Only checking..................

The line forms here -

Well Believer, I think mine is about as dark as it can get. Other than having my friend call WH about his heart attack, I have not seen or even heard much about him in almost 9 months. He left the state as you know, and my DD doesn't even talk to him much.

Why are you asking???

There's my girl.......

I'm asking because most affairs don't end with Plan A. Usually it takes Plan B, and I'm having a hard time finding ANYONE in a good Plan B here.

You are one of the exceptions.

I'm putting a VOTE in for QUEENIE...

Great thread, Believer! I was actually going to start one on Monday to call out ALL of the posters on here who HAVE done plan B or are IN a TRUE Plan B. Whether it saved their Ms or just their sanity, there are many here right now who I feel need a push to really understand the purpose...and the POWER of it.

I have read SO many posters, both who have recovered their M and who have divorced, who say they wish they had gone into Plan B sooner.

Dr. Harley has just recently reduced the time limit for women in Plan A to 6-8 weeks and men 2-3 months AT THE MOST!! He realizes many people are staying in Plan A for FAR too long, which will cause long-term physical and emotional issues...his quote...

People who wish they had gone into Plan B sooner who have RECOVERED their M, have said that the PAIN and ABUSE they continued to endure from their WSs (because of staying in Plan A too long) has made their recovery MORE difficult.

I would love to see stories from everyone here who has done a good plan B...or even those who WISH they had...how they felt at first, what it did for them emotionally, etc...

I firmly believe in the VALUE and POWER of PLAN B..but I also greatly understand the FEAR of it..

I am one who attributes our marital recovery to PLAN B..but PLAN B did not result in ME feeling better..I felt it was my ONLY OPTION for marital recovery..that's the ONLY REASON why I did it...

So I truly understand folks' reluctance about doing it...

Me!! Me B!! Me B!!

And I am SO glad I didn't wait! Melody was right on the money!! I was tempted to wait until after the holidays, or just a little longer in Plan A because Gray had started communicating again.

I know what would have happened, though. Just more cake-eating and him taking advantage of me.

So we have Chai, Queenie and Charlotte. Good job, ladies. There should be a lot more.

La-La -

You are exactly right. Plan A needs to be good and short. I waited much too long to go to Plan B, and did a half-assed one at first. But FINALLY I did a good one. What a blessing.

Well remember guys, I did two or three BBAAAADDD Plan B's before I did this one. I don't think it will lead to recovery for me because my WH looked at my first PBL as a "Dear John" letter. He totally didn't get it. He's very hostile, so I believe that he looks at my dark Plan B as really a Plan FU. Even though I have written a few "Jennifer" letters, he continues to be very hostile. I'm just not sure it was the right thing for me, but I don't really know what would have been better.

I guess in the end, it will help me heal. I do feel better when I don't know anything about what he is doing. Some days I think that I will do a little snooping, but realize that it will only bring heartache. From that perspective, it helps with the withdrawl from him.

Will it recover my M? I don't think so. I just hope it will recover me.....

I also nominate Luna to the Dark Side. I think she has done well.

Dang it! i thought I posted to this thread earlier but I don't see it here!

My 2 nominations for AWESOME Plan Bers are CHARLOTTE and IMJUSTJULIE!! They are strict in their no contact and look for CREATIVE WAYS to avoid contact. They are doing awesome!!

Oh yeah, Luna and JustJulie. Good Plan B's.

Still early, but I have a lot of hope for all of the Plan B'ers.

Gosh, this stuff takes sooooooooo much longer than is comfortable.

And SDGuy - One for the MB men.

I LOVE you Mimi!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I am doing a VERY DARK Plan B.... And WH is pulling out all the stops... He didn't DEPOSIT money AGAIN tonight.

But I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT BREAK MY PLAN....

Me too.

In fact, put me down as one vote for each one mentioned so far as well.

And maybe a few others that haven't been mentioned yet.

Mark

having trouble getting back to sleep; got myself a hefty dose of poison ivy on my forehead and it's giving me a pounding headache. Since I can't talk to my husband, due to that whole Plan B/D thing, I'm posting here. Plan B has helped me to date TWICE in the last three years since Dday#1.

Talk about avoidance. I'm doing great, one month in. Actually, I do SEE PWC once a week, passing by him in my car on the way to work as he drops DS off at the bus stop. This has happened twice in the last two weeks, so next week I'm taking a new route out of the neighborhood to avoid SEEING him. Luckily, I triggered for only a short while last week, and this week, I was just mildly annoyed.

My vote goes in for Chrisner. He's done a stellar Plan B, and even after divorce, has continued it. Heck, I vote his daughter in, too, just because she takes WZ in very small doses, at best, for her own sanity.

Oh, I think my only problem with Plan B is that I get delusional about my husband showing up again someday (because I'm no longer face to face with the reminder that he's been erradicated by PWC), and fantasize that we will still recover. I don't need those thoughts right now, so I only allow them for a second or two before changing the subject in my head. Believer's recent post about the letter she received from her WH has triggered the thought more often. I dunno that I believe my man will ever show up again, and if he did, it would probably be too late. That thought just bugs me to no end. Acceptance of TODAY is really key.

The day after my wife threw me out, I went totaly dark.

I only saw her twice and those times weren't civil.

The first time was in court three months later, then one month after that when I was allowed to get what was left of my property.

It's been over a year since she threw me out and since January since the divorce was final.

I barely remember her face and voice.

The only downside to this is I haven't seen or heard anything from my SS in over a year.

I guess he didn't give a carp either.

Pariah,

Your SS is a kid. He goes where mom goes. He doesn't fully understand this all. DO NOT lump him in with his mother's decisions. I'm a step kid, and my mom cheated on my step dad. My step dad, however, was not a good dad. He seemingly didn't give a [censored] about us kids, so I ASSUMED he didn't care to hear from me.

It's up to YOU to fight for him, not the other way around. Don't put that kind of pressure on a kid. You assume too much.

Now, your xw is a piece of work, and deserves all your disdain, just not the kid.

My WH also took my first PBL as plan FU and never stuck to my conditions i.e intermediary etc..I confess I did a weak PLB at first but now +_ 2 months in a dark plan B purely cos my head and heart are in sync now.

I don't think its affecting WH at all but the good news is that I have truely moved on and am in a much better place emotionally.
WH filed for D in Dec..and is stalling now although he says I'M stalling!!
His held back on giving me money for 2 months now although his paying morgage and other bills.I can survive without his money so I'm just leaving the ball in his court.I really don't know whats going on in his head...any advice.My lawyer understands my decision to let WH make the next move,says its my life.
I don't think WH is having doubts about D more likely worried about money he'll have to give me in settlement.He thinks by not giving me money it will force me to go to my lawyer!!hows that for logic..if he wants the D why doesn't he just get it over with?Believer what do you think?

One point of clarification, and maybe this is the final piece that gets me BLACK.

In Plan B, we don't get to think about, figure out or know ANYTHING about WH. Hope you and I are still trying to figure them out and have to STOP. We think we are moving on, but we are still talking about them and what they are doing.

Would the vets agree?

As Mark just told me, they are NOT our H, only the monsters and we could NEVER figure them out because they live in a place that I personally will NOT go.

So WE HAVE TO STOP TRYING.... AND STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM AT ALL. How do you do this, I have NO CLUE... But you can bet that I am going to be praying for it and learning a strategy to accomplish this.