Honestly, he did it before I had the opportunity. She left on a Fri. while I was out of town for the day, Mon. at 9am, our pastor made the call. I found out that he had an hour or so later. Not saying that I'm certain I would have, but he did it for me.

AW3,

Don't believe one single word your W says. I'm sure she is telling you that OM's ex is wanting to get together so that she and all the kids and OM can hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

I mean, why aren't you willing to just let her go and join them in singing?

Geez. You're at it again!

Your kids need to know the FULL TRUTH. Mom has a boyfriend. You aren't supposed to have a boyfriend when you're married and she is violating the 6th commandment.

That is all you need to say. You don't have to say anything else. They can draw their own conclusions.

You can't really plan A her if she's gone already. Your next step is to plan B, which means going dark. Quit talking to her completely and find someone to help communicate with her and be an intermediary.

Don't just take my word for it. This requires you write a Plan B letter, which there are many examples of.

Going quiet will drive her nuts and force her to get all her needs met by OM.

You should also conatct OM's wife. Don't believe what your W says about OM's wife. I'm sure she's the Wicked Witch from the West and the worst woman to have ever walked the Earth while OM is a saint to have been married to such a monster.

So you, Godzilla, and her, Mothra, need to get together and share notes so you can find the full truth.

Do you know if you have alienation of affection suits in your state? Worth looking into.

You mean you told them about the adultery but just didn't NAME the OM? I don't understand. How could they know about adultery but not know there is an OM?

NO, I confirmed that she was contrary to the Bible and what they had been taught by leaving. They don't know about OM!

That doesn't tell me anything, ab. Waywards are liars and for all we know, this was some ruse to trick your W into thinking his wife doesnt care. Or your wife lied about the call.

Have you tried directory assistance, www.peoplefinder.com, or www.zabasearch.com?

This could be a GREAT LEAD if the OM is married and is carrying on an affair. Remember, if he is married, he would LIE about the state of his marriage. That goes with the territory.

If you can't get her # from any of the above, call this P.I. that some of us have used. He is very reasonable. Ask for Frank Music http://www.frankmusicinvestigations.net/

You mean they don't know HIS NAME?? Who do they think she is having an affair with?

AW3,

Do you have OMW's number?

You need to call and compare notes.

Believe nothing your W says. I was told more lies than I can count. They are good at them.

And tell your kids that mom has a boyfriend. They have a right to know the full truth.

Yes, that is your final exposure.

She will tell them that he has nothing to do with why she is leaving you.

They will form their own opinions.

And pay the $100 to get a PI to run a background check on OM. That should reveal the OMW's name and her contact info.

I've run a background check and got all kinds of stuff on the other person from his name, addresses, parent's name, lawsuits they were involved in, and criminal record (luckily there wasn't one).

$100 gets you lots of info.

Quit will all of the Biblical double-speak and tell them the PLAIN truth ... and try the WHOLE truth this time also.

Tell your children about their mother's BF.

They deserve to know the truth. It will be the truth that will help them to begin to cope w/ what is happening to them.

Your WW is already trying to put the blame on YOU.

She's already suggesting that there were evil things you did to her after they went to bed that caused her to leave.

They need to know the truth.

They need to know that they can count on their father to do right by them...not doubt the only parent they have who has demonstrated faithfulness to them.

And make no mistake about it, your WW will continue to try to cast you in an evil light to them.

Tell them the whole truth.

So if I got this timeline down correctly, your D-Day was on the 2nd of May and you are now 14 days into this.

That seems about the average amount of time that the betrayed are in a fetal position incapable of real action or moving with a plan. Give or take.

Times up.

The only way you can save your marriage is to be willing to risk losing it, trying to save it. If your fear of losing your wife is so great that you will not do anything, then you will soon live your greatest fear.

Go back and re-read your entire thread. There has been great support and information for how you can fight for your marriage. And you must fight if you have any chance at all.

Tell your kids the whole truth. Now.
Get full legal protection now.
Man up for your children and attack your wife’s adultery. NOW.

You can do this. Fighting hard for your family is the right thing to do. You are their only surviving parent right now. Fight for them.

Aband,

Wow, contrary to the Bible, huh?

So did she, umm, take the Lord's name in vain? or is she coveting your neighbor's husband or his house? Has she been stealing??

Come on Dude be HONEST with your children! I can feel their confusion from here!!

I agree with the action folks. You need to stir up the pot. Track down the OM's W and get the skinny.

Being pro-active will make you feel better too.

IMHO

kirk

the average amount of time that the betrayed are in a fetal position incapable of real action or moving with a plan. Give or take.

Times up.

TOTALLY AWESOME POST

TIME IS FRICKEN UP!!!

kirk

Your children need to be told their mom is having an affair and who the OM is.

Not some bible gobbley goop: mom is sinning, or mom is leaving

FINALLY GUYS...I get it! Actually, my "fetal position" days were this past Fri-Mon. Those days are now behind me (I hope forever).

You have accused me of taking no real action. You have said that I am "too nice." You are completely correct, but I now see that if I don't take a stand for myself and my children, who will?...certainly not W!

I will contact OM's W somehow...even if it costs me the $100 one of you mentioned.

I will speak to someone TODAY anout being the intermediary between my W and I and compose my PBL (I'll post it for review later this evening).

I will PUT HER THINGS IN BOXES for her to pick up Sun. morning when she arrives. BTW, I asked her who was coming to help her get her things, she mentioned several family members and then said, "Well, I did have another friend (OM) offer, but I didn't think you'd appreciate that. I told her to bring him on over...THEY"LL NEVER FIND THE BODY! (JK, LOL)" We live in a very rural area by a creak!

I will tell my children TODAY exactly what their mother's been up to and give them the name of OM for future reference.

I will refuse to be her doormat ever again. If R is ever to occur, it will now be on MY terms.

I will speak, once again, to my attorney and file any necessary papers to legalize my custody and bolster my financial security.

I will speak with adoptions in my state and inform then that I will now be adopting this precious little 2 year old ALONE.

I am now beyond the hurt, fear, and heartbreak that this has caused. I am now angry (this is new to me). I must accept that I am currently married to a 3-time cheater w/ co-dependency issues. My wife is spoiled (by me), selfish, and completely oblivious to the pain she is causing in so many. She is in a "me-first" mode and is currently incapable of seeing beyond herself. She is denying the very faith that we have always taught our children, and is now critical of all of those who have attempted to tell her "the truth" and calls them judgemental. Her moral compass (as well as her emotional one) is now fixed solely on OM, just because he wears the title of "chaplain." If she does not wake up soon, and very soon, OM may well be all that she has left. It is obvious that she has already lost the repect of everyone she once held dear, especially her children! If this is REALLY the person I married, I deserve better! I'm not ready for Plan D just yet, but I definitely need to switch to Plan B for my own sanity and for the children I so treasure!

Gosh, MK, is that a pair of round things I see dropping from AW3?

This is good.

Do all you described. But don't fool yourself. You will second guess everything when it comes to game time and wonder if you're doing the right thing.

YOU ARE!

Don't fall back to being the whimpering fetal position guy.

Be Papa Bear!

Papa Bear is to be respected! Papa Bear protects his young!

AWESOME plan to have all her crap outside for her. Don't answer the door. Don't answer her calls. It would be great to have that Plan B letter on top of her stuff.

Go AW3!

I think he ought to use the Biblical term ADULTERY rather than affair, b/c he is a believer and is raising his son to be one as well.

Your contempt for Christianity has nothing to do w/ ab.

I agree. Having it all outside on the porch, and you gone, with new locks on the doors so she can't get in, and the letter on top, will be very embarrassing for her and her friends. Go for it!

Feel the strength...it's coming back. This is a BATTLE. Honestly there is no other way to describe this. View it as such. Know that you are your kids' defender. Fight for them.

I think you're gettin' it!!!!!

Will you do that ab?

Will you put her things outside? Including the furniture?

Not let her in the home?

I REALLY hope you will.