Sorry, pardner, but those options are not a valid analysis of what is happening, or what can happen in the future. First, if this flying school is THE only place in the area where WW would be able to find work after certification, then there is a CONTINUED, one might even say an escalated, chance of them reconnecting -- it's NOT a "zero" chance.

Second, you would expose this obscenity to the OM's employer so the employer could HELP you make sure an improper relationship does not reignite with your WW, or begin another with other women over whom this OM exercises a position of power. Whether you realize it or not, what happened to your WW was an extraordinarily blatant case of sexual harassment and the school can clearly be sued. If you have any regard for the school’s owner, this lady you spoke of, you’ll report it so she can stay in business.

“Outing” the OM to teach him a lesson, for revenge, or any similar reason isn’t part of the equation and you’ve erred if you think the folks advising you here on MB work from such a trivial basis. You expose the relationship to make sure the relationship involving your WW does not begin again, pure and simple. If your wife’s reputation suffers, that’s one of the consequences of not having a strong sense of integrity.

The solution to the loss of respect between your WW and her coworkers -- and one often recommended by Dr. Harley -- may well be to move from wherever you now live to somewhere both of you can have a brand new start. Do not discard this alternative out of hand. Speak with your MC and I’m sure he or she can help you explore the benefits of such a move.

I’m glad to see you’re in counseling, but I sense you haven’t yet read Surviving An Affair by Dr. Harley, and you really should do that at your earliest convenience.

LH

Yeah, I haven't read Dr. Harley's book yet. I've read "After the Affair" and "Getting the Love You Want" which the latter I know folks here have issues with. I do too in that I don't see the point of trying to identify childhood causes of current issues. I have "Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help you Cope, Heal and Move On" on order from Amazon - I will check out Harley's book next.

I'm thinking seeing the MC every 2 weeks isn't cutting it for me - I may have to step it up to weekly for a while - SO hard on the pocketbook though.

Is your MC qualfied, though? Does he have experience with infidelity? Is he advsing your wife that she needs to LEAVE that school in order to recover the marriage? Does your MC understand that affairs are addictive and that contact must end? What is your MC's plan for recovery? What is his own track record?

These are things I would be checking, hs, because mose MC are NOT qualified to save marriages. They have no idea whatsoever how to do it and even less knowledge about the dynamics of adultery. Most are not PRO-MARRIAGE and only serve to facilitate divorce.

Marriage counselors usually cause more damage than good, with a 84% FAILURE RATE, the lowest of any of the counseling disciplines. They have a higher divorce rate than the general population.

I would be asking some hard questions, hs.

HS,
This may seem rather blunt but you need to understand something.

Your WW did not somehow get sucked in by a predator and made a " mistake " !

Your w made a choice, and a horrible one at that. Unless and untill you accept that, you are mistakenly trying to excuse her behavior, instead of doing the tremendous work of forgiving her weakness.

This is not going to work if the two of you think you can somehow sweep this under the rug and not talk about it again. Exactly what is your W saying about all this.

Let me guess: "He seduced me and I made a mistake, and it will never happen again." Right???........ WRONG !

You need to examine why your W made the choice she did. What was lacking in your M that this ahole saw and exploited?

You could be(and sound like) the nicest guy in the world, but if you have been missing your W's greatest EN, it will get you nowhere.

Have you downloaded and filled out the HNHN emotional Questionaire?

I do wish you all the best, but I fear you are in a fog about this. I know, I was in a fog for years. Don't make the same mistakes I made. Lift your head above the covers, it will be enlightening.

All Blessings,
Jerry