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#20550 10/14/99 06:48 AM
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I watched on Direct TV last nite the movie "Hope Floats" - don't know if anyone has seen ir or not, but its a divorce movie ... and after crying for 2 hours ... I prayed to God to give me an answer as to how ANY MAN or ANY WOMAN can walk away from their children, their flesh and blood, innocent loving children and leave them crying for the parent they never asked to go. I do not know how any human with a heart can leave their children and cannot understand how people cannot put pain and hurt aside for their children ... I know how it feels, as my kids dad is playing single now too ... but how, how can people leave their children?

#20551 10/14/99 07:36 AM
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I saw that movie too. I hated it. When they do that,they arent thinking of their kids.<BR> They arent thinking of anybody but them!<BR> I have a good friend, about a month ago,<BR> she just left her husband and two kids for another man. Shes 36, the guy is 28, he has no interest in her kids or anything.I asked her how she could do it, her answer was <BR> she didnt want to be a mother and she didnt want to be a wife, like you can suddenly<BR> change your mind after 15 years and its ok?<BR> Whats wrong with people?<BR>

#20552 10/14/99 07:58 AM
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My H OW is a prime example of a bad parent. She is the Mother of 8 children. 4 from her first marriage 1 from an affair and 3 from her second marriage. She met my H on the internet and as the story goes they met and she told him how abused she was and that her H who she was seperated from was going to kill her, blah,blah,blah. Anyway she is from NY and we live in MN and she left her three youngest kids with this supposedly abusive man to follow my husband here. She just told him that she was dropping them off for visitation. The kids are 9,5 and 3. Her two oldest daughters ages 17 and 16 had already left her and were living with other people. <BR>so she brought her two daughters ages 15 and 13 and her baby boy 9 mos across the country.<BR>The affair with my H didn't last long and after 1 mo he was begging to come back home. Her 13 yr old daughter just begged to come with him as she was sick of the life that her Mom had given her. After a month of my getting to know her my H and her daughter came home. Her daughter is very happy here and never wants to go back to her Mom. We sign papers tomorrow that gives us legal guardianship over her. Friday the OW is to appear at a divorce and custody hearing regarding her 3 little kids in NY and the baby she has here. She can't afford to go back to NY so she will lose all custody of those kids and probably the baby to. So that leaves one child home with her out of 8 and she has suggested she can't handle her and that maybe she needs a foster home. I can't imagine anyone leaving your 3 little kids 1800 miles away just to follow a married man that you hardly know. Now that's a bad parent!

#20553 10/14/99 10:44 AM
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My story isn't that extreme, but still very bothersome to me.<P>My wife, after discovery 6 months ago, was going to fight me for custody of the children She claimed she loved them and wanted them with her and her OM. But.. in August when she found out she can't take them across state lines (just to live with OM) she gave up fighting and has agreed to a visitation schedule. She moved out to an apartment (on my money... for partial divorce settlement... and then OM moved in with her! I thought for sure she would want to see them frequently (W and OM live about 1 1/2 hours away) Our agreement is that she sees them every other weekend (I wanted her to see them EVERY weekend... keep binding with them) and she said she'd be back 2 or 3 times per week (during the midweek).<P>She has come back only ONCE (midweek) since she moved out (seven weeks ago.)<P>She rarely calls... maybe 4 times since moving out.<P>It bothers all 3 kids (17yo boy, 10yo boy and 7yo girl.)<P>I can't understanding giving up almost all maternal instincts like that.<P>And even when she has had them for visitations (3 times so far) she will never spend time with them alone... OM always has to be present. I think she wants to get them use to him being a "good" father figure... ha!<P>She seems to be pulling away from them more and more as the weeks go on. I feel real bad for my kids. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I hope she snaps out of this....<P>I haven't seen the movie yet...<BR>I'm not sure I will (if it is a heartbreaker)<P>I hope my wife (and OM... with his two kids from first marriage... yes, he is still married to his second wife) sees it! Maybe it will jar something in their pysche that "hey... there's something wrong here!"<P>Jim

#20554 10/14/99 10:53 AM
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Ask my Wife. She's been gone for eight months now. Came back for a week at the end of May & saw the girls five times in that week.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited October 14, 1999).]

#20555 10/14/99 10:55 AM
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You know, conventional wisdom is that people who choose not to have children are "selfish." After reading this, I wonder. <P>I've always known that children are a huge responsibility; one you don't enter into without serious thought. You owe them that much. When I see people who expect the schools, and movie actors, and athletes to handle the molding of their children, it makes me furious. Who's selfish?<P>There's only one reason to have children -- because you want that awesome responsibility. Once that decision is made, it can't be undone. Sometimes in life we make decisions and have to live with the decisions we've made. You can change jobs. You can change spouses. But you can't get rid of your kids.<P>My H, who's well aware that he is not father material, says, "When you have kids, what YOU want no longer matters." And he's absolutely right.

#20556 10/14/99 11:51 PM
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When my H first moved out, he saw the kids frequently, about four times a week. Once he filed for divorce, he has cut back - now he sees them every other weekend and for an hour once a week, even though the kids have told him over and over they want to see more of him. His kids used to mean more than anything else in the world to him. I will never understand how someone can leave their kids for another adult.<P>

#20557 10/14/99 12:01 PM
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I have a vacation picture of my kids on my computer ... everytime I see their smiling faces I realize -- once again -- that I made the right decision to stay with them and to make their world a stable secure one.<P>The OM, on the other hand, has left his young children, moved to another state and rarely sees them. I cannot imagine how he could forfeit being there FOR THOSE KIDS just because he wants to feel good, find the fantasy life ... something that doesn't even exist.


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