Well, I'm beginning to think I have a bum atty. It's almost like I have to tell him what to do. He never even brought up the possibility of having my WH pay the atty fees. I just don't think he is going to fight for me. Sounds like yours is fighting for you though.

The papers are parenting plan, motion and declaration for temporary order, state child support schedule with spousal support, financial declaration, motion/declaration for ex parte restraining order and for order to show cause.

He should be getting the papers served today, and his uncle died yesterday. And his son is graduating next week and he isn't invited. I can only hope that this is G-d working his miracle in our life. It hurts to watch this go one and not try and fix it or soften it for him.

Chai, I think the only reason A is asking for the fees to be paid is because WH is the one who stopped paying and broke the informal agreement. If he had just communicated to the A, this wouldn't have happened.

PM, Mazel Tov on your son's graduation. That is so way cool.

How proud you must be....

He's been served and evidently put the person on a wild goose chase to get him. Sneaky guy.

I feel like a pile of crap for doing this. How can I gloat or be happy when I'm sick to my stomach that I had to push him like this and lose him further...

Q - U r on a path which believes in the truth and doing the right thing, so u shouldn't feel bad. U r only doing what is right.
He is lost, so u can't lose someone who is already lost. U can only pray that he finds his way.
We r all with u

I know.

And I hear G-d telling me over and over again to just trust.

But I LOVE my H. And I ALWAYS came to his rescue. This is NEW so HARD....

Hi Queenie!!!!

It's my last night for class for spring quarter but I stopped by to see how you are doing.

You didn't push him and you didn't lose him further. He is choosing this. You are simply protecting your sons and your self financially and legally. That's what a mama bear does when her cubs are threatened. She protects them.

Gotta go-headed to Bham for my last class.

Hang in there Mama Bear!

Queenie,

Do not feel bad. He has a legal obligation (and a moral obligation but we won't go there) to you and his children. Do not let him get by with not honoring that. Remember, any money that does not go to you and your children goes to the POS-CH-Ho.
She deserves none of it.

Queenie,
your WH is a grown man, he made the CHOICE to leave you for a druggie, to leave his kids, and to lose all he once held dear. YOU are not punishing him, HE is reaping the consequences of his actions.

You are a wonderful person who is just taking care of house and home.

{{{{Queenie}}}}

Queenie,

You didn't chase him away, he left to be with the Crack-Ho.

Your choice was for him to stay and do what was right. It was his choice to leave and follow after his own selfish desires.

Taking care of his family is what is right and it is also rightfully yours (you and the boys). If your WH gets mad because you are making it hard for him to abandon his family, then that is not your fault either. It is his. There is a very simple way for him to not have to pay for two households, pay child support, pay his previous obligations and still try to find the money to keep the C-H. All he needs to do is come home. He gets his family back. He gets his life back. He gets to spend his money on his family again instead of the pretend family he is trying to justify and still having to keep his real family safe, housed and cared for.

He could attend games, family picnics, holidays, birthday parties...He can have the whole enchilada once more. But he has to make that choice.

The fact that he has not means he is still trying to get out of his obligations to his family.

You aren't being hard on him, you are asking for what is yours...

Mark

That's right, Queenie. One of the premises of behavior modification is the reality of natural and logical consequences. There are logical consequences for having children....supporting them. There are natural consequences for leaving your family.

The legal system has enacted these logical consequences for just these types of situations.

You aren't doing this to him. You are setting in motion the logical consequences for his choices.

Thank you so much you guys for everything and helping me be ok with this. You are right, he is choosing this and I am just setting in motion to take care of HIS CHILDREN and HIS WIFE. Even if he WON'T.

My intermediary passed the message along last night. He received it and responded with a thank you. Then this morning WH wanted intermediary to pass a message along if I filed the taxes. Ok, is it me? Is he out of his mind. LOL....

This is June and he is just getting around to asking if the taxes were filed. Hmmm.. I don't constitute that as an emergency do you? Maybe he should have read the sticki note on my Plan B letter that told him if he wanted me to do his taxes, he needed to get me his W2 by March 28th. How could I have done the taxes without his W2? Oh that's right, he hasn't done taxes in almost 26 years.

And NO I didn't file an extension for him. Just ME..... Would this his not getting a EN met by me or a LB by not taking care of him?

So, since I am in Plan B, and I don't consider this an emergency, I don't respond to this, right?

I just keep on praying for him and hope it's in G-ds will to bring him home. Because stupid me, I LOVE this man so much.

(((Queenie)))

Hate that he is acting this way, but I had to chuckle that he thought you would still take care of his taxes for him. I consider IRS hot water an emergency. Just tell your intermediary the answer to his question is no.

It isn't love-busting. It is sticking to your plan B guns and refusing to act like his wife until he decides to start acting like your husband.

It's a logical consequence. You asked for a W2 by 03/28. He didn't send it. So, what logically happens?

I would actually stay silent, he is only trying to get u to react one way or the other.

Plus u can't argue with silence.

Thanks you guys for the ideas and input,

I was thinking about this a little further and it dawned on me that WH and I had at least 2, probably 3 discussions on me doing taxes, and that in order for me to do them, I would need his W2.

I was clear on the sticki note and reminded him to get me his W2 by March 28th.

I agree, I think this is his way of getting me drawn into his drama and I refuse to do it.

My PBL clearly states to NOT communicate to me unless it met two conditions, emergency and he has left OW. His sudden realization about taxes is HIS deal, not MY emergency.

So, I am not going to respond. If WH needs further information, he can ask it through my lawyer and I will gladly tell my A, not the intermediary. Semantics, maybe, but I think there is a difference.

I am really walking a shaky road for my recovery. I want to fix this and I CAN'T and yet, I have worked so HARD to learn to take care of myself and get out of the sick drama.

Hi Queenie,

I see your hangging in there just fine... I like the way your standing up for yourself. Remember a while ago, we kept telling you how strong you were, and you didn't believe us.... well believe us now becasue you're strength is showing through.

It might be a good time for a top 5 list update.....

Hey TMTS,

How's life?

No list for me today, but thanks..

Oh Q, I really want u to be very happy. U really deserve it. I am praying for u

I don't deserve any more happiness than you.

I am really happy that if you keep working Plan A, hubby could be home.

It's just a hard day today. Too many emotions inside of me to feel right now.