ok... gotcha thank you.

Not, where are you going?

WHY AREN'T YOU IN BED??????? (notice my Mimi caps????....lol)

to the Caribbean....anyway, thanks for the vote of confidence....I am still up as you can see....packing, cleaning, getting all the kids stuff in order....ughhhh...figure I'll sleep on the plane.....

not2fun

Hey NOT, I'm thinking about you.

Well WH didn't deposit his check in the bank. So I will call the lawyer.

I don't know if I have enough strength for fighting this anymore. Why does he have to push this? What is his reasoning?

Can't he just leave us alone, do his responsibility and have his happy life. I'm leaving him alone to be happy.

I'm building a life without him - that's what he wants. Why does he need to play games with me. He loves her. He wants her. Why can't he just leave me be?

Don't take it personally, although it would be hard not to. Has your attorney contacted his attorney to have WS be more dependable? Sounds like he may be having money problems. (GOOD!)

Tax refund checks are coming this week. I can hardly wait!

I don't think he has a lawyer yet. As for money problems, he has had that all along, that wouldn't be anything new.

What do you mean by don't take it personally?

Maybe he is thinking that the tax money is his paycheck portion?

I was going to hand the check over to the lawyer and let the courts decide how we get the money?

Oh, Queenie, you are such a good woman. Personally, I would put it in the bank for some cushion money, since hubby is so late with his portion all of the time.

By not taking it personally, I meant that it is NOT that he doesn't care about his family, his brains are just temporarily scrambled.

It's not that I am not that good a woman, I just am working hard to do what's right by G-d. The old me would have taken the money and spent it or manipulated it... etc. I don't get to do those things anymore for ME. Giving it to the lawyer is the right thing to do, whether I get screwed or not.

I have to TRUST G-d. It's just hard sometimes.

His brains could be FOREVER scrambled though too. And that's the scary and sad part.

They come back, almost always. I get so tired of writing that......... I never believed mine would, he was so completely COLD and GONE. But turned out he would have, if I'd just hung in there.

And he is just the same as when we married. It is UNCANNY!!!!!!!

Queenie,


I think what Believer is saying (and forgive me if I'm wrong) is to not take your WH's (frequent) late payments as being anything more than an indication of his previously displayed tendency towards financial irresponsibility.

...it's NOT about you...

ooops...cross-posted...

Fair enough Believer, I don't want to be the cause of carpo tunnel.

Thanks L2F.....

I'll work on not taking it personally as well and turning it over to G-d and asking him how to walk through this.

Believer, Are you sorry you gave up and didn't believe that they almost always come home?

What a loaded question! If I was sorry enough, I guess I would take him back. But I'm very much in love with my new guy. I wish I had waited longer. But come on, I waited 4 years, and we were divorced.

But he is just like he used to be, and I really miss the whole family thing. We raised 8 kids together, and the affair just ruined all of it. So many broken dreams...........

Hope you sleep well, I've been praying for you and hubby.

There is NO JUDGEMENT on my part.

And I am SO HAPPY that you are blessed with someone new.

And 4 years. You are amazing for waiting that long.

That's just what I don't know. But, it doesn't need to be decided today.

What needs to happen is for me to become more obedient to G-d and seek his will for me. TRUST HIM that it will be ok and walk in FAITH that my M will be restored one day.

As for the money, pray and look for HIS answers and act on those.

Most importantly. DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE STINKIN THINKIN...it is out to KILL ME...

I won't let Satan tear me down. G-d has worked to hard to build me up...

Night Believer... I pray for you and your mom. The offer still stands, ok?

(((((Queenie))))

Are you okay??

Are you still feeling shaky???

Hope you are not...

Praying for you and your hubby!!


A....

I am ok. Not nearly as shaky, in fact at peace. I gave it to G-d last night. Read Torah and prayed. I asked G-d to help me walk through this and do what he needed.

I called the A today. He made a funny comment about WH sounding sincere the last time they talked, but based on the evidence I had shown him he was giving him the run around. He said he wouldn't call him a liar. I said I would. But he said he wouldn't go there.

He will follow up on that this afternoon.

I would imagine that A's don't like to be lied to? Just a guess. And what WH might play his games with most people, but lawyers are pretty good at figuring it out or NOT?

You know how good intentions.....

Well I was going to come back to work last night after OS's game. Ah G-d had different plans. OS got hurt during the game and I got to spend 3 hours with him at the hospital.

He will be fine, can play through the pain. For the past week I noticed that he has been way more angry and agitated since D-day. I couldn't figure it out, then I realized that with Passover and no money I haven't gone grocery shopping to get him the food that he loves to keep his belly full and he reacts negatively to that.

Well still no money from WH, but payday was today for me so I can go get some food at least.

I'm struggling a bit today. I hvae been reading this book on mid-life crisis. I get all the addiction part, I get the mid-life crisis part. I am completely dark and staying out of it like G-d wants, I'm just sad over the situation. I took my vows seriously in sickness and health and even though WH is being a jerk, he isn't the man I married and that man would be mortified by what is happening to him.

I'm just putting it out there to hopefully get the sadness away from my heart.

Mimi, words of wisdom before you leave?

My goodness we walk such similar paths.

I too am dealing with the Wayward inability to manage money or honor promises/obligations.

Nope.. not taking it personally either. I don't think she's trying actively to hurt me.. she just doesn't.. well.. get it, or what it means to be an adult. She's always been taken care of.. I always took care of her and was there to catch when she dropped the ball.

It'll make you go mad if you think on it hard enough.. but God sees our sacrifice and our efforts at peacemaking, and I have to believe that He is proud of us, and that means EVERYTHING.

4 years huh Believer?.. I can't imagine the strength it took to hold on for so long... I might end up there one day, but I sincerely hope not. I'm glad though that you've found that peace in your life.. I imagine after 4 years it'd be so much harder to heal had you opened that door again.

Queenie.. keep your chin up. Up days and down days right? Just ride them when you get them and keep your eyes on the One who is always faithful and loves you more than you can imagine.

Peace with you my dear friend.. (((((Queenie)))))

{{{{{{{{{{{{{James}}}}}}}}}}}}}

YEP....

I'm keeping my eye on HIM and walking in FAITH...

I know enough today that these feelings will hurt bad, but they will subside and go away and I will feel strong again and able to keep going.

I didn't know that a year ago. And the D-day one year will be here before I know it. I'm just a little nostalgic. I have such a new appreciation for single parents, especially those with little kids. They are such heroes in my eyes who handle their children full time with no break. At least I can leave my boys alone, though it weighs on my heart always.

James, we have always walked such similar paths. How lucky for us that we have that in common and can hold each other up because we know each others pain and successes.

I still want that crystal ball though....

I miss you on here dude. I know you are taking care of yourself but I still miss you.

I'm really sorry I don't seem to be around more. I stop in every day and check up on your sitch and a few others.. keeping tabs as it were on some of the folks who have been with me from the jump here.

I am 'here' more or less.. but I just haven't been posting as much. I'll post when I figure I can help, or in cases like yours, Fox, SDGuy, Bugs etc I'll post encouragement and updates when I can.. but I just don't have the emotional energy to invest in being here all day like I was.. and I honestly think it causes me to think about the A way way way too much to just hang out here.

I'll continue being around.. and I'll make sure to post anything significant to my story.. it's a good journal that hopefully I'll look back on and learn from one day..