Aph - thanks for posting. I know benc and know what's going on and it's killing me to watch because I've been thru the same thing. He's blaming himself, allowing her to move out, taking what he can get. Full of fear.

He exposed at work and to her parents and then told her to end it. She says the affair is over and now she wants to move out to have her space. He is not resisting.

I'm looking for posts on fog and babble but the search function doesn't work. If any one has some good links please post. I'm encouraging him to read MB but seeing as how he won't talk to me other than in text messages, I don't know that he'll come here. I emailed him your post, Aph. If anybody else posts anything more insightful than "grow a pair" I'll email him the posts.

It's questionable as to whether it's worthwhile to save the marriage at this point, I just want to clue him in to what is happening to him. I am fearful that she will either continue the affair, get a new man (men) live a party lifestyle and use him for the ENs she's not getting in her new life. And he gets destroyed in the process.

That is what plan A/B is for. He can try and meet her ENs for the next few months (without expecting much in return) and then move to plan B. Then it is up to her to decide. If she wants benc to continue to meet those ENs, then she needs to move back, cut off all contact with OM, and behave like a married woman. If not, plan B will help end his pain and help him move on.

The only reason I'm concerned about his chances is because his marriage got off to a very rocky start with the quasi-open marriage and all. She's probably never had to behave like a married woman before, so she is probably less likely to do so now. If nothing else, benc will take away some valuable life lessons about what marriage is and what it takes to make it work so he can find the right person next time (if it comes to that).

MDC,

Remind him that "space" is just code for "time to be with my boyfriend"! The last thing he ought to give her is space.

I found the reverse babble thread on page 3:
Reverse Babble Thread

If his wife "wants her space", what she wants if freedom to be with OM without having to answer for her time. She is tired of the stress of having to deal with her family and wants to be able to take every opportunity to be with OM rather than times she can get away with it. My WW said the same thing on d-day, and I told her that it wasn't acceptable. I told her that I wasn't giving up on our M and that I would take her back. I then told her that my previous statement was contingent on her dumping OM and becoming a real member of our family again. That was what she was looking for, though, because she wanted out when she told me.

We are proud of him for exposing, though, because if the WS won't end it, the big guns have to come out. This should bring things to a head one way or another, and if it doesn't wake her up, Plan A/B/D. I didn't have to expose, Plan B, or Plan D, but I made preliminary plans early. Plan A worked in our case.