You'll hear it a lot on here, Queenie, but FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY ( a book by Susan Jeffers, PhD).

Don't fight it and don't flee in it's presence. continue to do what you know is right, using the tools laid before you (your lawyer, intermediary, the church/synagogue, counsellors, Anon, etc.).

There is also a big fear of LOSING. You must examine what exactly you fear losing. Do you want to spend even one minute with the incarnation that is your H now? Do you want to spend a lifetime with a good, loving man? If it's the latter, then stick to your plan B, and make sure your lawyer has all the information he needs to protect you and your family.

ISAIAH 54:4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

ISA 54:5 For your Maker is your husband--
the LORD Almighty is his name--
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

ISA 54:6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit--
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected," says your God.

Hi Queenie,

Remember....Amazing woman....
He just doesn't reilize it yet.

I would be willing to bet that you are in better emotional shape than he is right now.

(((((Queenie)))))

I am glad everyone got on here to lift you up....

Some things I want to point out to you....

YOu don't understand why?..he does this or react like this or feel slighted (whick btw is funny considering HE'S having the affair....)...it is because you have blossomed into a BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL GODDESS and he knows this. Remember senior night??? Oh He SAW you, and it probably sunk in that HE is not the ONLY one entitled to a good life....heck, he's probably slighted that yours looks better than his right now....its the GODDESS POWER within you....

YOu are doing wonderful...I know this is so hard honey...we are here....catch ya soon...ok....and if anything TRY TRY TRY and get some rest....

Love ya hon....

Not2fun

Sure you saw this in our email devotional.. but it bears repeating in light of current circumstances:

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on
the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against
the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and
blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against
the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces
of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:10-12


Love and prayers.. may God lift you up through this Queenie.

((((((((((Queenie)))))))))))

Queenie,

Sorry I didn't get back here last night. I got home late and fell asleep on the couch.

Psalm 123

I lift up my eyes to you,
to you whose throne is in heaven.

As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
till he shows us his mercy.

Have mercy on us, O LORD, have mercy on us,
for we have endured much contempt.

We have endured much ridicule from the proud,
much contempt from the arrogant.

Psalm 125:1 & 2

Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be shaken but endures forever.

As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the LORD surrounds his people
both now and forevermore.

Good morning,

I have to admit, I was beaten yesterday. I had been praying to G-d the last few days for guidance, what he wants me to do. I was feeling strong pressure to just go ahead and get the D and stop this insanity. Let Satan win, I just didn't have the fight in me b/c I am truly incapable of understanding how my WH can get to the place he is at. And he is in the dark side.

I really have been praying hard to hear G-ds message. One of my closets friends who had been supporting my stand on my M was even pressuring me to just go get the D. I couldn't stop shaking this off, no matter how hard I tried. I dropped to my knees a few times during the day, pleading for guidance and nothing.

While I was freezing at my OS's game last night, this thought popped into my head - FAITH. Just keep the FAITH that G-d is taking care of me no matter what. Remembering the basics.

And this morning, when I got up and read the Charlynne That Cares email this morning... ARE YOU STRUGGLING ABOUT STANDING?

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood..."
Ephesians 6:12

Are you struggling in standing for your marriage to be restored?
How are you doing in praying, fighting the enemy and believing your Lord that your marriage will be restored? Are you losing hope due to your circumstances? This is a spiritual battle with Satan and a host of evil spirits. These powers of darkness are the spiritual forces of evil.

Satan was trying to destroy another family instead of them serving the Lord and making a difference. The enemy was also working overtime to tempt me to fall into sin, by not believing and trusting my Lord for my marriage to be restored.

The battle that you face daily with your spouse is not about you
and your spouse. It is a much larger spiritual battle that will
affect generations to come. Satan is the father of all lies and
he is out to deceive men and women daily regarding doing right
versus living in sin. Never forget the enemy's plan, but know
God is greater.

I believe this was my sign from G-d, because I KNOW this is a spiritual battle between WH and G-d. I have understood this for such a long time. And that's why Plan B is so perfect for me. B/c that day that G-d spoke to me, he told me to get out of the way and I am still trying to in all areas.

There is a war that is going on night and day for the hearts of
men, women and children. There is a battle that is going on in
the mind of your spouse. You need to have wisdom, knowledge and
understanding so that you can truly comprehend how the Enemy is
attacking and deceiving your spouse by wrong choices and lies
from the Enemy's tricks, schemes and his false truths. The enemy is deceiving your spouse that there is no consequences to sin.

Has the enemy been attacking you with thoughts of giving up? Are you tired of all the struggles of finances, loneliness, jealousy, unforgiveness, having no patience in waiting on the Lord's timing, the fighting and now you are questioning God's will or the signs that He gave you regarding your marriage? Be on guard. Be alert. The enemy will try to tempt and deceive you also!

So, a good night's sleep, and this email from Charlynne and mostly all of you have helped me to rejuvenate and just be still, take care of me and the boys and create a life for my WH to come home to.

WELCOME HOME, MIMI...

I sure missed you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How was the trip?

The trip was WONDERFUL!!

I haven't caught up here yet..

I just wanted to welcome you home......

So how would getting a divorce HELP? Would that alleviate the PAIN? It's about wanting TO DO something again. YOU cannot CONTROL this...

LIVE your LIFE, Queenie..that's all YOU can DO...

It wouldn't HELP. But it would let go in the ultimate way. And I was just searching for answers on what was happening?

Alleviate the PAIN? No, the pain would be there just as deep as always. I love my H....

I am LIVING my LIFE. Is that why he is feeling slighted?

I'm just confused on what is happening?

I want to stay out of G-ds way, but if there is something I am doing, I want to stop it.

You are not going to find out any ANSWERS about your WH. Where is the FAITH and the TRUST, Queenie? You still seem to be having difficulty LETTING GO, putting him in GOD'S hands. "Whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see.."


Did I miss something? How could you possibly KNOW anything about how he is FEELING?


I'm not wanting to be COLD when I say this..but, you will remain CONFUSED if you are wanting to KNOW what is happening with him.

You will only know about YOURSELF. Your focus needs to remain YOURSELF and your OWN PERSONAL GROWTH...regardless of the OUTCOME of this, YOU need to be STRONGER than EVER from an EMOTIONAL point of view...


DO NOTHING but focus on taking care or YOURSELF and your children.

Tell yourself that your H..NO LONGER EXISTS..your H is DEAD to YOU...

Such MIND CONTROL does not require a DIVORCE..

I thought I was, I really did. It's just when it effects the kids and their food and life it hits a sore spot.

Because the insurance agent told me that what WH said when he handed him over a grand for insurance.

You have my person. I need people to care more about my life than my feelings

And when he witholds money from me taking care of my children, that's when I find the need to do something... How do I handle things then?

THAT'S WHEN YOU CALL YOUR LAWYER!!!!! That is what you can DO.

Queenie, I've been where you are, not so long ago, and the urge to DO was sooooo strong. I'm in a better place now, a place of acceptance, and grieving. I have absolutely no expectations of PWC anymore. He comes at face value now, with the face he has, not the one I have constructed for him.

Work toward acceptance that your husband is alien to you now. Focus on what your life will be without him. I know, I know. You don't want a life without him, HOWEVER, that IS what you have right now. Work with what ya got, not what you'd wish to have.

I really thought I was focusing on a life without my WH.

And I did call the lawyer. He was going to send a registered letter demanding payment or he would be taken to court.

Where I got caught up is trying to understand what set this off. He is playing his games and that hooks me in. I have to learn to become immune to them. But if he is DEAD to me, then I wouldn't be depending on him to come through with the money it would just be there.

It still does not matter. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL, regardless of what HE DOES..and what the WAYWARD does can be UTTERLY DISGUSTING...so YOU do have a choice to DIVORCE, but what HE DOES is still the same..it's STILL BAD and DISGUSTING and HORRIBLE, etc....


Well, that was a WONDERFUL, LOVING thing for the insurance agent to tell you...where's that rolling eyes icon?..WHO CARES WHAT HE SAYS or the INSURANCE AGENT SAYS?????..both are FULL OF IT...



SL has the answers... YOUR LAWYER and ACCEPTANCE...Work on ACCEPTANCE..

Again, I think you are EXPECTING him to be like a good, responsible man would be. What are you not grasping about his selfishness? What part of how despicable a wayward can be do you think your WH is immune from? Examine why you think he's different. Once you figure it out, you won't be surprised by his behavior. AT least, I'm not.