Ok, complete darkness it is. As visible as I can be, so can I be unseen and around and completely invisible. As much as it may seem like a game, this is no game to me and I am fighting for my M.

I'm doing whatever I have to do and when you tell me to do something I am on it.

It doesn't seem like a GAME. It is a WAR!!

You are so RIGHT.


YES IT IS.... And I am STRATEGIZING AND FIGHTING AS HARD AS I CAN. I won't let my ego, my fright, my best thinking get in the way of WINNING this for G-d and giving him all the GLORY.

I love my H, hate this WW, but am fighting for my FAMILY.

((((Queenie))))

YEA....mimi gave you an A ....I got a flogging....lol

I'm glad you got some rest last night sweetie....I was thinking of you.....and your AWESOME GODDESS SELF....

not2fun

Hey NOT, I have had my own flogging and promised myself that I wouldn't go there again. Not because I couldn't take it, but because I was hampering my recovery and didn't want my ownself to be the cause of my M not recovering.

She knows what she is talking about.

{{{{{{{{{NOT}}}}}}}}}}}}

Let's hope the both of us get good night's sleep.

Hey Mimi,

I'm really going to miss you. I somehow feel safer knowing you are around watching my back. I hope you have the most magical trip. Where in Europe are you going?

I will be PRAYING for you. I've got your back. The main thing for YOU to do is to STAY POSITIVE and to STAY DARK..NO MATTER WHAT..EASY..

"TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART..IN ALL THY WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS"..PROVERBS...

Somewhere near Spain..

Mimi, I LOVE Spain! Has Spring arrived there yet?

Queenie, I looked over towards the "mainland" and don't see a single cloud in the sky...unless you're way far back in the valley it's just got to be nice there too...

Hope you have a great day!

L2F

EASY... As long as G-d stays as my protector and guides me every step of the way.

Mark or anyone else, what is the difference between FAITH and TRUST?

L2F,

This is a day as if G-d painted it himself. It's magnificent and I will be enjoying it later on. THIS IS WHY we live her and put up with all the rain and gray. For days like this when we can look around and see the most awesome creations and know that it was G-d and it was good.

My hope is that you have a spectacular day as well. I have an extra ferry ticket to Vashon, because it's so pretty I am thinking of just hopping over and taking pictures of this.

Learning: Highs in the 70s where I'm going...

Queenie:

I think YOU and SL are PERFECT for each other...

And can CARRY ON THE TORCH in my absence or when I leave here..IF EVER...

I don't leave for MY VACATION until Thursday morning..

But I'm OFF ON A SHOPPING SPREE today..in a bit..

Luv ya, Queenie...

There is NO WAY I could ever carry the torch for you. I have so much to learn still.

Please don't EVER say you are LEAVING HERE. I still NEED you. PLEASE.....

And what are we shopping for?

I want my M recovered more than anything but it would be a lie to say I am healed and the old patterns wouldn't creep up. If I am to please G-d and be ready for his timing then I have work stil left to do on me and I just am willing to ask everyone and anyone who is willing to help.

Hopefully she says yes.

Queenie, Baby! (I love saying that)

I'm here, lurketty lurking. Have been for a while now. I am always drawn to the Bee's (Plan Ber's). It a vital time for personal recovery, to break your enmeshment, to prepare for marital recovery or whatever else comes your way. I will always be a work in progress, but have gathered many tools here, on MB. It's been a literal God send for me.

You are doing a fantastic job of stayig dark. IMO, being out of sight is the best, but your example the other day works well for situations that you KNOW your WH will be attending, and you refuse to stay away.

Out of sight can mean out of mind, but I've found that the bond of husband and wife is so strong, it takes a great deal of time for OUT OF MIND to truly happen. I'm sure PWC thinks of me, as I him. It's natural. Before my last false recovery, I thought of who he once was all the time. Now, I see him as he presently is. It's just different, but I'm okay, and will be better every day that passes.

I've learned a great deal about control, and boundaries. I enforced the ultimate one, by not remaining in a loveless marriage. It has been difficult, and I'm now onto Plan D (which includes modified Plan B--no intermediary).

Anyway, I'm prattling again. I'll be around later; probalby watching a movie or two. I've got my own shopping to do. DS needs new spring wear (he was a size 6 last spring, now he's an 8!). Also, my brother's birthday is tomorrow, so I wanna get him something,too. Maybe something for me, too.

Have a good one!

HI SL!!!

Gotcha. I could try and argue with myself that there is NO WAY I would have missed this because of my son, but the truth is I got something out of it. And that's something that I need to work on. I still find myself having the need to prove to WH that I am a decent choice. I couldn't have missed his senior night because we interact and present each with stuff and he wouldn't have allowed WH to do it, but honestly, I could have been probably way more hidden than I was. So will keep to the darkside of hidden...

Breaking my emeshment is essential for me right now. Not just because of me, but for any future relationships. Rin is helping me with my Alanon stuff and I think I am starting to work the steps there, although I need to finish my AA steps.

My old pattern is to move from this to that, to find the happines. I know where my happiness comes from, but in daily life I get caught up in "drama". G-d wants that stopped.

When you have time, will you start sharing your tools? I need to learn a great deal about control and boundaries myself. I did enforce a boundary with Plan B I think, but I did it because everyone told me to on here and I knew that G-d was speaking through them.

So as Passover ends tonight, the journey to personal recovery heats up. Talk to you later. Have a great day...

Queenie,

Faith and trust are interlinked.

Trusting has to do with feeling that you can rely on someone or something. It has to do with believing that there is some value that can be yours because you believe it to be true. It relates to reliability. We trust what we believe to be reliable. That is, we trust that it will be there and of value to us when we need it.

Faith, as it applies to God OTOH is really more about trusting in Him actively. It is easy to say that we believe what He promises and trust in him to be faithful to us, but faith in Him means more than just believing His promises. It also means acting as if we believed them to be true.

If we really trust God, we should act in certain ways. If we believe what He says, we should act on what He tells us to do and by so doing affirm that we are in agreement with what we claim as to trusting in Him.

At the most basic levels, trust and faith are nearly the same in meaning. When we trust another person, we act as if we trust them. When they show themselves to not be trustworthy, we react hurt and surprised because we placed our faith in them to do what we believed to be true and right by us. By breaking that trust, our own values and judgments are brought into question. (How could we have been so stupid?)

Because we know from experience that few, if any, people ever fully live up to the level of trust we put in them, we are reluctant to fully trust God. It is our own breaking of trust that can give us the most trouble in some regards. For we know that we can and have broken the trust others have placed in us. We have shown ourselves to be untrustworthy.

So when we look to God and try to trust Him fully, it becomes more difficult because our point of reference is really our own failure rather than His faithfulness. This is where we must act first in order to be strengthened in our faith. When we act as if we believe His promises and He comes through, it further builds our faith in Him and makes it easier to trust Him in other ways as well.

But if we hold back the action, if we do not act as if we trust Him, then He cannot come through for us and our faith becomes stagnant. If we trust Him, then we must act like we do and that means that we obey Him. So faith becomes the act of obedience based on trusting God when He says that He wants what is best for us even when we think we want or need something else.

So when it comes to God, faith is both trusting in Him and obeying His commands. Because while we often want what seems good or even better than what we have, He wants what is BEST for us and by letting Him give us what He wants for us, we get Best instead of just GOOD or even Better.

But we only get what He wants for us by obeying Him. For obedience is how we show that we trust Him. HE shows us that we can trust Him by giving us the BEST when we obey Him and so proves to us by His actions that we should trust Him more fully.

This does not mean that we will not have troubles in our lives, for His goal is to make us fully trust Him for everything. To do His will for us even when we don't feel like it or when we don't understand what is is He is wanting for us, simply because we believe that what He wants is BEST for us is how we can show that we have faith in Him.

People must earn our trust for us to completely trust them. For God, what He has already done shows us that He can be trusted and by acting as if we do trust Him, He honors our trust by showing us new ways we can trust His promises.

When we have everything we want, it is hard to trust Him because we feel as if we have no needs beyond the desires of our hearts. But when things do not go the way we want them to and we have needs, we also have a hard time trusting Him because we don't fully believe that His ways are BEST.

So faith is acting as if we trust Him no matter what our circumstances. It is doing what He says to do because we know it to be true. And we know it is true because He has already shown us that He is trustworthy.

Did I make that any cloudier than it already was?

Mark

Perfect sense.

How will I know I am being obedient enough for Him?

Well WH is up to no good again. He didn't make the deposit into the bank. I want to first put it out there so that I can get it out of my head.

Who knows why, I really have the urge to surmise this through, but I am going to just leave it at WW mind set. ICKY human....

It's killing me though.

What about giving him until Monday night to see if he comes through and if not, calling the A on Tuesday?

Can the intermediary send a friendly reminder? That's what I do when things don't happen on time.

If not, then your suggestion to wait a couple of days is good.

DRAMATIC expression...

No, it's not...

I don't know if the intermediary could or couldn't. The last time he did this, he just put the money in the bank and called the A and lied. Imagine that.

Good Woman for calling me on this. I actually had the same thought and need to start changing that. Thank you for catching this.

I have an off the topic question - I was just reading this on reverse babble by Orchid.

How does this happen if you are not talking and supposed to be dark?

Good question there......

((((Queenie)))))

you are doing fine....I will miss you while I am gone and just wanted to post you real quick and let you know....keep up your strength and faith....

Lots of love to ya....

Not2fun

It can't. Orchid has her own version of some things.