And please tell more about her comment that all of her relationships end like this. Does she have a history of moving on to the next man instead of working on relationships?

My husband could have written your original post two years ago. From the perspective of a formerly wayward wife, I'd have to definitely agree that your wife is having an affair (emotional or physical? Not sure...but definitely an affair).

I would agree that you should probably stop confronting her until you take some time to gather evidence. SNOOP. GPS in her car. Voice activated recorder in her car. Keylogger on the home computer. PI if you can afford it (<--best bet).

Start working on your Plan A:
- stop the lovebusters
- start trying to meet her emotional needs (the ones she will let you meet, anyway)
- start working on improving yourself (go to the gym, get a hobby, work on forgotten projects)
- continue to spend "alone" time with her if she will do it...try to do only things she wants to do right now and try to make it fun
- stop the "relationship" talk, talks about the future, etc
- start reading: Love Busters, His Needs/Her Needs, Surviving an Affair (don't let your wife see this one until she admits it)

If you confront her without evidence, she will not only deny, deny, deny, but she will go further underground and make it more difficult for you to find any evidence at all. She will be much more careful. Unfortunately, you need to back off a little bit so she will let her guard down and you will be able to "catch" her.

Good luck, Cathy

Yes, that is what she told me but the previous was never committed like our marriage. She told me they all ended with her not loving them anymore.

But did she cheat?

We talked about that early in our relationship and she said that she never cheated and never would consider doing something like that.

Oh good, so at least she apparently isn't a serial cheater.

I'm thinking it is an emotional affair with a guy she works with.

Many, many betrayed spouses here on this forum say that their spouse was the last person that anyone would expect to cheat on their marriage partner. Please know that just because she said she--did not and would not--means nothing. Do not let the idea that she--would not do that--side track you.

I forgot to ask how long you have been married and are there any children?

It will be 5 years in September and no children just two small dogs.

Me too.

And has she been married before?

No and nor have I. During our initial phases of our relationship and building up to marriage we both discussed what it meant to make the move to getting married. We both shared the same value that you only do it once. She’s not much for communication. It’s really all me as the force of communication; I’m very open and truly want to share. She’s quieter and to herself type of person.

And what has she been up to while you are posting here?

I suggest you spend some quality time with her this week with no relationship talk.

She went to a gun range and then to the grocery store. She’s gone to the gun range last Sunday and then today. She’s seems to really enjoy the hobby. She got interested in it when my Uncle took us and his son sometime ago. When she got home she showed me the targets and told me all about how she performed- she seemed rather happy. We had a snack together and talk some more about misc. stuff like restaurants and places we’ve traveled. She’s now cleaning her closet. She tells me that she needs time to herself and she wants to be alone so I’m unsure of how to engage. I try to talk to her as much as I can when she’s with me but she seems to get mad and claims I hover if I follow her around so to speak– if that makes sense. She’s recently (past two weeks) told me that I’m suffocating and that she needs her time and space.

Go out and do something. She thinks you are suffocating her because she is having an affair.

And I suggest you say nothing, but show up at the gun range next week, and see who else is there.

Actually I enjoy going to the gun range. Somehow it seems to lift all of the tension, and I feel GREAT afterward. But I would still check on her. It only takes a minute at the range to hit some targets, and then she has time away for other things.

I will be completely surprised if she doesn't either have a man with her, target shooting, or is using that for an excuse to get away for a couple of hours.

But this is something you can verify.

Go running, or go out with a friend, and don't tip your hand. This is like war - don't let the enemy know your battle plans.

This certainly sounds like an affair to me.

My H carried on his affair ENTIRELY(except for 2 occasions) at WORK for one full year. People just don't believe that's possible, but it definitely is.

Except for those 2 occasions, I could account for his basic whereabouts the whole time.

His cell phone turned out to be the key, but I missed it.

He said the same things your W has said. "I want to be with you. ....No, I want to go..... hmmm, I don't know what I want....you are smothering me.....I need to be alone.....blah, blah, blah."

He bought me the BEST present he has ever bought me in the midst of the affair and gave me romantic cards for the appropriate holidays.

My H also told me he would never cheat. He had never cheated on anyone before. Cheating was AWFUL. How could anyone possibly carry on two lives like that????? It would be too much work.
We had several discussions about this both before and after we were married.

I asked him if he was cheating. He told me unequivocally," No, I am not cheating on you WH2LE".

After I had solid evidence that he WAS cheating, he told me was NOT cheating. WSs lie. Period.

I looked for help on the internet but did not find MB till AFTER D-Day. I wish I had it found it sooner. I might have been able to speed the end of the A before it went so far.

Listen carefully to what the vets are telling you. Do what they tell you to do. They have seen this over and over and over.

I would be very leery of the gun range thing. Next time she wants to go, ask if you can come along too. Watch her reaction carefully.

Consider hiring a PI.

I can tell you that it may be "just" an EA or even heavy duty infatuation at this point. Many women "live" in their heads. I suppose men do too, but being a woman, I am familiar with what women tell me. Feeling that you are smothering her and wanting to do things by herself might just be ways that she can be alone to spin the fantasy in her head. If you are there, she has to pay attention to you. Do not underestimate how DANGEROUS this fantasy life is though!! It is only a small step from a fantasy to reality.

Also, don't think this is just a phase that she will work through. This a very serious problem whether it is a PA, or EA, whether it is just a fantasy in her head right now or a reality.

You have come to the right place.

Good luck,
WH2LE

Oh yeah, even better idea to just SHOW UP a tthe gun range.

See, the vets KNOW!!!!!

WH2LE

I think the cleanest approach is to hire a PI to go to the gun range.

Yes, a PI at the gun range, or maybe a friend. The gun range is not the best place to discover an affair.

How did it happen that she is going alone? If uncle introduced the two of you to shooting, how did it come up again? It sure sounds like it could be a place she meets someone, or an excuse to get away to meet someone.