It was fine barring the last year, when his mom continuously went on about me ignoring him and that too on my b'day and i stopped talking to them for a year (i know that was horrid of me :-( but I thought I would sort things out at home n then give them my full attention.

But it's not an arranged marriage. I think the difference is that she has no family here, and so she can move in with him without worrying about any repercussions (as you would typically find in Indian families). Also, from what i know she comes from a broken home so she has no other responsibility, whereas I do feel some responsibility for my dad, and I have been torn between the two.
They now see OW as someone who gives their son all her attention. OW feeling so entitled - well she is feisty and i have always been quite timid.

Hi Guys
I went out with all my friends and had girly dinner out. It was cool. WH rang as he had parked his car on the same road as me. So earlier in the day he tells me that (so that i don't bump into them ie WH and OW). I ask him what time he is going home n he says after 7 n i said i will b later than that so he need not worry.
He rings me at 7 n asks me where i am, home or office n i say in between. So he asks where, n i say just say out. He says that he is leaving now n i said that is fine as i will b late.
He then asks me, how long will i b and i say 2 hours. So then he asks again where r u, n i say out. But he was like at least tell me where u r, n i say i don't need to tell him everything (which was a bit rude but i thought he needs to bear the consequence of us not being together)
Did i do good?

You did fine. You can just tell hubby you are spending time with friends, and then you won't have to get snippy.

Keep doing what you are doing so he realizes that your life isn't on hold while he is having his affair.

I'm glad you are getting our Brown. It's important for you to have some fun.

Laughter heals...... smiling heals.... good times help us get through life....

You are doing GREAT.....

Hi Guys
Spoke to WH today. I was feeling a bit low and asked him that when we were thinking about reconciling, he told me that he loves me more than anything or anyone so was that a lie or did it change? He said that you might not believe me but it is still true. Then I asked him why he was doing this n he said he didnt know. And she isn't pregnant there isn't anything else going on so I don't know.

Why did you ask him this, Brown?

We've told you WHY.

This comes across as BEGGING and PLEADING again or as if you are thinking that you can TALK him out of this.

Hey Brown,,

Mimi is right don't expect an answer from your WH, you are trying to apply logic to an illogical situation.

I can not tell you the number of times I heard "I don't know" or "I just can't".

This is going to take time, please just breath and be still,work on your plan A.

F-26

Well guys, I know it wasn't logical but sometimes i feel it makes WH think so i tried n i think it worked. In the evening, he called me that he was leaving to go home so that i wouldn't bump into them on the subway.
I told him i was leaving as well, so he finally agreed to leave later but warned me she might b on the train. Guess what happens, she ends up walking into the same carriage as i was, just while i was talking to him on the phone.
I felt uncomfortable, hung up on him and rang dad instead. Dad told me to stay calm n not get worried. It was fine, she didn't say anything.
I then rang WH when i got home n told him that i bumped into her. He was travelling home n i went back to the station to speak to him. I told him i couldn't handle it, seeing her, n also not happy with this divorce thing.
I did end up in tears, he said he was also finding this divorce process difficult. I told him I didn't want it n i don't want to do it. He said that everything was going to b ok, he needs to think about how to get out of this mess. But for that he needs for me to brave, bcos he doesn't want to marry someone who cries (jokingly) He then hugged me.
Today, the lawyer emailed me n told me that the petition shud now b on its way to WH. I asked WH if he had received it n he hadn't. WH said well if it is lost that is fine, he has no problems with that.
What do u think guys, n what should b my next step?

Another terrible counselling session. I told my counsellor - i wanted my marriage but wanted to resolve everything else. She feels i need to accept reality ie that he has left me. I feel angry!
WH seems to be wavering n i need direction

Get a divorce NOW. You can always remarry later if he decides someday to leave the other woman. After all, it is not like you two are dead, it is only a divorce. If he likes you or you like him later you can date after the divorce. Once you see if he quits cheating or not.

What financially or otherwise does he stand to lose in a divorce with you? Do you know?

browneyes,

I still feel that the solution to your problem is Plan B.

He's on the fence and Plan B is the way to get him off of it one way or the other.

Plan B is for YOU. Separate yourself from him to heal.

Give SH a call and have a pro guide you, but you have tried and tried and this self punishment will continue as long as you allow it to continue.

I'm willing to bet that if you wrote a loving plan B letter, lay down the path for him to come back, and then went dark that you'd push him off his fence sitting.

His behavior is baffling to you, but typical wayward.

My exWW divorced me and took my kids. The day she was going to get on the the plan, she kissed me on the lips and said, "I love you."

That was very confusing to me.

If you love me then why are you leaving? Why did you choose divorce?

You're dealing with a crazy person with their cranium firmly inserted in his rectum. It's standard wayward behavior.

I'll put money down on the idea that he would come running back to you if he felt he was going to lose you.

So you must let him go in order to have him come back. It's a risk, but the way he's acting tells me he would be very responsive to a Plan B.

Nothing, I am not asking for anything, we rented a house so no asset there. I kept my savings separately and i am not asking for anything. I don't want his money.

I am scared of losing him, it's so hard. Plus I think he would just think i am threatening him or that he now has free rein.

Feeling really uneasy n i don't know why. Just feeling scared.

It is frightening seeing the truth of how someone you thought loved you, no longer loves you. But it is good seeing the truth.

I think that your PLAN A is being effective and needs to continue a bit more.

At first, he was not calling you at all and now he is.

I think he is being ATTRACTED by your STRENGTH and INDEPENDENCE.

By all means, do not get a DIVORCE unless you want your marriage to end and you want to move on. You've stated that you still love your HUSBAND so why would that be an option for you right now? DIVORCE is THE END OF A MARRIAGE. That's EXACTLY what he wants YOU to do. Let him seek the DIVORCE and continue to tell him that is not want you want.

I don't see why there's any hurry for you to DO anything regarding your marriage.

Hi Mimi
So happy to see u.
I don't want the divorce. Sure this is all hurting but i don't wnat to lose my marriage or him.
I have kept on saying that to him, I told him the same thing on Weds, I was crying (not good i know) but i told him that i didn't want a divorce. That is when he admitted he didnt want it either.
I think OW is forcing the issue.
I asked him today what he is planning to do with the papers n he said i want to make them disappear.
I am going to take a second lawyer's advice on how to withdraw, I am not very comfortable with my current lawyer.
I just can't understand why that woman can not see how she is just destroying people's lives!

GREAT!!


GREAT AGAIN!!


Yes, DO THIS!!


Stop trying to make it LOGICAL, Brown. SHE DOESN'T CARE is why. She's your ENEMY! She WANTS TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

Today WH asked me out for lunch. First time he asked me out in months.
But it was awkward, bcos i could tell WH had come to lunch n not H if that makes sense. He kept on wanting to talk about her. How they went out over the weekends. He got angry at work the other day bcos he had an argument with her. How no one was happy ie him, her or me. I got to the stage where it was unbearable n told him i don't want to hear about her. He was shocked i think. Went quiet. I felt bad n said sorry (stupid i know). He apologised n said that he shud hv known better.
We went to the temple where we had gone after our wedding. I asked him whether he was confused n he said no. He just didn't want to give me any hope any longer.
I asked him whether he was going to divorce me n he said he didn't know.
They had bought wardrobes for her now.
He is back to being WH!
I feel crap!