting your toilet bowl sparkling clean.... you could at least say.... you have a clean toilet bowl!

...see what I mean?

If you are anything like me...thinking about WS\S is a 'reflex' and it can't be 'undone' overnight.... then I suggest start by 'reducing' the length of time....say...thoughts of WS come to mind.... give it 10 seconds... and FORCE yourself....to THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!

...plan B is also intended to help you out with this... the less you KNOW what WS is doing the easier it will be NOT to think about what he is doing (avoid solliciting info. about WS from kids and those that are in contact with WS and talking about him...I know...easier said than done!)

...Queenie, it's a process.... don't be too hard on yourself...

...and more importantly, you really need to TAKE CARE of yourself....because, as you can tell, affairs are a tough gig to overcome!

I do. And my apartment would love to benefit from it.

It is a reflex. And becoming aware of it is happening more and more. I really try to shake my head and ask G-d to remove the urge or redirect me to HIS thought for me.

This BY FAR is the HARDEST thing in all of this. Either I haven't come to a point where I care about myself yet or I just simply still don't believe I am worth it. But I am working on it and continue to act as if.

I was certainly damaged material and have lots to work through. I really should be glad that sick monster is away from me while G-d has the time and space to continue his work in me. I would imagine that's his plan.

What makes you THINK that you don't care about yourself?

It's NOT an OPTION to NOT CARE!!

YOU MUST CARE ABOUT YOURSELF..it's NON-NEGOTIABLE..

Who else is going to care about you more than you care about yourself?

Well, I never thought of myself as some worthwhile who deserved to take care of myself. I was just a person, ugly and fat and should just be grateful for what I had.

I accepted what my H gave me and thought it was just fine. I didn't realize how destructive I was being to myself.

I'm learning though and working on this.

This was IN THE PAST!!

Let that PAST thought process GO!!

Let's FORGET how you USED to THINK...IN THE PAST!!

TODAY...YOU ARE A NEW WOMAN!!

This is what I posted to you on Luna's thread..I thought I was posting on your thread...

Yep, the Queenie GODDESS. Someone that I am becoming learning to be proud and respectful of.

Hear me roar.... and be so grateful to G-d.

Ok, will get the book and read it.

I AM SPECIAL.

It's "I AM SPECIAL!"..must include exclamation point so that you are YELLING...

DO as many BEHAVIORS as possible each day to make you BELIEVE that you are SPECIAL..whatever that is...

Like today, I'm going to stop by STARBUCKS and treat myself to a coffee...'cause that's what I LIKE...

Sometime, this week, I'm gonna buy some NEW CANDLES...in the fragrances that I LOVE...my H likes the FLORAL smells..I go for the FRUITY..

See what I mean?

I TELL MYSELF that I am SPECIAL and then I DO BEHAVIORS to PROVE IT...

It's a CONSTANT MIND GAME..that's all that WE can CONTROL..our OWN MINDS..and when you learn to do this, you feel sooooo much PERSONAL POWER...