I often wish I had a crystal ball, too, Brown..but this is REAL LIFE...

LIFE IS WONDERFUL, Brown..GOD-GIVEN..

Don't let a MAN rob you of LIFE'S JOY...

I understand your yearning for your HUSBAND...

But NO MAN is worth trading in the GIFT OF LIFE..NO MAN...

Now don't you see how you must GROW to LOVE YOURSELF...that is an important and valuable lesson for you...

I don't know where you live but this time of year where I am, I LOVE watching FLOWERS grow...FLOWERS GROWING seem like GOD speaking to me..They tell me that HE is ALL-POWERFUL and IN CONTROL..how else can there be anything soo beautiful in intricacy as a FLOWER..

HE is watching over and taking care of YOU..TRUST and have FAITH in HIM only...that HE will see you through this..HE will be holding you in HIS ARMS when you speak with your MIL...

Hi Browneyes..

Mimi is right don't let what your wayward says to you to heart, he's not thinking clearly.

My hubby told me and I quote " F-26 I don't want to waste another 24 years" me "you feel that the last 24 years where wasted?" him "well not all of them" OUCH.

He would say things like I don't love you like I use to.

I'd ask him if there where things that he wish he had done in/with his life, he said no, I have everything I ever wanted I just don't want it anymore (nice)

Mimi is right, what he is saying is right out of the wayward spouse handbook.

I know it hurts like he!!, but right now you have to be stronger then ever.

Yes sign up for the run, look good and smile and wave at him and just do your run/walk what ever.

Like your WH my hubby felt negeleted, with us it was with our grown children still living at home. He felt they always came first, he wanted us to start enjoying our life alone. Throw in him turning 45, midlife crisis in full force add a new girl at work who was willing to bring ballons and flowers to his pity part and bingo you have an affair...

But you can do this,, we are doing so good right now, yes I messed up a lot, but I learned and I grew and you can too..

Hugs f-26

This was MY STORY, too, Faithful...

Mimi - I have just found it so hard to reconnect with God. I can't understand why he keeps on testing my faith. I had a very tough childhood, my mom was a schipzophrenic. I looked after her, then she developed kidney failure, TB and strokes.
She then died and that was hard. My H then had an emotional affair with some woman but i never knew until 6 months later. I lost our baby due to the stress of finding out. Just as I was trying to get my life in order this happens. What have i done wrong?

Yes faithful - i can see the pattern,, i hear the same, that he doesn't want to waste his life any longer. 'I don't love you in that way any longer.'

Seems like my H is having his midlife crisis at 35.

So this is his second affair and you've only been married 6 years? How old are you?

IGNORE his babble. He is doing what they all do. The affair will end and he will want to come back.

My ex was completely gone, living with his soulmate, and done with me. The affair ended and he wants me back.

I NEVER in a million years thought this would happen. People here on MB told me it would, but I didn't believe it.

Odds are waaaayyyyyyyyy in your favor. You just have to get through this right now, and preserve your love for him.

I am 31.
Yes the first affair wasn't a physical one as such

I hope so B. I am trying to stay positive but never knew it wud be so hard. Sadly enough i resent looking after my dad now which must make me a very bad person

Browneyes I don't believe God does this to us. We live in a fallen world and all those things that happen to us just happens.I don't believe that God sits in heaven and hits us over the head with bad things just to see how we react.

I don't know how to explain how I believe, I had to come to terms with the fact that although the things that happen are not always in God's will, but yet he does allow it to happen to us.

I had to realise that God is not a genie in the bottle and that no matter how bad I wanted God to hit my FWH with a lightening bolt (ok a small, small one ) and make him come to his senses it doesn't work that way. God cannot force a person, He gave us free will and although he trys to guide us it has to be our choice. What I believe is that no matter what my FWH did or didn't do, God would be there and give me the strength I needed.

Don't get me wrong it took me along time to get to that point, I threw hissy fits to God, I cryed until I had no tears left, I thought long and hard about suicide, it was a horrible chapter in my life,, but hey it's only one chapter and the rest of the book ain't finished yet and I refuse to allow that chapter take over the whole book!

It seem so dark now but it does get better..

F-26

PS Mimi it's nice to find a kindred spirit

F26 - I guess i am just confused on how god acts, and how our actions have an impact on us.
What bothers me - is how can the OW not have a conscious, how does she justify this to herself, also does god not intervene in any way.
My brother's wife told me that god only helps those who help themselves and that if my WH is not willing to open his heart to God and the truth then i can't help him much.
I don't believe my H is a bad person, he does help a lot of people so why is he so lost

You are losing yourself.

The thing about taking care of your dad really struck me. My dad died last November. I took time off work to care for him for 4 months, and I am STILL in trouble with my boss at work. My boss would like to get rid of me. And he still might.

I've worked at the same place for 25 years. And it hurts me everyday that this is what it has come to.

But I can tell you that I am GRATEFUL for the time that I had with my father. I don't care what happens. If I could do it over again, I would do the same thing.

Your marriage may or may not recover (I think it will). But you need to dig deep into your heart and know that you have done your very best. Stay true to your values. Don't let Satan rob you of those.

B so sorry about your dad - it must be hard. I am losing the plot. I am beginning to question myself and my actions as if i am in the wrong. H actually makes me feel bad for wanting this marriage. I know that I may have my faults but i don't believe i am a bad person.
I never meant to hurt anyone. I know that even if the OW was in trouble i would try to help her bcos that is wat i am like, despite all the pain she has given me. But the pain is unbearable

(((Browneyes)))

Sounds like you are doing much better??? You don't sound nearly as all over the place as before.

If you continue with Mimi, let her help you guide you through this (especially listen to her about "plans"....it gives you a focus and goals....very good in this crazy messed up sitch...) you will come out in very good shape.

B is unbelievable too....her story helped me many many times. Even though hers did not have the outcome I was wanting, it showed me that yes ALL WAYWARDS ARE THE SAME.....and that I make it through all of this.

Now, you WS is telling you all the same things every other WS has said. Don't belive me....just read up on others stories...this was crucial to me because I thought I was alone...go to find out I wasn't and that WS and his BOW were not even unique!!!! It helped me alot....and it actually started to become funny. Seriously, he would say something like "its too little too late" and I would have to fight not to laugh in his face because I had just read where another WS said the same thing.

And as far as him saying "it' over, just accept it"......mine told me "you just wanted what was no longer yours"....hogwash to them both....they will continue in their GRANDE FOGGINESS was awhile. I know it hurts....so you call up someone close and cry on their shoulder (I had my sis....seriously, she got calls at 2am....) or come on here and let it all out. We can handle it....heck, most of the time I did both......

This affair will end. My WS did and we are now navigating recovery. Oh....and Mimi and everyone is right when they say exposure helps. It does. I did expose, my WS lied to everyone, eventually I caught them two and that speeded up the process.....BIG TIME....BOW had to look at me and see what SHE did....not a good thing.....

Hang in there......

not2fun

First of all Browneyes don't waste your time trying to fiqure out what the OW is thinking, she only has her own intrest at heart. I use to go round and round on that one, trying to make sense out of it, but you know what? there is no sense to it.

The FOW in my case was no newbie to the affair world my hubby was her third MM, yep third.

What is your hubby thinking? He's not, he's just chasing a fantasy it is not real. I am sure your hubby is a good man, but, as the other posters have said it's like they are Jekell and Hyde(sp?).

Your sil is only seeing her brother's side, and God has been known to pull off a few miracles, start praying for wisdom, start praying for guidance, and pray that God softens your WH's heart.

Listen to Mimi and the other posters, try to stay positive.

F-26

Hi N, i do have good days and bad days. But you are right they all seem to say the same things. It's almost like they read it off some manual. My WH also said, "you just want which is no longer yours," and then he pointed out to me that he is now hers. They become so selfish and self centred that they dont even consider how much it hurts.

Why bother your mind about the OW? I can tell you this for sure. TODAY she is your ENEMY and is out to destroy you and your marriage. She is A THIEF. Who knows or cares WHY she is like this. For sure, it is due to SELFISHNESS. She is looking out for herself to your utter detriment. She does not have a care about YOU.

In my belief, GOD takes care of those who have TRUST and FAITH in HIM. It's HIS PLAN. He is in charge on how and when that HE intervenes.

EXACTLY!! That's how come YOUR focus needs to be on YOU and YOUR PLAN.

Step 1: Call your ILs as soon as possible..

You are right F26. God is always on the side of the truthful, and i haven't done anything to be ashamed of.
I will try harder to pray.
I love you all!

And what about withdrawing those papers?

Brown,

We are encouraging YOU to TAKE ACTION!!