Hello Miss GODDESS Queenie....

Hope that since you are not here at this hour that means sleep has found you....lol....

Glad to see you are doing so well. It has to be nice beign off the roller-coaster.

Thanks for keeping tabs on me....it's been a long journey for me....

Anyway, I will check in with you tomorrow....sleep well my friend...

not2fun

Hi Not,

Well the roller-coaster is in full swing today. Lucky me.

I'm shaking my head. It's my 21st AA birthday today I all I want to do is drink and use.

No, wasn't sleeping last night. Was running kids around and then needed to go to my second job and got home late. Stayed up and cried myself to sleep.

How are you doing?

So how come this BIG SWITCH from yesterday? YOU CAN CONTROL THIS THINKING, QUEENIE!!

I'm working on it. I'm praying......

So what are you DOING except PRAYING????

Trying to NOT GET FIRED by delving into work.

Taking aspirin for my headache from shaking my head so hard.

If shaking your head doesn't work, beat your head on your desk!!

Hi Queenie, I thought you would be used to my warpped sense of humour by now.... LOL

I just picked a number out of the air, you asked how many I guessed 21.

I know, it's bad humour, but then again, it doesn't take much to amuse me.

Here's and example of my sickness... I laughed my head off when I read this. I don't think Mimi's intention was to be funny but to get a point across.

Actually, I had BOTH POINTS!!

Actually I didn't take it as being funny or a joke. I understood her point completely.

I am so in a process of learning about myself. What has become a little more obvious to me is my NEED for chaos, drama or the need to keep denying that I am a good person.

I notice that when WH left, the chaos in our life stopped. But I seem to be trying to put chaos/drama into my life again and I need to STOP THIS BEHAVIOR. My old patterns are way more comfortable, but they aren't good for me or who I want to be.

I'm trying to find strategies of noticing when the pattern starts to rear it's ugly head and thereby giving me the chance of stopping it before it begins.

By far, one of the most destructive pattern or character defect is the need to either manipulate, control or be a marytr. I am doing so much better in the dept of control and manipulating, but this martyr stuff is rearing it's ugly head by my up and down moods.

I'm willing to try anything and go to any lengths, so maybe taking responsibity for this or putting it out here will enable me to have to change and stop this destructive behavior.

Any ideas on strategies? If I don't learn different behaviors or learn to recognize this pattern stopping, then I will revert back to old ways if/when H were to come home and that's not a life I want to go back to.

I hope Dr. Seuss isn't in the house on this one.

And how funny it's my 21st birthday today. AA that is.

You picked a good number at least.

I must have been slow that day.

CONGRATS..

Well keep coming back, One day at a time, Works if you work it, Let go and let God, Easy does it (but do it), and all those other bumper sticker slogans....

Have a good day!

I think you're SCARED to HAVE FUN and to BE HAPPY..it's the ACOA...WE are uncomfortable with that..We learned to ALWAYS BE ON GUARD, waiting for the next shoe to drop..thinking WHAT DO I NEED TO FIX/CONTROL NOW?..in order to KEEP something BAD from HAPPENING...

BE SILLY/HAVE FUN/BEAT YOUR HEAD ON THE DESK and THEN, LAUGH AT YOURSELF...

Hey TST,

How funny that you would show up just as I was looking at my drama crud...

Otherwise known as mind game addiction maybe?

Got a WET NOODLE?

What is a WET NOODLE, Queenie? What do you mean?

I recommend COLORING BOOKS and BLOWING BUBBLES, though...

DANCING to music that you like...

BUBBLEGUM..that's a GOOD ONE..

LOL,

You crack me up.

You wanted me to keep hitting my head, I would prefer it to be a wet noodle so it isn't as hard and doesn't do lasting damage.

A little more BRAIN DAMAGE won't hurt ya...