UTI's often occur after sex with a new partner (called honeymoon cystitis)
http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/sexual_health/sti/uti.htm

Thank you. that is what i suspected, sex with a new partner. I think it is someone from out of town and they get together ever few weeks, more frequent now though. I even think I know who it is, she talks to my sister of all people about him fairly frequently. He is a former fraternity brother of mine. Going home this weekend, going to the Sprint Store where the phone is in my name and changing the password and checking cellphone/texts etc. I wonder if you can read text messages sent and received online if you have access.

The look on her face was priceless when I tossed the receipt with the Uristat on the counter after her spend the night with the girls party the night before and asked her if she had yet another bladder ailment. Confusion, flushed cheeks, scrutinizing the receipt like she didn't remember it, then...eureka, I bought it for the neaighbor who has one kidney.

I just told her I didn't care anymore.

SWW,

I have one kidney, gave the other one to my brother. I DO NOT need Uristat because of that. It has nothing to do with having one kidney. I only use Uristat when I have a bladder infection that requires the numbing effects before I go to the doctor to get on an antibiotic. The frequency of my bladder infections did not change once I had one kidney either.

You cannot see the actual words of text online, but you can see the phone numbers up until the bill closes and updates and then it will just show total number text messages for the period.

Good luck! Be strong!

Thanks onlyucan.

Went home this weekend. Had the kids all weekend. Went over to our house saturday to pick up bathing suits and WS said she might go to the beach again but wasnt sure. I told her fine, if she changed her mind she was welcome to have a steak with us. She said she wasn't sure but might spend the night there. I just kind of turned to walk away and she said, "What???" I faltered a bit and then said "you know it makes me nervous when you spend the night out, but i guess you're going to do what you want to do." She said she was just going for dinner and if i was that jealous i could troll by the house at 2AM and see her car was there. I said whatever and left.

About 815 pm she came over (i was fishing on the dock) to announce she was going to the beach and would be spending the night, but would have excellent cell reception. she left us. kids couldnt reach her all night and not in the next AM. At 11 AM she finally called my son. I took the phone and told her she had disrespected me for the last time, spending the night out after i told her how i felt about it, and then being unavailable. She said, "yeah, now you know how it feels, and you better get used to it too, beacause next weekend (after the MC) i have a birthday party for friend out of town, so you have the kids. I hung up.

I don't know if this was the right thing to do according to the manual, probably wasn't, but the next day when she came over and i was getting ready to leave i took her outside. I asked, "is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life?" She looked down and was teary and said no, she had thought about it last night. I told her that the path she was choosing was to grow old alone. I said with a sarcastic look on my face, "I know I have been fixated on you having an affair, I have had rose colored glasses on for a long time about you, but finally a couple of my friends had a talk with me, and now I see that...there's no one that would want to...i mean there's nobody that would...well i dont think you're having an affair put it that way. You may have had a few one night stands, but that's probably it. Just so you know, I am giving you one more chance and then I am out and you can be alone for the next forty years."

She said, "what about you? Will you be alone?"

I said, "probably for a little while, but not for too long. The odds are a little better for single, employed men in their early 40' than they are for divorced women with 2 kids that need to be put through college." I told her she had 2 choices and they had to be made by friday.

She could elect to continue her party chick lifestyle and be alone, or she could put her rings back on for good, go home and tidy up the house and start buying food for the kids and be a mom again. I said I know being a stay at home mom wasn't the most glamorous thing in the world, but that was the life she had chosen and her kids needed her. I said you have till friday, went in hugged the kids and left, her a little teary. She called me three times in the first 1.5 hours trying to be nice. I am not optimistic.

By the way, this is coming from "NOT so Sick with Worry Anymore"

She is a selfish Bi*ch. Doesn't deserve me or her children. If she doesn't change we'll be better off without her and I can finally move on and find someone who doesn't fixate on themselves ALL the time.

Not SWW,

You are probably absolutely right. If she has this selfish behavior and does not want to stop or get help, you need to secure yourself and your finances and your children.

There are ways to do this and still maintain your integrity. Get the counseling for yourself if nothing else so you can be the man that your children deserve going through this. They have already lost one role model.

Post on GQ and you will get step by step direction on how to protect yourself and options to choose from.

Good luck and God Bless!

P.S. You are not her father, you are her husband and she needs to respect that.

Well,

went to MC this past friday. She actaully talked and shared some of her resentments to another human being for the first time in i dont know how long. Didn't really matter though, she still left town the next day to spend the night out with the girls for a friends birthday party. Told MC she just doesn't know what she wants.

Went to the bank, changed the bank accounts, went to cellphone, cable etc. and changed the passwords. Looked at the cell bill. the weeekend she spent going to see her "aunt" friday night, there were no phone calls to anyone at all. Only one call to the aunts number in Massachusetts for 2 minutes on saturday morning. she supposedly met the aunt friday night in FL. No call to coordinate when/where do we meet, had a nice time nothing, just one to her number 1500 miles away.

I am thinking it's time to move on. She'll either wake up when faced with life alone or OM, who prob can't support her lavish lifestyle or she won't wake up and I'll get divorced and take care of my kids.

Funny thing is, while I intelectually know she is lying like crazy and is sneaking around, and I should know better than to try to hang on, it's really tough not to backslide into feelings of remorse and self-pity and jealousy.

It makes complete absolute sense what you are feeling and the emotional roller coaster is real.

Post your story on General Questions and you will get some amazing support on what to do next. There are posts going on there now with similar situations as yours.

You deserve to take action and if it ends up that you are starting over, at least you will be able to say that you have done all that you can. These steps also safeguard for you to be able to save your marriage as well, if that is what is desired and if the other partner is willing to do their part in the recovery process.

Good luck!

Thanks a lot onlyucan,

you've been a real help to me these past couple of weeks. Is it bad manners to post an identical thread over in the GQ section? Should I rewrite it so i am not just copying and pasting, or just go with it with the latest details.

Thanks again!

It is not bad at all to post the identical thread. I would sum it up with the past and present conditions so you get the best help!!!