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Joined: May 2008
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R
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I'm 20 years old and i thought i found the man of my dreams. in the beginning he was sweet and sensitive thoughtful. he's bought me flowers just because it was a Wednesday. As time went on though all those thing started to drift away. especially when he had liquor. Now that sweet caring loving man i fell in love with is almost completely faded away. he's threaten not only his life but mine as well. i don't want to call the cops but I've tried everything else. I've gone to the places he buys it at and begged them to not sell it to him but, it's against the law to deny a sale. I've gave him ultimatums but i've never stood by them. i left him a few days ago and its just gotten worse. he truly doesn't see he has a problem. because of his drinking we were recently got evicted. No one will admit him because he won't go willingly. I just don't know what else to do. I'm scared for his health. Please if anyone can help me i'll take all the advise i can get. please

Joined: Apr 2001
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It looks like he is not the man of the your dreams, after all. This is why it is a good idea to date someone for at least 2 years, so you can get a good look at their traits, the good, the bad, the ugly.

Dating is a job interview for marriage, I would suggest that this interview has been a flop. An alcoholic is a terrible choice for a spouse that will damn you to a life a misery. He would be a dreadful choice. And you can't change him.

One thing you can do is call his parents and tell them he has a drinking problem. They won't be able to do much without his willingness, though. Neither can you do anything. You can't change other people.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2006
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P
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Leave, never look back.

The only dreams he is capable of is nightmares and broken.

If you stay, you will end up black and blue.


I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,774
M
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run fast and hard the other way.
my father was an alcoholic.
he has been sober many years now thank god. but growing up was awful in my house.

don't do this to yourself. and certainly don't bring any children into this.

and thank god you saw this side of him before you agreed to marry him.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,026
J
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What a blessing to you that you could see this so early in your life.

Yes, please, move out & move on. This will ONLY get better when and IF HE wants it to, and NOTHING you say or do will help that happen.

In the best interest of YOU, separate from this boy completely.


LIFE IS GOOD
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,245
M
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Quote
I left him a few days ago and it’s just gotten worse.

It may look worse to you, but you have taken a positive step. Your boyfriend’s problems become your problems only if that is the path that you choose.

A love interest at 20 years old or 40 years old, often times becomes an addiction. We become both physiologically and emotionally attached to our love interests and consequently we fall in love with them. Sure enough, that is what has happened to you (and to him also).

Fortunately for you, you have sufficient maturity to realize that the object of your love is not in your best interests. His faults have surfaced and although you may have great regret and a lot of second guessing your choices I would propose to you that you have take the best step to your future by separating yourself from him.

The pain that you feel as a result of that separation is a normal response to the addiction that nearly ALL relationships endure. These forums are virtually littered with folks similar to you, looking for advice and guidance to break a damaging relationship. It is seldom easy, filled with pain and not everyone is successful. The key to ending any love relationship is found in these two simple words, “NO CONTACT”. That means no phone calls, no far away sightings, no emails, NO NOTHING as far as he is concerned. If you do this for a period of weeks, your feelings for him will fade and you will congratulate yourself and life for you, will return to normal. That is how you break this addiction.

I applaud your brave step to leave, salute your maturity and offer you this parting suggestion:

“NO CONTACT”

There will be many “next times” for you and armed with the lessons that you have learned you will be able to find the man of your dreams and not of your nightmares. You will love again.

Mr. G


"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows," Bob Dylan
Joined: Sep 2005
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M
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Call the police or go to a local shelter. They will help you fill out the required paperwork for a protection order...and YES< YOU NEED ONE. Your boyfriend has threatened your life. The MOST DANGEROUS time when getting away from an abuser is when you are freshly apart.
Get protection and take his threat seriously. I have carried too many bodies of abuse victims that did not take such a threat seriously.

Get help.

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
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You MUST protect yourself.

Have you let his parents know about these problems?

The places where he buys his liquor should pay attention to the minimum drinking age laws. Here it is 21.

You can not make this boy rescue himself. However, you can rescue yourself.

Joined: Oct 2000
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Originally Posted by cinderella
Have you let his parents know about these problems?

Have you let YOUR PARENTS know about this problem?

You love a drunk.
That is your issue.
Go to AL-Anon - look it up on the web.
Find a meeting.
Keep going to meetings.

CALL your parents and ask for their support.

Pep

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
C
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Yeah, that too!!

Listen to Pep!!!


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