Hey Who...Happy Retirement!!!
Haven't checked my thread for awhile...been out to sea, then on leave here in the great PNW!
Well...I'm finally past the denial. It was like a switch that got flipped. I'm a pretty smart guy, but it's amazing how long it took me to finally get that when my WW said she didn't want to be married anymore, she meant that she didn't want to be married anymore...
I can't MAKE her stay married...
Plan A, B...they have a time limit for a reason.
It's been almost 3 years since the A began and 26 months since D-day...I've finally let myself off the hook. I really DID do everything I could. I realized that her not "coming around" is not my fault!
A calm has since come over me.
After getting home at the beginning of the month I quickly found browsing history on the computer that showed the POS OM was, once again, in my home checking his email, along with looking up things about pyramids and UFOs...this guy's a real gem.
I was PO'D. Told WW that she's free to see whoever the heck she wants, but that having him in MY home is non-negotiable. The home is supposed to be a safe haven for our kids...period. Even our touchy-feely non-MB MC told WW nearly 8 months ago when this last came up, "I don't care if OM is lying bleeding in the street...call 911. Under NO circumstances are you to have him in your house again." Pretty clear, I thought...
This was the final disrespect, and when confronted, she could only muster a weak "I really can't explain it, and it'll never happen again"
It was at this moment that it finally dawned on me just how it is one enforces boundaries...it's not by telling, demanding or restricting, it's removing yourself to a place where the other person has no access, and therefore can't cross your boundaries.
In this case, it's divorce.
Had a convo w/ WW the other day and basically said I was done, thank you very much, sorry for all I've done that made HER choice possible, and for all I've done to make things difficult since then. I said that all I've done (exposure, etc.) was meant to kill the affair and give our marriage a fighting chance, and that I hoped she understood that none of it was meant to be disrespectful or hurtful to her.
Man I felt like I was speaking from a different place in my heart. I was speaking MY TRUTH, without agenda or expectation...just saying what was.
I feel several inches taller...