My wife left with my 4 babies and moved 2-1/2 hours away to her parents in mid march. One week later she filed for divorce saying that she wanted the temporary orders in place to bring stability to our situation. Here's the story: We have been married for 5 years. The first year of our marriage we built a house ourselve. the second year we got pregnant and had our first son. 21 months later we had twins. 11 months later we had a surprise baby boy. 4 kids with 32 months age difference. To make a long story short she stayed home with the kids and I worked all the time trying to get us out of horrible debt. We have not pai our bills on time for 3 years. My biggest sin was answering emails from an ex girlfriend who was looking for relationship advice. After describing her future fiance's shortcomings I likened my wife to him and said that I would just have to live with my decision to choose my wife over the ex. I was obviously just venting at the tme, but my wife found the email. This was 2 years ago....Now she says that she doesn't want our kids growing up feeling rejected as a result of my neglect (too much work). Also,she can't get over the hurt of the email and even told people I had an affair. Her parents have totally taken her in and taken over my family. They have done nothing but interfere, and I don't know what to do. My kids love me. I have joint custody and take them for 7 days every 14 days. I have been going to a personal therapist and have set up a marriage counselor for the 2 of us. Last weekend I took the 4 babies home with me for 5 days so she could go to a wedding with her parents in Cozumel. I have given 110% for the last 2 months trying to do everything possible to get her back, and the best she can tell me is she is "cautiously optimistic." After only one week of separation she had a full time job and put all 4 babies in daycare. Like I said before, we haven't been able to pay our bills in 3 years. Now I have all the bills and $3250/mo. child support. She says she is happier now that she is away from me (not the debt, the childcare, limited help with kids.) I am no saint, but I love my wife very much, detest infidelity, and am a pretty good dad though still learning. What sucks is that her family can't seem to see what everyone else sees. She escaped her situation and is blaming it all on me. I'm taking it on the chin, but am at the end of my rope. I will do whatever it takes because I want my kids to grow upwith a mom and dad under the same roof. I didn't. She did. She and I are friends and I am still very in love with her though she is killing me. Unfortunately counselling is all I have for us to work on things, and it looks like I will have to be the one to direct the sessions b/c the counselor sucks. I take 6 hours out of my day once a week to go to a one hour session. So far after 3 sessions we have discussed my passive aggressive behavior and not being more willing to do family things. Can someone give me some advice, even steps to get us on the road to recovery. She says there is hope for us, but she's making no effort to do anything. She says it will just take a long time for her to regain her trust in me that I have changed. She also says she needs to know how to get over her anger at me. Advice for her??
Everyone of our friends and neighbors knows I was not the monster she has built up in her mind. And to think I haven't even mentioned the possibility of post partum depression. I have had to come a long way to make myself believe I'm not an awful husband. Sorry about the rambling, I'm just so frustrated. Please help me figure this out. I'll answer any questions honestly.

Welcome - it sounds like your situation is very hopeful.

At least she is still cautiously optimistic.

Do you see yourself as being passive-agressive?

Do you help her with the kids all of the time? Help around the home?

What exactly has she complained about?

Those are the things you need to change.

I am passive aggressive. She is just passive. Not a good combo. I did help with the kids after work. According to her my biggest fault is that I make her feel awful through the passive aggressiveness. I am trying desparately to work on this, but it's difficult due to the anger and mistrust she has created. She says she's not doing any of this to jurt me, but how can she accept the $3250/mo child support while she is living expense free with the exception of child care which is $391/wk? She is working full time utilizing the masters degree I paid for while working too much. I am crazy about my wife and haven't criticized her for her recent actions. I'm just frustrated that she is not doing anything except counseling to help our situation. I'm accepting all the blame and she can't even pick up a book. I think tommorrow I'll ask the counselor if she has any plan in mind for us to follow. If not should I find someone else?

Just bumping for you.

Generally, you need a counselor who is pro marriage. I know money is tight, but you may want to call the Harleys and get their take on your situation. It's expensive, but they say it's well worth it.

I'd also read all the concepts here too. Read about love busters, emotional needs, and POJA.

Consider talking to her about Marriage Builders.