How about a walking and talking Trigger and I am not speaking about a child of the A.





I have been posting on here or a while under another name and OW has my name and googled it and found these postings. She phoned very upset and asked me to print an apology for my rantings. Isn't this site for ranting and helping each other thru this crisis???

This would be truly laughable if it wasn't so tragic. She is sleeping with YOUR husband and thinks YOU owe her an apology? Go back to your old user name and post all you want. You owe her NOTHING! As a matter of fact, repost this as your old user name so she can see what others think. Maybe (and I know this is a stretch) she will see how ludicrous and self entitled her request was.

I also find it interesting that she is so obsessed with you she googled you. To me that means she sees you as a threat… as she should.

It doesn't help that part of this was an error on my part. I am definitely NOT computer savvy and I was messing with the Yahoo Messenger. I know my H was doing his funny business under that acct. and they'd gab back and forth with the IMs thru Messenger but it never worked on my acct.

Now mind you..I had her email addy on my Yahoo email list because I was going to email her if she continued contact with H. She'd been phoning him and I put the addy there. I know. Pretty stupid! Anyway, when I finally got the Messenger to work, it automatically sent all the yahoo email addresses on my contact list, a message to "be my friend". She wrote me and asked why I contacted her and I responded it was an error. That's when I got "googled" and another phone call.

I think that my rantings under the "Obsessed with the OW" thread freaked her out, but this is healing isn't it? When we talk thru issues and work thru them together.
BTW: I posted under WADEALLIE but I prefer this handle now.

I just spoke to H regarding this situation. I remarked that I didn't want to rock-the-boat and if she began phoning him to get him to "make" me quit posting..it would only cause more problems. He agreed that it would cause more problems but nothing we can't handle together.

I have told him he is welcome to come to this site and he is welcome to read anything I have written. He's just not interested. He understands tho that you folks have helped me more than our MC has done. I have the answers to WHY and HOW the A came to be and with this information I am able to heal. I am still allowed to rant & rave if that's what it takes to get by.

Back to the Subject..........

1) Films with hot and heavy sex scenes. "Atonement" was terrible this weekend and I couldn't finish it.

2) There's a commercial against drugs. It shows the parents explaining to their son that they are separating and it said, "If you can talk to your kids about this, why can't you speak to them about drugs?"

Suamico:

Remember my posting yesterday?

It goes on.....


I don't see why it's so hard for her to stop and she said I was obsessing with her???

OW emailed me yesterday with a christian website and a message that the site was helping her heal and she asked for forgiveness. I sent a response that maybe God can forgive her but I can not. Today I get the response:
"Funny thing is you can forgive your H but you can't forgive me and it's the same sin"

Triggers go on walking and emailing.......

HA,

Take control of your life and ELIMINATE this trigger. WHY is the OW ABLE to contact you?

There is one simple solution.....CHANGE YOUR EMAIL!

You and your husband should have in place protection that prevents OW from contacting either one of you, in as much as you are capable.

Change cell numbers, home numbers, emails. Cancel MySpace, FaceBook, if you can't make them private. Don't go where you chance running in to her. And so on.

There are enough triggers out of your control. This one sounds simple to fix.

Sweetie, I know it's hard but ignore her. Take her info off IM. If she e-mails you click the select box and then click junk. Then any e-mails from her will go to your junk folder. Heck, if you have her latest e-mail still click on that one and click on junk! Responding to her is only helping her and hurting you. She wants you to forgive her because it will make HER feel better, not because she is truely sorry.

Hearts_ache,

You may be a Christian woman. If so, I apologize for the following statement:

I'd tell the OW to go f_ck herself, and if she didn't cease any and all contact I'd blab about her 100 times more and 100 times worse, including lying about her. End of story.

She should be unable to contact you or your H. Your numbers all need to be changed, your e-mail should be changed and/or cancelled entirely.

If OM contacted me due to my posts on this site, I'd love it! I'd rip him a new orifice of epic proportions.

NO CONTACT means just that, NO CONTACT from YOU or YOUR SPOUSE!

Contact WILL cause recovery problems - It's not part of the MB way!

ELIMINATE ALL POSSIBLE WAYS OF ANY CONTACT! It's not that hard........

Hearts_ache,

You have no idea HOW tempted I am to go on to the "Obsessed with OW" thread and let that idiot OW HAVE IT!!!! I am guessing that she looks for you there now.

I'm a Christian so I guess I can't tell her to F*** herself either, but boy, oh boy do I ever want to!!!!

I hope she IS totally freaked out, that she can't sleep at night, that she is looking over her shoulder, that she cries herself to sleep at night because of her disgusting behavior and MOST OF ALL.....understands that God will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER answer HER prayers for your H to belong to her.

When I found out about my H's A, it was one of my GREATEST comforts knowing that no matter WHAT actually happened, that God would NEVER give his blessing to a union between the two of them. Gag!!!

How dare she! Change your numbers, e-mail, whatever you have to do to get rid of her. It was also a very pleasant experience for me the night we changed my H's cell phone # and she tried calling my # instead. I LOVED the picture I had in my mind of her shock and panic when she heard the message telling her that his # was not in service. Even now I can laugh evilly about it .

BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the TJ here. Back to Triggers. I have a zillion of them but will post another time.

All God's Blessings to You,
WH2LE

You all are GREAT!!
You've given me one of the best "jump starts" to this day!

The email acct. she is responding to, is not my primary one so I only check it about once every couple of weeks, so if she plans on having regular contact it's not gonna happen. That's the acct I use to give to stores, etc. when they ask for your email for promotional things. I have already bumped her addy to "junk" status. lol

I just can't believe the gall. I had to phone her back in Feb. when she continued to phone H at work after he'd already declared NC. She just didn't "get it"! At that time I scared her because I know so much about her and I would come out on top in the event of a confrontation. Then she pushes by googling me, and now asking for forgiveness. Funny thing is..it's her guilt that's eatting at her while she read that thread, because I have never mentioned her name, address, or anything.

As for H, she has not contacted him thru this, just me. I have been honest with H about her contacting me (don't want any secrets between us) and with the continued effort she's made...I don't think he is happy at all.
I will keep you posted on the progress here....and THANK YOU again for the support!

Just keep in mind one thing...
If OW continues to contact you and you then tell H about it and he gets really fed up, what going to happen? He may contact OW to tell her to go away. When my H reported unnecessary contact in non-work hours to her boss, she got reprimanded and told to stay away from him. You know what this did? It gave her an excuse to prance over to his office and apologize. Oh, great! Anyway, all I'm saying is this...guilt? Maybe not...how about manipulation. Don't feel sorry for her. And, why would she assume you've totally forgiven your husband? You probably have not, if you're human. But, that's none of her business. It just seems to me that she is desperate and is trying any and all angles to stay alive in her fantacy world with your H. My OW got very desperate towards the end. Went to my MIL's house (even though they had never ever met), sent cards, drove by my house, used any chance she could to 'apologize'. And, then when her mom got sick, used that as a ploy to 'just be friends and lean on H for support'. YUCK!!! Anyway, just my two cents.

I understand, Fiori.

I spoke to H last night and asked him to "NOT" contact her by email even if this gets worse. For one thing then she'd have HIS email address and that would open another can of worms, but I told him I am not promoting her activity in the slightest. He has always received her phone calls thru an independent phone line to his work dept., but our MC was adamant that if she ever calls again, he is to hang up immediately! Our MC was very forceful with THAT one and there could be no misunderstanding. He is also supposed to inform me if OW calls, and MC really made him squirm that I don't know whether he tells me the truth or not but he will do real damage if he kills the little trust I am granting him.

I believe this to be a last ditch effort. Thankfully she doesn't know H's workplace, just the phone number to his dept. and that must be private because when I google it there's never an address for the #. Also, our mailing address is not given with our phone number in the book. We live in a rural area and the listing is still from 20 years ago.

You are also right about the forgiving. It's none of her business whether or not I have forgiven him, and your instincts are right on that one!

On the forgiveness issue that is NONE of her business... Your husband screwed up big time. They both betrayed you. The difference is your husband has done other wonderful possitive things for you over the years. One HUGE withdrawal from your love back but lots of deposits. You forgave him for yourself as well as him. She has done nothing but stab you in the back. You owe her nothing, nada ziltch.

HA,

You are NOT taking this seriously enough. Do you or do you not want to recover your marriage?

Every time there is contact between any of you, YOU are NOT the only one who triggers.

The OW triggers...gets her fix and keeps her addicted to the relationship.

Your H will trigger as well. Do you not understand that all this drama keeps the entanglement going with all parties involved?

This drama is completely unnecessary. I am totally baffled as to why an email account for promotional announcements would be more important to you than saving your marriage.

It really is THAT serious.

Close the holes you have left open for OW to walk back into your life.

Part of Dr. H's recovery program is putting into place extra-ordinary precautions to PROTECT each other and your marriage. You are falling short here. YOU are not protecting YOUR HUSBAND or YOURSELF from contact with OW.

Stop complaining about triggering, and DO something about it. You cannot progress in your recovery as long as OW has access to either of you.

Your husband is not the only person who must be dedicated to NC. How would you feel if this account was your husband's and he did not close it? Would you feel like he was willing to do whatever it takes to recover your marriage.

Well, it goes both ways. Your triggers hurt your recovery. Get rid of all that you can control.

Sunflower:
I am not receiving contact any more with OW. Her email addy is being flagged as trash and I don't have any issues with the DELETE button. I'm not going to open any thing else so she won't be an issue anymore. If it continues...past the blocks I have put up, then I WILL delete the acct. I just figure that getting an email and deleting it is less damaging than H receiving a phone call. The last time H deleted an email acct from her she phoned over and over to his workplace and THEN we had issues because H and OW both got their jollies.

I don't mind letting her think she's getting to me. She's not worth it and I'm getting the last laugh at her pitiful attempts to upset me. Delete..delete..delete

HA,

You are taking unnecessary risks.

If OW contacts you through that account, it is YOUR own fault. And so will be the trigger you feel from it...and the trigger your H and OW feel.

Triggers are a HUGE obstacle in recovery. Reducing the number of them is critical.

It's not like this is an important work email addy that you cannot get changed.

You and H's actions should be making a statement to OW that you will go to whatever lengths necessary to rid your lives of her. She should get a dead end every time she tries to make contact. If she doesn't, you are fueling her addiction...and that IS dangerous to YOUR marital recovery.