Help. Last summer I discovered my spouse was involved with another woman. Before I knew this, I went to stay with a friend for a month just to give us some temporary space. But while with the friend, I found out the truth and my spouse wouldn't let me back in the home. I got an apartment nearby our home, and I proceeded with PLAN A with my whole heart. I was doing PLAN A beautifully but it got to that point where he was having his cake and eating it too... he was a little too comfortable having me meet some of his needs and the OW meeting other needs. So I decided to do PLAN B. I wrote him a letter explaining I was leaving and why, similar to the example letter in the book SURVING AN AFFAIR. My spouse responded by asking me not to move away and asked me to move back in him. He wanted to work on the marriage. He wanted us to try to have a baby too, and we did on the first try. We had never tried in four years of marriage. (He had gotten OW pregnant but she had an abortion and he was devastated by that.)

Well, 3-4 months into us working on our marriage, he runs into the OW at a bizarre chance encounter in another state and now the rest is history. He is back having the affair. They expressed they still have feelings for one another and he stated they want to be together.

This time around I know about it. It's not top secret. In fact, he told me today he was on his way to hang out with her. But he still comes home every night. Did I mention I am 7 months pregnant? Since I already did a PLAN A and PLAN B prior to all this, should I start all over again with PLAN A or start back up with PLAN B? I really don't want to give birth in some new city or state or be without him during that time when I need him most, and he says he will help me raise the child. I keep feeling that once his son is born (we are having a boy) he will come to his senses. But then again, even though his feelings for the OW don't seem as strong, they are strong enough for him to pursue her. The OW wants him to move in with her but he says he is definitely not doing that. I don't see what he sees in her. She smokes, killed his child, cheated on her fiance to be with my husband, and now is asking him to leave me and our unborn child to move in with him.

He says he wants to be back in close relationship with the LORD and says it troubles him that he's not. Mind you, he is very gifted in God's Word (teaching and preaching), so he's sad that he has given all that up to pursue this affair. I know the root issue is his relationship with the Lord. I know there is hope for us and I'm believing and standing. I am looking for a counselor too and wish he would agree to counseling. The confusing part is that he is still very loving towards me, watches movies with me, kisses and hugs me, and is very kind except of course for the actual affair which he can't seem to stop.

ANy feedback?

Plan B worked once, and it will work again. Immediately go back to plan B. He is a cake eater who won't get rid of OW until he's afraid of losing you (and now his son) again.

second round affairs..

immediate plan B...

darker than dark....

cut him off at the knees...(preferably a little higher if you want my opinion..

this is not a punishment..

this is a clear sign that a child on the way deserves either 1000000000000000000 % commitment or nothing...

he is the one choosing nothing...

let him lay in the mud with his nothing choice...

ARK^^

I appreciate the responses, but my due date is in 2-months, and quite frankly I think it'd be foolish and unwise to relocate to a new area at this time where I'd have a NEW DOCTOR, NEW HOSPITAL and also rob my WS of the opportunity to see his son being born... that's something that can never be taken or given back to him. If we work things out, I'd hate to know he missed that special day. Instead, I'm doing PLAN A in overdrive again, praying the birth of his son wakes him up from the fog (ultrasound already seems to have had an affect). But if he is still being wayward after the baby is a few months old (and I'm confident I know what I'm doing with the baby on my own - this is my first child), then I will work on PLAN B, where there is relocation and severing of all contact.

It just would be too stressful to relocate prior to giving birth. And really, I never actually *DID* PLAN B last time... I simply was preparing to do so and gave a PLAN B letter which was enough for him to end the A. His A started back up after a chance encounter with OW, so I'm in negotiation stage now.

I solict your prayers, thank you!

Wow!

I can only think of one word at this moment - BOUNDARIES!

standing...do you have to leave the house, can't he leave?

Standing,

Get a free consultation and see an attorney to learn your rights.

You absolutely do NOT need to leave your home. He does.
And he must support you while you wait for the birth of the child.

Make HIM leave. Let HIM face the consequence of not being there for his son's birth. It is NOT your place to protect him from the consequences of his actions.

In fact, you have more leverage than most BW's.

It is not your job to save him from his bad decisions.
You are prolonging your own suffering, and by result your child is suffering too.

I agree that you should let him see the consequences of his actions. I am nearly 8 months along and I'm planning on moving 350 miles away from my WH soon. If he has no relationship with his son, that's HIS fault. I've done all that I can to reconcile at this time and I think that his family moving away is what he needs at this point. Also, I don't even WANT him in the room with me while I deliver. At this point, he is a stranger to me....not my H. You should think about it that way. LOL, it's taken me many weeks here, but I'm finally getting it through my head and you will also. You need to do what is best for YOU and your baby.

But why would I want to be in a house alone by myself during this time? What's wrong with doing PLAN A? Even the author of this website recommends that. WS can't afford his own apartment by himself. OW actually asked him to move in with her and he said no. I'd rather he be with me than her. His responsibility is to be with me especially during this special time. Despite the trauma he's causing with the A, he's otherwise been the model husband. Also our house is going into foreclosure anyway, so we'll both have to move soon. Will type more soon, have to run at the moment.

Why do you say I have more leverage than other BW's?

I understand that he has to be responsible for consequences for his own behavior, but a birth only happens once. I guess we disagree, but that's not something I'm willing to let him miss.

I'm clear everyone is being protective of me, but if you read my previous post carefully you may understand the wisdom in not doing PLAN B until after the baby comes, which is only two more months. Meanwhile, the support of my WS is actually helpful and he seems to be coming around.

Lexxxy, you wrote, "You absolutely do NOT need to leave your home. He does."

onlyUcan, you wrote, "do you have to leave the house, can't he leave?"

The whole idea for PLAN B is for WS not to have any contact with me or know where I am, nor be in the same city as him and OW; thus, if I procede with PLAN B, I will definitely be leaving the home and relocating to another state.

standing,

You have misinterpreted Plan B.

I posted on your other thread.

I responded to your post.