Good evening everyone....

Well, I am starting a new thread....and hopefully my LAST one. This will center around recovery. Now, I know you all will wonder why its not on the Recovery Forum, but I began here and I want to end here. Also, I hardly EVER look at the other forums and the most traffic is here....so GQII is where I am staying.....

Well, WS and I are doing well so far. Oh I have my moments of doubts, even almost ended it all last night, but I didn't and fixed it....major mistake and a LB to boot...have learned and will not do that again.

WS and I are spending TONS of time together. It probably helps that I am on a leave of absence from work (all stemming from the cruise....) and he owns his own business. He has called everyday and invited me to lunch, which has been nice. Very nice. We are talking well. There are times of uncomfortable silences but we are both putting forth the effort. He has also been here almost every night, and when he hasn't I have been at his place.

Today, we went to lunch, and this evening we went to the movies(don't waste your money on the new Indiana Jones movie....terrible...). Afterwards he came over and we spent time watching TV. It was a very lovely day. I enjoyed nearly every moment of it. It was nice.

So, we are trying to meet each others EN's, spending loads of time together, and making plans. We have a long way to go and lots of work to still be done, but I am very hopeful at this point. NC is in place and by the looks of things, has remained that way.....

So just wanted to update you all.......I will link my other threads as soon as Mark gets back to me on how to do it....

Thanks again for being there.....

not2fun

^5 N2F!

Good afternoon everyone......

Well, the trip into recoveryville is nice. Not exactly smooth sailing, but nonetheless, nice.

Yesterday was an another amazing day. We did some errand running together. We had a nice trip to the mall and had lunch. We did have a rocky conversation about BOW, which actually started out talking about his business, but we quickly got off that subject (nothing like a timely call from dad.... ;)). Then last night we took a lovely drive out to the country. That was REALLY nice. It was fun just enjoying the scenery and just being together. We didn't talk, but it was a comfortable silence.

Unfortunately, things didn't end well, because I found a card in the car. I got hurt, WS tried to play it off which then made me mad....and so the evening didn't end well. We still haven't quite sorted it out, but this maybe one of those things that doesn't get sorted out. Trying to put the resentment on hold....this morning I woke up to the refridgerator broken, car with a flat, and crazy kiddies....ahhhh....life does not stop just because of A's...

WS and I had a pleasant afternoon. Right now he is at the movies with the kiddies while I get some work done and then later we are going to HOOTERS to watch the UFC fights (he loves that stuff and I have watched enough with him these past few years I don't mind...not my favorite but I don't hate it either....now football....I'm ALL about it....). I'm going to have my GODDESSS grove on and it will be great....

not2fun......still loving posting under my old name....

OHHHHHH.....I forgot to mention one VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL.....


I started the Chantix today.....YEAH......so in ONE WEEK...count 'em....7 days....I will be smoke free.....yeah.....and then the VERY CRUX of my Plan A will be accomplished.....woo hoo.......

not2fun

Hey Not,

Just wanted to give you a friendly warning about Chantix. There has been a lot of talk about how taking it can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. This is not something someone in early recovery needs. Please be very careful with this drug. Pfizer actually just revised the warning label because of these potential side effects. Here's a link about it:

Chantix warning label changed by Pfizer

Want2Stay


p.s. Not, I feel your pain being a smoker too, I just wanted to make sure you were aware of the risks.

Same here N2F ALSO be very AWARE of the side effects. My sister and alot of folks that tried that have had severe side effects!

Good luck with stopping. The nicorette gum cinaminion(sp) is pretty good!

I took it for 90 days, almost immedidatly following D-Day. I experienced no side effects... It worked for me.

Thank you for the encouragement all....I have not taken this route lightly. Neither has my DR.. She has me doing phone consultations with her to monitor my progress. She really is a great Dr. who has walked me through my various valleys with me in life. So she knows me pretty well.

As far as side effects, the only one I see right now is the sleepiness. I don't so much feel it when I am awake, but man I could sleep for 10 hrs. a day right now. Hopefully that will wane and none of the other side effects will transpire. I am pretty tolerant to meds. Side effects usually don't become a problem for me...and sometimes yhou have to weigth the outcome with what you get. For me, the outcome is most desirable.

Good afternoon everyone....

Hope you all had a great and relaxing holiday weekend (special shout-out to Amazing....thank you for your duty to us.....thought about you yesterday).

This weekend went ok. WS and I spent all of it together. We saw the fights on Sat. at Hooters, which was a lot of fun (and boy was I GODDESSED up for them....lol). and Sunday was more of a relaxing day. And yesterday, we all cleaned out the garage together. Oh, and WS and I went to the gym. I gained a couple of pounds, so I need to watch myself. Don't want to gain the weight back....Nope...Don't necessarily recommend the A diet, but since I got my weight back off, I had forgotten how good it felt. THAT I would like to see stay around.

Now, WS did make a comment about looking good at the gym (which I know lots of people here may have a problem with, but I do know Mimi would understand this one.....PA is VERY high on my WS needs.....VERY HIGH.....), which I need to do better at. I need to get some new workout clothes. For sure.....

I will have to say I didn't get my GODDESS grove on to well yesterday, but today,....I got it all back into shape....lol....

We are dealing with things pretty good. Sometimes when I don't though, I do wonder if my EXPECTATIONS aren't a little too high, especially this early in R. For all aspects, WS is keeping to his NC. Cell phone records are clean and email is good, so though I do worry about it, I am not seeing anything. Which is very good.....now for me having access to the phone records, I have to keep a very tight reign on myself not to go back and look at past records. I say this, because in doing so would not help us now, and would only serve to give me more resentment, WHICH I do not need at all.....Lord knows I have enough to deal with....and triggers??? I try not to let them get to me too bad. I just try to remember that all I can do is work on today and that for today WS is with me.....can undo the past....

Anyway, this is how it is so far.....I have been keeping up with everyone's post. I will say that it does sadden me to see so many newbies coming in......A's just suck.....

not2fun

Not,

Just checking in while on vacation.

Some might feel you are letting him off the hook too lightly, but I think that recovery is more personal that dealing with and ending the affair. Ultimately, you are the one that has to set the conditions of YOUR recovery and it will be you that has to live with your decisions.

I think you can and will reach a point where recovery will be just a word you once used, but be careful that you don't let him totally off the hook for figuring out what precautions he will take in the future.

Some times an affair is a total abheration and completely out of character for the person having one. But in many cases someone who was once able to justify an affair must reach a point where they deal with life as any addict would, and that is, daily monitoring their own actions and choices to ensure that never again will they make the same errors in judgment.

I'm happy for you. When your H is ready and we'll whip into shape for you.

Back to fishin...

Mark

Hey Mark....how's the fishing going??? Giving ya lots and lots and lots of time to think of the next post you are going to make huh??? A little something for your repair manual???
Anyway, not sure what you mean by this??? Could you expand on that a little more????

Have a great time on your vacation......see ya when ya get back....oh and I'll fax you my fishing order...I love to eat 'em, but hate to catch them......too solitary of a sport for me.....

not2fun

Good morning folks.....

Well, life in Recoveryville is not quite what I "EXPECTED". But then I think everybody's goes a little differently. It's not all bad, mind you, just not what I thought. Of course, I am dealing with a WS in WD, and I, myself, still dealing with hurt and anger issues, but for the most part we are getting along. Mostly advoiding those pesky little LB'S at all costs....lol.

Morning are still hard. Except now I wake up more angry than hurt like before. All par for the course as they say.....but I am working on getting that righted.....

Anyway, just touching base and journeling my journey.....lol....

not2fun

Good afternoon everyone.....

Had lunch with WS again. It was nice. We ate outside where it was beautiful out. I was decked out in my GODDESS form....except for this t-shirt he just bought me. I'm not totally convinced I should wear it, but he likes it....

Anyway, he ordered the flooring piece we needed to finish re-modeling upstairs. yeah....I am so incrediably happy about that....so hopefully that will get here soon.....

Now, he did mention that the new Iphone comes out soon and he wants to get that one. Then he suggested that I could have his old one. I told him politely no thank, and then suggested later that he should sell it.....no affair-phone for me thank you and to get it out of my sight would be great. I don't think he "gets" what that phone means to me, but as long as he gets rid of it....who cares????

Anyway, thinks are going along ok......hitting the gym together tonight so here we go.....

not2fun

GREAT!! THAT'S FUN!!

Good evening folks.....


Yeppers....here in Recoveryville, life is at an all-out-stop. Seems WS and I do well for 3 or 4 days, and then bammm....something happens and we go backwards. I have to wonder if this is normal.

But I actually have a question that I could really use some help on.....

When in the early days of recovery, What is a BS supposed to do when they are triggered by something that brings the A back to their forethoughts? More to the point, what does a BS do with all their feelings of hurt/anger/dispair in these early days???

I realize that I should be concentrating on today and not on the yesterdays, but it is really hard when this is still on my mind. I can control it sometimes, but not all the time. I also know that if I were to bring it up EVERY single time its on my mind, we would get bogged down in the scumminess of it all. Not what I am looking for either.

So, it any of you all have any answers, I'd apprieciate it......

not2fun

Just like I've been telling BROWN..stay away from THE FEELINGS..DO SOMETHING..you can even DO SOMETHING FUN with your H...

I hope you weren't thinking that you can TALK OUT THE FEELINGS with him..or make the AFFAIR go away..the FEELINGS will eventually SUBSIDE as YOU BUILD GOOD MEMORIES in the PRESENT..that's why I said to DO STUFF with him....we went to NEW PLACES that we had never been before..we did NEW STUFF that we had never done together before...KWIM???..STAY BUSY....ACT..DON'T FEEL...

It did help me..BIT by BIT..to have TIME-LIMITED QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSIONS..I would ask questions..he would answer to the extent that he could without the both of us being too distressed..and then we would move on until the NEXT WAVE...THE WALKING WOUNDED...

MImi....

ok that does help....and we HAVE stayed busy. But sometimes the feelings come and I CAN put them on hold or shake them, but sometimes I cant. And then they become overwhelming. It doesn't help that I truly and honestly do not feel like I can come hear and get them out. I don't want to bombard him everytime they come....that I get. It also doesn't help that he doesn't want me talking to my sister about this so now the TWO places I turned to the most seem to be gone. That is VERY DISTRESSING to me.

I like the Q&A thing, but WS is still in this place where he seems to think we should just "forget" it or "just get over" it....very frusterating. Not to mention it make me feel like he is not VALIDATING my feelings. Very hurtful....

ok...done for now....I feel much calmer right now.....

he has done alot to meet some needs and has gone far beyond and above meeting those 15hrs. He has.....and I appriciate that. I'm still struggling with the O&H stuff....WS was never very open to begin with, and I have come to find out that is VERY VERY high need of mine. I know he thinks he is shielding or protecting me when he doesn't share, BUT I find it very infuriating...which brings on feelings of resentment which in turn makes him not want to be open (see the dog chasing his tail here?????)...

Very tricky stuff to navigate through....

not2fun