My H and I divorced a year ago, after four years of marriage( 2nd for both, 5 children from previous marriages; no children together)
We were both hurting from unmet needs, and eventually the love banks ran dry. We just couldn't seem to make it work, although we both loved each other. He decided that divorce was our only option and while I disagreed, I didn't want to be where I was not wanted. He was finished and I didn't have the strength to hold us together by myself. We signed the papers and I moved my 3 children 2500 miles, back home. I was absolutely heartbroken and devastated. I have never in my life felt so much pain. It was all I could do just to breathe. I had nothing. No home, no car, no job.......nothing. To top things off, my H took up with a woman almost immediately following my move, started dating her, and eventually slept with her once(after the divorce was final). I found out about this 'relationship' from a neighbor shortly after I moved away. Of course, this about killed me. I wanted nothing to do with him when I found out he was spending time with this woman. I ended all contact, except what was absolutely necessary. I spent the next 8 months just trying to survive.
A few months ago, my now ex-H poured out his heart to me in a cpl emails. We began talking on the phone, where he confessed this relationship(he had denied it when I confronted him before). He was remorseful and broken and genuinely sorry for the pain it caused me. We have spent countless hours on the phone, working through a lot of the issues we seemingly couldn't work through before. Much healing has taken place, and we are trying to move forward. We still love each other deeply and believe that our divorce was a huge mistake.
We both have hurts from our marriage that need healing, but we are committed to working through those together. We want to re-build our marriage.
Unfortunately, we have some pretty big road blocks in our way. Besides being divorced, I moved 2500 miles back to my hometown, across the US border. I can't just pack up and move back. I really have no desire to go back to that house or community. There is just too much pain associated with it. I want a fresh start. I also don't want to move my children again. They've been through enough. So......
Is this workable? Are we just setting ourselves up for heartbreak again? How can we re-build a marriage when we live 2500 miles apart?

No


Yes


You can't.


While painful, your EX husband sleeping with a woman AFTER your divorce is really none of your business. The problem lies in that he was most likely doing it BEFORE the divorce.

Do NOT put your kids through more stress. Focus ONLY on being a good parent and let this toxic relationship die the death that began some time ago. It is easy to work through problems on the phone...2500 miles apart. You were married for four years and it didn't work. Don't risk another heartache and upsetting your children's lives. It's over.

I'm with MEDC, I would move on. And I also think the affair was going on during the marriage and was the cause of some of the problems. Your husband left you alone with no job, no home, no money and you would consider taking another spin with him?

Mine has been wanting to get back together, but his behavior during the affair was just too atrocious.

If a man had some decency about things, continued providing and was half-way honorable, I might reconsider. But your ex had his chance to show you what he is made of.

Ouch. But thanks for the replies. He assures me that nothing happened until after the divorce was final. It just doesn't make it any easier.

I read some on the other woman board, and it is very common for an affair to be going on, and the partner never to find out. These cheaters are a tricky bunch. They have an affair, hide it well, get divorces, and then pretend that they have just met each other. They do it so the spouse doesn't get furious, and their friends and family don't think poorly of them.

It is unusual for someone just to want a divorce out of the blue, and to go through getting it so suddenly, unless there is an affair.

After you get comfortable being alone, start looking around for a man who deserves you. I'm old and nothing special to look at, but have found there are lots of nice men around.