How do you know when one is over the other?

I think I would get the same counsel, except he would tell me to just stay out of it and TRUST him.

I so admire your strength....

Did I tell you how much I miss you.

Well.. in this case knowing which it is, is pretty easy. WW has NEVER been good with money.. even before she met me. It's something she's aware that she struggles with, but always seems to find herself in a sticky situation..

Funny thing is, a month ago she lit me up one side and down the other for expressing a passing concern for her financial situation... talking about this very issue actually when I told her I wouldn't accept a personal check from her... the irony is so thick I don't think I'll ever have to worry about showing up anemic.


You do make a good point that I should probably stay out of it.. didn't exactly have that luxury this go round, but am definitely focusing on the 'BE STILL and let God untangle the knot' philosophy. I could have very easily escalated the discussion last night into an argument.. played the aggrieved party.. did the I told you so's.. and what would that have solved or changed?

Nada..

PLUS I don't have to deal with the lingering being miffed at something I expected to happen a month ago.

Sometimes I hate being right.. I'm too much of a pessimist/realist for such consistency of correctness to be a good thing for me or anyone else.

Oddly though.. the one thing I can't take the pessimist view on is probably currently the most actively destructive thing in my life.. and that's my WW.. God gave His blessing on my promise to love her.. my strength which you have such admiration for Queenie.. is not my own. It is God's entirely.. had I been relying on my own strength for this.. I'd have exhausted myself months ago.

Keep the faith.. and keep praying. God is faithful.

(((((Queenie)))))

Well, I picked up DS at daycare, and it was picture day. I bought a few extremely overpriced photos (and gave a few to WW since she mentioned she wouldn't be able to afford them this go round.. told her to consider it an early Mother's Day present), and they gave DS this neat backpack with his picture on the back. Got DD and had a quick dinner before heading to DD's softball game. DD's team lost, and she took a ball to the hand and jammed up her finger pretty good. After that we came home and messed around until WW got there.

She showed up with her little sister and all the kids, and 'informed' me that she was changing DS's daycare to the one DSD used to go to, and now apparently goes to after school these days again. She said she didn't like how one of the teachers at the daycare talked to DS. I didn't make a fuss and just pretty much took it down. I know these other people and I like them well enough. My concern was how ill prepared DSD was for Kindergarten after spending a few years with them.. admittedly WW might be doing a better job on her end this go, and I know I'm doing everything I can to keep the learning going at home. WW said she was also looking into a preschool program here in town. I suggested we look into putting both kids at the local parish school and I'd go halvsies with her on -both- tuitions.. she said she wanted them to have a 'broader scope' of learning than what she felt they'd get at Catholic school. I asked her to keep me in the loop on it, and I think Sunday I'll suggest we look into Montesori or something for DS instead.. I know that program well and it's proven to be a great foundation with me and DD.

We'll see I guess.. new church sign on the way in: Don't give up. Remember, even Moses was once a 'basket' case.

I don't know...I guess I don't understand why she gets to make these decisions without your input and approval. He is your little guy, too, you're not just babysitting for him when you have him.

I think she's doing this wrong. She shouldn't be 'telling' you what's going to happen, she should be asking you what your thoughts are.

Have you mentioned this to your attorney?

I haven't mentioned it to my guy yet.. however it's things like this I'm keeping track of for mediation to demonstrate WHY I'm going to want clauses in the parenting arrangement requiring discussion and mutual agreement on decisions like this.

James, I think you are handling it correctly right now. With any luck, WW having all this continued turmoil of WB in and then out of apt., moving DS around in his daycare, etc isn't showing the courts of her stability in things or ability to created routine in a young child's life. That's a very important quality that children need.

Keep those happenings jotted down, and let the A handle it, plus keeping being able to have everything spelled out in the parenting plan. In a way, small way, she is helping you out by doing some of this stuff now, so you can get everything covered.

People don't always think about all that this encompasses and where your heart is still hurting, you mind is taking in and processing.

I don't know if that makes sense or not. I didn't sleep well last night.

You might want to run this strategy by your lawyer. If I were her lawyer, I'd be advising her to document these same things to demonstrate why she should have all the decision making power, since she already makes all the decisions and you don't participate in making them anyway.

AmIOk: I can see your point. I'll be contacting him with an 'update'.. need to ask what he's done about the financial stuff anyhow.


Queenie: Sorry you haven't been sleeping well.. I can relate.

Yah, it's hard to keep your head straight through all of this.. always second guessing your decision making and trying to figure out how 'they' will use it against you..

Still..

TRUST G-D......

I can also see Am's point. I just am not good at looking at all sides. That's why we have lawyers, right? To cover our backs and let us concentrate on doing G-ds work and being in his will.

However, that also doesn't mean we play dead. This is sadly after all WAR.

I think you should be respectfully stating any objections you have to any changes she it unilaterally making, I think you should have your lawyer send those objections to her lawyer. I don't think you should be having heated discussions with her about it, but as AmIok says, your silence will be viewed as agreement with her decisions, which will set further precedent for her decision making authority.

My son is in an all Catholic boys school that starts at 3 years old and goes through 8th grade. You could not ask for a more broader scope of learning and great educational foundation. My son is in Kindergarten and reading at almost a second grade level. He can do multiple digit addition and subtraction, build bar graphs and tell time. He has already had 2 years of Spanish, which will continue until he is in the upper school and has a choice of Spanish or French. The opportunities to learn about Social Justice are never ending. At Christmas, every boy in the school makes a care box that is then sent to men at a home for the mentally challenged and a local immigrant center. Their current project is for each grade to do a special project to earn (yes, earn - not ask Mom and Dad for, but earn) funds to sent to their sister school in Uganda. The Kindergarten class' project earned $600.00. They know that this will help put running water in the school in Uganda.

Montessori is really great for some kids who are very self-directed but a disaster for others. My son had a miserable time in Montessori and I pulled him out after only a month. I will add that the students at his current, Catholic school are equally, if not more equipped that the kids who were at the Montessori school he was at. My sister who is an elementary school teacher in a very good public school system says they always hate when the get kids who went to Montessori because the kids have a really tough time adapating to the structure and expectations of a traditional classroom.

Just my thoughts,

Brit's Brat

Oh believe me, I 100% agree that Catholic School would probably be the best thing for him, AND for his sister, which is why I offered to go halvsies even on DSD's tuition so that she could send both kids.

To be honest with you I think she's running from her faith right now as well.

Montesori was a Godsend for me and DD, and gave us both a very good academic foundation. I can relate though to what you are saying about the adjustment to public school after Montesori preschool... I can't deny the academic and self-worth building they do though.

Honestly I think the whole thing about the teacher (the example she gave me was the teacher giving DS a hard time about sucking his thumb.. WHICH I AGREE WITH.. he's 4.. time to stop.. the only time he sucks his thumb though is when he has his 'sprinkles' blanket with him that he's had since birth.. he's broken of the habit UNLESS he has his security blanket.. and to be honest again.. right now with so much instability in his life I'm not sure it's the right time to break him of that.

This really just seems to be another episode of WW not facing a problem.. even a small one like this.. and chosing instead an 'easy' way out... Do I like it that I was only consulted -after- she'd made arrangements to do the transfer? No.

The upside though is that I know the new people and they are good people, and I trust them to care for DS.. I just don't have a whole lot of faith in their 'school program'.. who knows, it might have gotten better in the last 4 years and I'm worried for nothing.. I think it's ill advised to make a change now when we don't have the recommendation back from the evaluator yet.. but we'll see.

I'll talk to my lawyer.. we've got a little bit to catch up on, he and I anyhow.. looks like it may be next week though.. he's impossible to catch on Friday and today isn't looking all that promising.

A little off topic, but I can relate to the thumb-sucking. My oldest daughter, who just turned 30, is married to an attorney and has two children, STILL sucks her thumb at night sometimes when she sleeps. We used to worry about it all the time when she was growing up-- damaging her teeth, being ridiculed by other kids, etc., but she never stopped and she turned out just fine. *Shrug*

Although if I were you I'd mention to the new teachers that you and DS have been working on breaking the thumb sucking habit. . .

Thanks PM.. as an old avid thumb sucker myself I can relate to this, and honestly don't believe that RIGHT NOW is the time to start weaning him from something that gives him great comfort and is honestly a coping mechanism for him.

Tyk, that's a good idea you've got there though.

Honestly I think this whole situation could be resolved by just talking to the teacher about it.. but that's not how WW operates, she'll just leave the problem behind her until a new one crops up wherever she's moved to.. figuratively speaking.

If I didn't know the people we were changing him to I'd probably be a little bit more upset, but I know them, I like them, and DS likes them. Also.. if I do end up with custody, he'll be able to spend the days in the summer with DSD and will have at least some time every day with her before and after school. That'll at least mean he won't lose an 'every day' relationship with his sister.

I'm having a friend who works at one of the two Montesori schools in town send me an information pack, and I'm going to try to convince WW to go in that direction for preschool.

We'll see.. I am rather proud of myself for not going into high speed wobbles over the crap this week. Months ago I'd be triggering hard and probably escalating this into a full blown confrontation. Nowadays I can look at the situation and start trying to come up with solutions rather than whinging about what should be, or should have been.

I think it's progress for me.. some will call it appeasement probably, and I'm sure you can view it that way. I'm choosing my battles at this point, continuing to document, and trying my best to keep the kids out of the line of fire.

I almost feel like one of those negotiators approaching a hostage situation.. like if I can get her to release the hostages, chances improve of being able to talk her down without further hurting anyone else, including herself, and everyone can go home.. but I know this is just a metaphor and probably not the most applicable one.. but I'm shooting from the hip here right?

Still standing hoping and praying.. and of course excited about what is shaping up to be a pretty busy weekend with DS and DD.



PS: Yesterday was a sad day for me, mourning the 14 year anniversary of the deaths of one of the greatest drivers ever to sit in a car, not to mention one of the personal heroes of my youth. Each year on May 1 I go back through some of the old footage of his driving, and I ran across this quote last night that I think sums up the question of strength and determination for people standing and hoping in God for the restoration of their marriage and their families:

"On a given day or given circumstance you think you have a limit, and then you go for this limit, and you touch this limit and you think: "Ok, this is the limit." As soon as you touch this limit, something happens and suddenly you can go a little bit further. With your mind power, your determination, your instinct, and experience as well you can fly very high." - Ayrton Senna

And this has certainly been you.

But I know that it's also because you look to G-d to get you to that limit and wait for him to pull, push or wait and watch for you at the next limit.

What plans do you have for the weekend?

Well.. we'll see. I don't believe God believes in limits. The bar just gets raised higher . I'm cool with that though.

Plans for the weekend are pretty much as normal.. DD has softball and volleyball this weekend, and DS will probably want to hit the go-cart track for a few laps.. as for the rest, we're wingin it!

There'll probably be a movie involved somewhere here or there.. time at the park or playing with the other kids in the neighborhood.

I'm SO THANKFUL that Spring is finally here.. can get out and hobnob with the neighbors and reconnect with people.. it's a vital step in my healing process I'm sure.

Or we move on to the next lesson, and we have been very diligent at learning the lessons and being obedient to his teachings.

Yanno.. this is an even BETTER way of thinking about it.

You're truly a blessing Queenie

Your compliments are always so sweet and kind. Thank you.

Did you read the Charlynne that Cares email this morning?