Kag I understand your anger and frustration when it comes to your kids...wether we like it or not this is not the kids fight..I know WH doesn't deserve to see them but they need to see him and make their own decisions,its very difficult keeping OP totally out of the picture.My WH is drinking heavily which the kids don't like so my lawyer stated in my papers that if WH abuses alcohol while he has the kids he will have supervised visitations by the court!!!He has been better.

Believe me when I tell you your boys will ALWAYS chose you over WH.This month my WH decided not to give me money and I had to explain to boys there was no extra money for luxuries etc..my DS15 has run up his cellphone account to(in dollars)$150!!WH pays the account directly from his bank account his going to freek!!Its normally around $20..

You're lucky your brothers a lawyer..hang in there..
WH has to live with himself and what he has done to you and your boys for the rest of his life you can hold your head up high and know you are a better person...keep telling yourself this and you might find some peace within yourself,I did.

Being a spiritual person you will know the universal law...
What you give out you receive tenfold...let it be positive energy as hard as it is to do..challenge yourself to rise above this..don't give away your POWER.
Be the better person...you will come out on top in the end.

Kag keep venting here you doing great.Let all your frustrations out, this is a real rollercoaster ride..

We are all in different stages of this ride so our emotions are not always in sync with one another if you know what I mean...no one can judge you for how you feel at any given time..we've ALL been there or will get there!!!!Its a process......

The really, really, really, sad part here is that they are justifying their behavior as spiritual. They are 'meant' to be together and their happiness will lift everyone up around them. I want to puke.

I do have faith that I am struggling for a reason and things will get better. Especially dealing with my son and all his medical challenges. I have become so strong. I just have to let go of WH....he feels like poison to my life.

He will be served this week at work by a sheriff. I HAVE to do this to protect my kids and assets. I will send a letter to his parents(who have been supportive of me in the past) telling them I have no choice. Also copying the 'file' of letters from OW so they know what they are dealing with. He will get so screwed in this divorce financially and custody wise, I really don't think he has a clue.

I am taking the position that WH and OW are mentally unstable. If OW comes near my kids I am dragging WH into the court room and will nail him to the wall. That is what gets my fight up, instead of feeling like a freakin doormat, my kids.

I can't believe I am dealing with two lunatics! "Their love is like no other and can not be denied" good freakin god - do I really have to live this.

I am actually having some pleasure in the sheriff walking into his office to serve him. Don't I get a few licks in?

I really, truly do not see how any of this could ever turn around. SH wants me to send a post divorce serving letter, like a plan B, I just don't know if I can do it.

My friends are all ready to set me up. I am not ready. Although the funny part is my DS(with special needs) has been asking when I am going to get him a step-dad LOL! I told him I am not ready for that.

The sad truth is my heart still is broken. When oh when does that go away?

Kag, I found that as corny as it sounds time does heal us.At the moment you are living in hell.. being constantly tormented by crazy thoughts....feeling like you are going out of your mind..that WH and OP are coming out on tops and you are drowning a slow death...am I close?
You don't deserve this...so why do these things happen to us..the good guys...so we can learn life lessons and spiritually move higher..you know what I mean..I know its irritating to read this but in essence I think this is why these things happen to us..

Its unbelievable how all waywards think they are soulmates.My WH looked me in the eyes and with a sincere look on his face said"we (him and OP)are two wounded souls!"I thought I was going insane.OP's EXH was supposedly a horrible guy as I am in WH's mind.He still blames me for his affair!!

She understands him..and I don't after 26 yrs together.laughable.You know this is just not logically right.FOG,FOG,FOG!!
Anyway,just know WH is in his own hell of sorts too...
At least you have a fighting spirit and a good support system to help you through this.
When is your sons op?

Funny you use that terminology....when I asked him to leave I told him it felt like I was cutting off the anchor that was tied to my foot drowning me. After I cut it I floated to the top and could breathe. So the seperation has definetly made it easier, mostly because we were in false recovery and he was flip-flopping weekly. THEN I thought I was going to lose it. Plan B saved my life.

He gets served this week....

I have pulled out every piece of furniture that we purchased together and stuck in the garage for him to pick up. I have been slowly redecorating my house to seem more like me and my boys without his influence. However, I may even sell the house for a completely fresh start.

I got a new car...that is a start!

I woke up at 4 am the other morning stewing in my own juices. Decided to write a letter to my in-laws about filing for D and including copies of the letters from OW. I want them to be clear that OW and WH are completely fogged out. Also told them that things will probably get ugly during D and I will fight WH to keep OW away from my kids even if it means WH losing visitation. We will see how that goes over.

Should be an interesting week, right before mother's day.

Hi Kag,

Do you want to save your marriage?

~Julie

Accepting the inevitable and moving forward. It was Steve that told me to file for D, without it I have no protection.

I view it like my son, NO I absolutely did not want a child that required life saving surgeries and will require surgeries until he is an adult. BUT that is what it is....better to accept and move forward, learn and grow. I don't want a divorce but it is what it is....I can't force WH to wake up or to love me, I can only accept and move on.

I get that, and I agree w/him especially considering (if I recall correctly) there is no LSA where you are. But I was wondering if you would like to save your marriage.

I just don't know anymore. Beginning to think he was/is right, we aren't suited for each other. We have definetly changed in our value/moral belief system.

I think the healthiest thing for me to do is to move on without him.

The heartache will end at some point....the anger will subside. I need to plan my future for myself and my kids without him.

Had trouble getting out of bed this morning, don't know if I am getting sick or just depressed.

I keep reminding myself in a year things will look a lot better.

Kag,why are you giving furniture away to him?Surely you can sell it and get some money for it instead of giving it to WH.
It doesn't sound like money is a problem to you..if so you're lucky not to be reliant on WH.
IMO moving so fast with the divorce is not going to make you move any faster through these awful emotions we go through.WH and OP aren't going to go away as much as we want them to!!

You won't be spiteing him either as his in the FOG.I do understand your stance about wanting to protect your kids from OP though.
Do you think he will be shocked when he gets the papers?
Also how have your close married couple friends reacted towards him?

When I spoke with SH he said sometimes there is a reaction to the D sometimes it goes over like a thud. I am expecting a thud, so no don't think he will be shocked.

I have to move fast because of custody, physical and legal. With my son's surgery coming up I need the legal ability to sign the papers without constantly contacting him. Had a long talk with SH about this since it is pretty unusual. Also all kinds of therapies and other tests...it is a weekly thing of decisions.

Also even though I do have finanicially 'backing' I want to seperate my name from all joint accounts. He does not know how to handle money and I don't want my credit destroyed. I want my will changed as well. Plus I will be inheriting a substantial sum some day and wouldn't it be a kick in the pants if he and OW got half?

It takes 14 months before I am free financially and legally have custody. We only get temp orders after filing, it is quite a process

So WH has seemed to cut off all communication through intermediary.....must of figured out I found his file of love letters from OW. Oh well he'll get over it. I guess he is just going to be a pain about the kid's schedule.

My oldest me WH at his office, sort of a PTSD reaction for me since that is where OW resides. Of course I had to ask DS about who he met at office and where WH's office was now. (I know why don't I just let it go?) WH at least told the truth about moving to another floor(didn't help though). And it doesn't seem like he introduced DS to OW.....which would have glued me to the ceiling.

Papers haven't been filed....goes to court, to attorney, back to court....ridiculous! I need to cut finanical ties soon, his apt. has doubled our expenses, we can't afford it.

Just feeling sad today ....

I much prefer anger

Does anyone else have a post traumatic stress reaction ie panic attack when they see their WS car or phone number coming in or go back their office...etc. I wish this would end. I think I start panicking associating these things with more pain coming...?

OH yea, definitely. It's easy/hard to fix though: not be around for it. Triggers are everywhere and the most predictable ones are when H picks up/drops off and when he calls. So, I'm not near the windows/door or phone. It's hard to force myself not to do that (and the urge to eaves-drop used to be pretty strong, but it goes away - cuz I'm sure I looked pretty stupid peering over the corner as DS talked to H on the phone...PLUS, I never got anything from these efforts!) but since the times are pretty predictable it's an easy habit to pick up. And my kids are great - DS will run up to his room to talk on the phone & knows I'm not in sight when he gets in the house from a drop off. I protect the kids, they protect me. It's a beautiful thing, really.

So WH thought I was taking funds out of joint account....I wasn't I was just transfering between checking and savings. I have always been the one to manage our accounts, pay the bills, file our taxes etc. I was a CPA before my youngest son with special medical needs was born. Anyhoooo....he emails saying he has redirected his paycheck into his own account and taken 5K on our credit card to put in his personal accounts.

So after being served this monday we go to emergency court hearing for child support since he has pulled everything. Isn't life grand?

Then he comments that Steve H is ruining us by having no contact. I said what US????? It is you and the OW what are you talking about? This is thru IM which came thru cuz of financially emergency.

HOW DID ALL THIS HAPPEN? I thought I was going to grow old with this person....I gave 23 years of my life to this person. Where did he go? I am so very sad again.....yet people just don't get how I can be sad...why aren't you pissed as all hell? Why not screw him to the wall...? I am angry, but this was the love of my life, it is hard to let go.

WH served today, as predicted went over with a thud. Had to do it for custodial and financial reasons, no LS in MA. And actually having a legal format for visitation and finances will reduce the number of emails thru IM. So I will be even darker.

Soooo while WH probably is currently over with OW celebrating, I am sobbing.

This may be crazy but I am listening to every love song on the radio....trying to force all the pain up and out.

Decided I am going to be really really nice to myself. Let the house get dirty, so what if the kids are dirty and watching too much TV, let the weeds grow, let the paperwork pile up, maybe get a manicure and pedicure. (trying to avoid shop therapy) Visit good friends. I have always taken care of everyone else...now I need the care.

Kag I feel for you..
Your marriage is far from over....try be strong..remember this is a Battle.
I think its an excellent idea to be with close friends,being alone allows you too much time to sit and think which makes you more depressed.
Hang in there...keep posting

Hope,

Certainly feels that way going forward with D. Although there are some crazy rumblings from the other side.... How do you deal with friends/family that would like to 'kill' WH?