My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for almost 2 months now. Before we got married we had separated for a week and i had been talkin to someone else, and i started having feelings for this other person and i cant seem to figure out how to let them go. It make me unhappy in my marriage and i would really like to be with the other guy but i dont want a divorce. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

can someone please give me some advice?

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you. Being married means forsaking all others. You can't have a husband and a guy on the side. It doesn't work that way.

You had an emotional affair (EA) with another man (OM) before you got married. Does your husband know how you feel about OM?

Your choices are:

1. Tell your husband about your EA. Come clean with all the details he wants and give him time to heal, assuming he wants to stay married to you. Write a letter of no contact (NC) to the OM, and never ever have voice, email, text, IM, or any other contact with him ever again. Read the material on this site, keep posting and get the support you need.

2. Divorce your husband and take up with OM.

And if you are staying married, get "His Needs Her Needs", read it, and apply it.

My husband knows and he wants to try counseling to see if it will help. But the thing is is that i am falling in love with the OM and out of love with my husband.

The advice you seek has already been given. If number 1 is your option, then cut off contact with the other man and enter counseling with your husband.

If number two is your choice, then keep going on the path you are right now.

Saying that you are falling in love with the OM and out of love with your husband doesn't change your options. You wouldn't be falling in love with OM if you weren't investing energy into your relationship with him, and you wouldn't likely be falling out of love with your husband if you were focused on him and your marriage rather than the OM.

Exactly. Not to sound rude, but you're sounding a little selfish right now. As in, 'Is this all I get?' selfish.

If your H is willing to go to counseling to keep you, you should thank your stars, and do it.

You're not 'falling out of love' with your husband. You're lusting for another man to give you a temporary ego boost. Is your marriage worth it?

Married two months.

In a weeks time with another man --sometime prior to marrying a man you knew three years-- you become emotionally attached to him. Attached to the extent you 'want to be with him'.

Advice:

You are far to immature to have gotten married. I have no idea why you married but it certainly wasn't for the right reasons.

Married just two months. Hopefully not pregnant. Wanting to be with another man. Here's what you do. You muster up the courage to sit down with the man you married and you tell him you have made a terrible mistake. You admit you don't want to be married and before anymore of his life is invested in you, you want to have the marriage annulled. This is the right thing to do and you need to do it. You are not ready to be married to anyone. So don't ruin another persons life by postponing what must be done. I am very serious about this.

Have the marriage annulled. Do the right thing now. Now. As soon as possible.

I didnt get married because of pegnancy, we already have a daughter together but she is not in this problem at all. We thought about getting it anulled but i thought that you only have a month to do so?

I don't know what the statute of limitations is for annulment in your jusisdiction but it would be a simple matter to find out. A phone call to an attorney specializing in family law should be able to provide that information. You should look into this without delay.

Please do the right thing and terminate the marriage before it becomes any more entangled.

It sounds like you're going to have to sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself. It doesn't sound like these feelings for the other person are going to fizzle out so I'd say you need to resolve what you're feeling before making any final decisions. Before I'd talk with my husband, because you sound confused, I'd go and speak with a counselor and talk it out.

DLK, if you want to stay married and be happy in your marriage, then your first step has to be to END ALL CONTACT with the OM. Make it a point to never see or talk to him again. Your feelings for him will go away.

In the meantime, I would work hard on falling back in love with your H. It will not be easy, though, because y'all shacked up. Shacking up sets the foundation for a RENTERS approach to marriage, which is why these marriages have such a high divorce rate. But, you can change this if you work very hard.

I would suggest reading His Needs, Her Needs, and pay special attention to Dr Harley's articles about living together. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html

DLK7,

If you've read the information on this website, all the articles, like The Basic Concepts, then you already know you can fall in love with your husband, the father of your child, over and over again.

What would be the very best scenario you could imagine? Would it be to be head over heels in love with your husband, the man you vowed to yourself to be true to, the father of your child?

If so, please go to counseling...do everything possible to make your marriage work so you can have an intact family.

Why would you think of annulling the marriage? Wouldn't that make your child continue to be illegitimate? That's not a condemnation...I had two children out of wedlock before I married...and they carry the scars for it. You have the opportunity to example commitment, honor and love to your kid...you married. If you divorce, you will still have this man in your life as the father of your child forever. That's the dad. You're the mom. You guys made choices.

Go to counseling, study and learn how to have a great marriage, and have no contact with your adultery partner for life. Do it for yourself, your child and your marriage...even if you don't "feel" like doing it for your spouse.

You're better than you know you are...you can do this. You can be proud of yourself...and learn that people are not replaceable. What your OM will do with you, he'll do to you, as well. Do you really believe your child is safer when you add more men to his/her life? Does that make the child believe he/she can be replaced, too?

LA