Hey all...

Nothing really new to report on my sitch, but wanted to touch base...

My DS had his 14th today and had a great time w/ an airsoft war (if you don't know, don't ask), a bonfire, then a sleepover w/ 7 of his closest friends and a rousing 8-player Halo 3 tournament...sorry I am missing it.

He sounds great on the phone...he's awesome.

I've been reading a great book by Michael Perry called "Truck". I'm up to chapter 11 and came across this...

"You'll be a lonely old man", people have told me. Or maybe, I say, I'll be delighted with my freedom. I've been through the standard convulutions of love--swept up, swept away, swept under. I have, at times, wept at the thought of separation. Other times I couldn't wait to get away. I have lain in the dark wondering how I will ever be happy again. But in time, I always [i]was happy again, each heartbreak reduced to layers of thin veneer, or, in the tougher instances, a carbonaceous little ball to be left alone in the depest recesses of the gut. The lesson seemed to be, take happiness as it comes, don't try to get it cornered or run it down from behind.[/i]

...short version...it'll all be alright...

L2F,

I just quickly read your entire thread…(Note the word “Quickly”)

And just to recap so that I’m crystal clear…

You’re a Naval Aviator...You and your Wife are separated… You’re currently deployed...on the?? (U.S.S. Never Dock?) She told you that she’s not seeing OM any more...But there’s no proof to that...and for all you know it’s just one big lie...(She could be on OM #2 for all you know)

Is that basic recap correct?

Wow, your son's b'day sounds EXACTLY like my SS's b'days.

Airsoft combat until dark, then a bonfire roast, followed by all night Halo combat with 4 XboX's and TVs linked up throughout the house.

No sleep to be had by anyone! I'd cook breakfast for everyone before they headed home.

Good times. I miss my SS.

Paging L2F.

Yes L2Fly how R U doing
Hope all is well

I hope he didn't get caught in a down draft.

SS

He may be in a remote area and not have acess to internet right now.

I know he was going on a deployment.

Paging Learning To Fly Where R you??????

Please give us an update how R U doing???

L2F, You're missing my Romeo-Echo-Tango-India-Romeo-Echo-Mike-Echo-November-Tango PARTY!!!!

Who

DID YOU SAY RETIREMENT PARTY?? I ASPIRE TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE SOON... LOL

I could retire next month but I'm not ready yet...

Hey Who...Happy Retirement!!!

Haven't checked my thread for awhile...been out to sea, then on leave here in the great PNW!

Well...I'm finally past the denial. It was like a switch that got flipped. I'm a pretty smart guy, but it's amazing how long it took me to finally get that when my WW said she didn't want to be married anymore, she meant that she didn't want to be married anymore...

I can't MAKE her stay married...

Plan A, B...they have a time limit for a reason.

It's been almost 3 years since the A began and 26 months since D-day...I've finally let myself off the hook. I really DID do everything I could. I realized that her not "coming around" is not my fault!

A calm has since come over me.

After getting home at the beginning of the month I quickly found browsing history on the computer that showed the POS OM was, once again, in my home checking his email, along with looking up things about pyramids and UFOs...this guy's a real gem.

I was PO'D. Told WW that she's free to see whoever the heck she wants, but that having him in MY home is non-negotiable. The home is supposed to be a safe haven for our kids...period. Even our touchy-feely non-MB MC told WW nearly 8 months ago when this last came up, "I don't care if OM is lying bleeding in the street...call 911. Under NO circumstances are you to have him in your house again." Pretty clear, I thought...

This was the final disrespect, and when confronted, she could only muster a weak "I really can't explain it, and it'll never happen again"

It was at this moment that it finally dawned on me just how it is one enforces boundaries...it's not by telling, demanding or restricting, it's removing yourself to a place where the other person has no access, and therefore can't cross your boundaries.

In this case, it's divorce.

Had a convo w/ WW the other day and basically said I was done, thank you very much, sorry for all I've done that made HER choice possible, and for all I've done to make things difficult since then. I said that all I've done (exposure, etc.) was meant to kill the affair and give our marriage a fighting chance, and that I hoped she understood that none of it was meant to be disrespectful or hurtful to her.

Man I felt like I was speaking from a different place in my heart. I was speaking MY TRUTH, without agenda or expectation...just saying what was.

I feel several inches taller...

L2Fly,

Thanks. Wow, I am really sorry to hear your news, but glad that you seem to be doing OK with it. Remember that you will always be able to hold your head high knowing that you did everything within your power to save your marriage.

The truth is that despite the best efforts, all marriages just can not be saved.

I suspect that someday, your WW will wake up and realize just what she has thrown away with both hands. It could take a long time and probably by then it won't matter to you. I know that is hard to imagine.

If you haven't done so, read a bit of Believers Story. Amazing.

Please take care of yourself and your kids and stay in tough.

Who

HEY BUDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good to see ya back. And glad to hear you grew a few inches taller! I wish you all the happiness in the world and just as Who said...you did the best you possibly could. Sometimes, we just can't save others...even the ones closest to us.

And I'm sorry the scum-bag OM is in your house. oooo--I have an idea! How about putting up a screen saver on your computer that tells him just what you think of him. Or getting a restraining order on him with your kids so that he cannot legally come into your home...they may be willing to tell the police some stuff that makes it possible. Has he done anything even remotely questionable in their presence? All sorts of things I'm thinking might just work! Your home is YOUR HOME and he shouldn't be allowed to defile it! GRRR!

But, I don't want to stir you up too much-it sounds as if you have found that peace that you have been searching for for a long time. I am so very proud of you for that! Keep your head up high and in case I haven't said it lately...

THANK YOU FOR SERVING OUR COUNTRY AND KEEPING US ALL SAFE!!

(ditto for you Amazin and RIF and all the rest!)

Take care!

Hey L2F-

Good to have you back in the PNW. You didn't bring the rain did you?

Glad to have ya back...

I figured you were at sea.

Hey L2F...

Any updates?

Hey L2F,

How about an update?

Hey there all, just doing a quick drive by...

On deployment and scheduled to be home this Summer. Filed a while ago and should be seeing final papers from lawyer here soon.

Kids fine, actually, better. It's truly spot on what they say about kids needing a conflict-free zone in which to thrive, and they are.

Moving on...at peace...happier than I can remember being since a teenager.

More later, but just wanted to say 'hi'...

LTF

Thank you for the fly-by.

LA