My daughter asked me tonight why I am not dating and haven't in a long time. I told her I am fine being alone and like my life. I bike, exercise, go out with friends, the list goes on and on...

She seemed to feel sorry for me though... I wanted to explain to her that it takes a long time to completely recover from divorce and a lot of work. But, I am not sure how to bring that up without slamming my X (whom seems to love to date as many men as she can).

I am definately at a point in my recovery where I just don't care if I date or not. If I meet someone, that would be a great compliment to my life. If I don't, that is fine also. Actually, I am having too much fun sometimes being single... it is liberating actually!

I felt bad that she seemed so concerned about me though.

Any suggestions on how I can delicately explain to her that I am recovering, and following the advice of my divorcecare class? And most of all, I want her to know I DO like my life as it is.

say exactly that to her. you are following the guidelines of your class and that the actions of her mother hurt you so deeply you are still recovering from it. show her that infidelity is not to be taken lightly by her seeing just how long it is taking you to recover. In the future hopefully she will think twice about it when she sees how much pain it caused you.

she is probably also confused because you don't date and yet her mother does a lot. and at 17 (the age you have listed for her in your sig line) life is all about dating.

just be completely honest with her. she is at an age where she can handle that. i would also say that everyone's recovery time is different as well. but that there is nothing wrong with being single. it is not a bad thing or a stigma to be single.

my son has said to me a few times "mom, you need a bf". there are a few reasons for this. first off, my son is STARVED for a good male figure in his life. my ex, his father, is not a good role model and only spends time or calls him when it is convenient for him. my one long term R since post marriage was ldr so my son didn't really get to know him and when he did meet him exbf acted like such a nut cast the whole week he was here and did not even try to get close to my kids, that my son was left stumped. so i know he longs for a good STABLE male figure in his life. he would also like someone who could go to his games and such. and if we have to drive really far for hockey my son and i have a joke because i tell him he has to stay awake to talk me for it is a long drive home. he is like "another reason you need a bf mom, so i can get some sleep on the ride home and not have to stay awake to talk to you!" lol

mlhb

Hi, Keith.

I think you should just stick to "I like my life, and if I find the right woman, fine. If not, fine."

I vaguely recall being 17. At 17, many, if not most, girls cannot conceive of being happy as an adult without a romantic relationship. I imagine she's projecting a lot of this onto you.

I'd steer clear of discussing the divorce. If you say it takes a while to get over something like that, she may think you're still extremely wounded and need her help, or that you're somehow her responsibility.

Besides, there's something really, really nice about doing what you want when you want. And heaven knows, you give that up when you're in a serious relationship. Maybe you could talk to her about that aspect. That may be a good way to set her expectations for marriage since my guess is her mother did not model good spouse behavior.

And remember, if you're ever biking through the mid-atlantic states, you can drop by.

Keith,

You have mail

Ronda

GG,

Yes, I will reiterate with her that I do like my life, I do like the freedom and that being alone is just fine. However, I think my actions will be stronger than words. When my children are with me, I spent tons of time with them. When they are gone, they know I am out on my bike and they know how much I love it. So, they will see I am a wonderful dad that loves his kids and loves biking. They will see that being alone is fine also.

I would love to tell her (and my son) that their mom hurt me but I won't. They love their mom and I don't want to pull them into it.

KK

All kids have enough to worry about now a days without hearing all the adult garbage.

Kudos to you Keith! Your kids are VERY lucky to have you as a role model!

Ronda