I'm in Maryland. Did you say your were from upstate New York? It will take some doing, but I'll try. It would be great to meet you!

gosh, we lived in maryland when i was a baby!

we are currently shooting for the weekend of august 23rd.

my email is: mhugginsboyea@yahoo.com

i could give you more details if you would like.

trying to get medc to go too....hehe

destination would be albany, NY

mlhb

SL,

Fly bye Hi.

I see you are as strong as ever and recovering well.

All the best!!

Thanks for hoppin by, Frog. It is wonderful to hear about your recovery. So Hoppy for you. (Get it, hoppy/happy, eh,eh?)

Oh, wait, you're a prince now!

So, SL, how was the birthday party?

Mornin' Guy!

The party was GRRRRRREAT!!! DS was jumpin and hoppin and sweatin all over their moonbounces. That place was cool. I was tempted to get on and hop, but I'm not supposed to, due to the neck. It was an incredible JOY watching the kids, though. I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face.

The cake turned out great. I used fondant to cover the cake and created a scene from the first Indiana Jones movie; the Boulder booby trap. It was a lot of fun. Problem was, the kids have never eaten that kind of cake, and with the fondant not being like 'regular icing' (the buttercream lay beneath it) some rejected it , while others cleaned their plates lickety split. I tried to get them to either peel it off or flip the cake over to reveal the cake within, but it was too much for them.

The adults LOVED it. It was a southern buttermilk cake--yummy. Basically tastes like red-velvet without the red.

DS seemed really joyful. In the end, the kids all had a rip roarin fun time. As I was packing up the goodies that he got from his friends, DS asked me if I was going with he and his dad to see his grandpa. When I said "no", you could see his heart sink juuuuust ever so slightly. My heart broke a little. He stayed with his dad this long weekend, and will be returning this afternoon. I miss him. It wasn't fun missing his birthday or the entire weekend following it, however, as long as DS felt good, then I'm good.

{{{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}}}

the cake sounds awesome. Did you make the Fondant or but it? Was it easy to work with?

What are you doing for yourself today?

I made the fondant. It's called MMfondant, for Marshmallow. It tastes a bit better than the regular stuff, and it's easy to work with. The initial blending of the melted marshmallow to the confectioner's sugar is MESSY, but fun, and not BUT is added at this point. Then it's like working with dough. You knead it until it's smooth and then either roll it out and use it right away or store it in the fridge until ready for use.

Working with it is like playing with Play-Doh.

DS had a lego Indiana Jones that I used on the cake, and some small snakes. I shaped a cave and a boulder out of cake and covered them, too.

Today, hmmm, for myself, well, listening to music for now, and then meeting my dad for late breakfast, and then some grocery shopping, and then cleaning and then a cookout with my Dad and DS. I'm working on opening to pool. It's really cloudy right now, but I'm going to get some more shock and get-er-done.

Yesterday, I sat around ALL DAY LONG. After baking and molding Friday evening after work, and the party Saturday, and yardwork and pool cleaning and laundry, I figured I could take the day off.

Can I get the recipe for it? I am thinking of maybe trying it for my son's graduation party, that's if I can get WH to give me the money.

He didn't deposit again and my A hasn't been returning my calls.

Are both of your parents alive?

It's really inexpensive to do, Queenie. I'm talkin' mere dollars here, and some sweat.

Here's the link for the fondant recipe. This site has a lot of information and can be helpful in all aspects, including decorating the cake.

MMFondant

My mother died in Feb '99, from breast cancer. My 'real' dad has never been around, but died when I was around 20, I think. My step dad is still around, retired and hangin in there. He's 57.

Oh, and the cake I used was a 'red velvet' without the red food coloring. red velvet cake

It's not expensive to make these cakes, just time consuming. I enjoyed it, though.

Gotta run! Going to have breakfast with dad, and get on with my day. If you have any questions, post them and I'll get back.

Thanks SL,

Have a great day....

quote from Recovery forum by Weaver (JosieJones)


THIS is where I've been for some time now; almost years, I'd say.

First Dday was horrendous. I found out about the EA that was ongoing, and practically begged PWC to stop it. He SAID he would, and I went on with him for about two months. I couldn't take his treatment anymore, and asked him to leave. He just kept telling me that I was no FUN, like little daggers into my broken heart. HE left and the A went physical. Then he came home after she dumped him.

I feel like I asked for it. I asked for the butt whoopin of a lifetime. PWC SAW, very openly, how much pain I had, how much he was hurting me, and still he chose to have A after A. I kept letting him back in. I certainly did not DESERVE that type of treatment, but I asked for it by allowing him back in, over and over again. The fallback girl.

Now I set about the heavy task of forgiving myself and fixing whatever system I have in place that would continually expose me to such heinous treatment. I'm at the precepice of self-loathing and I do NOT want to fall in. I feel like such a fool for allowing this marriage, or lack thereof, to go on for as long as it has. It's time for me to stop BLAMING myself and to stop trying to figure it all out. IMO, this will never make sense.

SL glad to see you post something on your thread. I worry about you even though i see you around here on other threads.

It sounds like DSs BDay party went well. The cake sounded awesome. I have never been creative enough to try anything other than a regular cake and writing on it with the little tubes of frosting LOL!!

My SIL does that type of stuff with her kids all the time. She has had some REALLY cute cakes for different events.

I understand Josie's post too. I do get mad at myself sometimes because i have let my H do so many things that i really do not like for so long that now it is like i am killing him to ask him to change some of his behaviours.

Oh well, no matter how much we sometimes may not want it to, life does go on.

I sure hope that you are finding things getting easier anyway.

Have a great day!!!

I felt it was time to type that out. I had been feeling it, off and on for the past two years, much more acutely since I asked him to leave.

Case in point, I sit and ponder my response to him saying "I can't do THIS anymore." Should I have then said, "Okay, let's change what we're doing, since THIS is not working. Let's figure out what THIS is, so that we can change it for the better." Nope, I said, "okay, then I think it's time you left". I made no query as to what "THIS" was comprised of.

Anyway, like I said, self-loathing. I keep looking at myself thinking it was ME that screwed everything up. I mean, really? I was the one talking to Jennifer; she was giving me ideas, and I was attempting them, sometimes poorly. *I* was the one with all the information (even though he could have been sitting right next to me during those phone counsels)--(ROLLEY EYE HERE!). I was reading and writing and taking 2x4s and implementing whatever I could grasp at to help.

In one breath, I will be blaming myself, and in the next I will be separating what is mine and what is his to own. Maybe I really didn't love HIM, nor myself, enough to expect more. I do NOW, but that doesn't save my marriage. If I had higher expectations entering recovery, perhaps we would not be in this place, and we, individually while together, would be living up to our marital potential...

...or, our flaws would bring us right back to where we are now.

Don't know, and need to stop thinking on it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I so hear your pain. The not understanding or blaming ourselves just sits and lies in wait inside to rear it's ugly head. How do you get through it, I have no clue. I just pray, write and give it to G-d.

I wish I could offer words of wisdom, there aren't any. It just plains hurts and sucks and we are the ones truly comprehending the destruction and sadness. One day it will be all healed up and we will be better for it, but the scar will always be there and we will have learned so much.

Though on these days, it doesn't matter does it.

{{{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}}}}}

The thing I have the hardest time with is my son. I wonder what he's feeling inside, and how this is affecting him. I feel guilty for tearing his life to shreds because mommy can't take daddy being MEAN (disrespectful, uncaring, disconnected, etc.) to her.

It's so unfair for him. I wanted to break this cycle of pain in my own childrens' lives, but it seems I have perpetuated it. What bothers me is that *I* chose this man. Should I now lay in the bed that I made by this choice (stay together for the kid)? I chose not to, but was it the wrong choice?

Before we ever married, he told me of his mother cheating on his father, and him being taken along with her so that she could say she was out doing things for him. He watched his parents stay together, and live not so harmoniously. His father then took care of his mother after she slowly succumbed to the ravages of ALS. His father then died from lung cancer. He told me it seemed like a waste.

His brother got married, had children, then jumped from affair to affair, and drugs. His birth mother was an alcoholic and died from cirrhosis and kidney failure.

Poor choice on my part? I was hoping he would use their ends to make better choices for himself. Hope was not a good thing to hang my hat on.

Nope. It's what you had to do.

Methinks sometimes you analyze too much Miss Scientist.

Methinks sometimes you analyze too much Miss Scientist.
yup, me too.

Most times, I know I made the right choice for ME. That's not what I wrestle with.

With time comes healing. Despite this bump in the ole road, I expect life will just keep movin, and I will wake to find much of what I'm expressing here to have passed.

I've always analyzed everything so. It's annoying in this case. It's helpful to my career, but not to my personal life. I find it hard to fully separate the two, I suppose.

I'll figure out that I don't have to figure it all out.

I agree with chris. And yes.....you may call me Pot.

Fox

Hey Pot and Kettle, I'm a systems analyst, so you can call me Mr Black!